Father is in ALF and is very angry about it.

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Calls it a "concentration camp". Go figure. He's been there a month and wants to leave. Abusive and calling or should I say phone stalking local sister to yell at her. She's the emotional one and highly affected by his behavior. On Xanax already. He cannot walk, at least very well. Uses a wheelchair. Yells at local sister that "you took everything away from me!" Now has requested insurance information and cashed out policy as a way of saying, well, you took everything away from me, now I'll take everything away from you. (we think) Sort of like a thumb in the eye. Can't go back to the way it was before the ALF. Wants his car to drive away. Both of us very hurt and frustrated. Hating life right now. Can I disown him? :-( Just venting here, I guess, although he may soon have no daughters left.


breadbaker, I don't know why as many people get older, their focus narrows to include only themselves. We would hope people would become more expansive and wise as they age, but the opposite is often true. From what you write, it sounds like you made the best decision for your father. He does not seem to be able to care for himself the way he should. What does he believe he will do if he were to leave? Who does he believe would take care of him?

I know you're hurt and frustrated with his behavior. Does your sister have caller ID so she can avoid his calls? He might settle in to his new place after a while, particularly if he does not have anyone to yell at. He might calm down. Until then the only thing you can do is care about him, but try to let his words and actions roll off. Many elders get full of bitterness and blame. They want so much to turn back time, and often believe if they can go back the way it was, things would be better. But the change in their living conditions were made because the old ways didn't work anymore. I hope your father will accept that fact soon.
Thank you for your kind words. I realize he's not thinking too clearly now; just concentrating on how he can get out that "hell hole". I think it's mostly about the smoking he can't do there, much oxygen around, and he's uses oxygen too, which really worried us when he smoked. Sister does ignore his calls at times, but usually ends up calling him back, or whatever. I'm not sure what that's all about. She really wants his love.
Ah, well, he was forced to give up smoking? He could probably be living in a palace and it would be a hell-hole. Of course he shouldn't have been smoking before, but he got away with it so ... naturally he would blame his problems on the move to AL. Does he have a patch? Has he had help with giving up smoking? Gone through a program? Or was this cold turkey?
It was cold turkey. Rejected a patch. He also worked at a time when people still smoked at their desks and didn't have to go outside. I reminded him of this. I know it's hard. He doesn't want to quit. Wants his car now, director said not a good idea since he'll probably just go home if he doesn't kill himself or someone else. It's tough. Thanks for kind words. And you're right, I don't think he'd like anything.

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