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I hate it! But feel guilty that I hate it.

9 Comments

If you hate it, get away from it. People who hate it are ready to jump off a bridge within three months. We can help you with any question you have, but we can't fix hating it.
I've been used to my independence and now I have to answer to someone everyday. I have my own chronic illness that I have dealt with fine. It's my mother- in-law so I'm obligated. And I'm learning and don't expect someone to teach me not to hate it. I'm learning to cope. Maybe it should have been under whining. Like I said I'm new at this!
You are obligated to watch over her, you are not obligated to sacrifice your own health in the process. The baby boom generation is in the unique position that just as our own strength is waning, our parents are living twenty years longer than their parents did. We have retirees caring for elderly. We have working moms who have no spare energy or time to donate to the cause. So we chew up Prozac like it is candy and trek onward.
I'm really finding the adjustment period hard. It's almost a year and I thought I would get used to it by now.
I know how u feel. My mother has been the perfect mother all of my life and has selfLESly always been there for me. Now she has moderate dementia. She lives wth her husband (not my dad) who isnt coping very well. I work 4dsys a week and see my dear mum for two days. Just watching her deteriorate is so upsetting and making me ill. i hope im going to be able to cope. I cant concentrate to read or watch tv, im consumed wth worry about her. My best friend is gone
Yes, it is hard. I am 78 years old and dealing with my husband's Alzheimer. It is very hard to be retired; then slowly losing those golden years to a job more difficult than any previous position or positions. It is hard for me, hard for the family, hard on friends. And it won't get better....just have to learn how to deal with it as patiently as possible....just have to trust my own judgement...just have to keep my sense of humor..just have to do my best and not feel too guilty when I make mistakes..just have to listen to advice..just have to hang in there..marymember
Marymember u sound like you're doing a fantastic job. Im finding it hard and its my dear mum wth dementia but at least i have my husband to support me (sort of, he obv doesnt feel like me). I feel for you and hope you can carry on coping as you're doing....i will learn frm you and try to see the funny side of things. (Not wanting to belittle the situation but tryin2 keep sane). Wish a cure could be found for this horrible disease.
joseph11~ My father did not have dementia although I cared for him and clients with varying degrees of Alzheimer's / Dementia and have witnessed the strain it has on families. I think that what we may have in common is the desire to fix any struggles our loved ones face. What I finally learned is that the best thing that I could offer/provide was love, support and comfort. Accepting that you can't fix or stop the progression of your mother's disease is important. Spending time with her along her journey is all your mother would want. ....all that you can ask of yourself. There will be moments of tears and laughter along the way. Just accepting that will bring you peace. Best wishes to your mother and you! ~Summer
We all hate caregiving at times. But if you are hating it all the time, Dinglehopper, and this has been going on a year, I wonder if you perhaps just aren't cut out to be a caregiver. That is nothing to feel guilty about. Your obligation toward your mother-in-law (or your mother) is to see that she has food and shelter and good care. You are not obligated to personally provide every bit of the care. How can you cut back and arrange for others to provide the day-to-day care? What is your husband's role in his mother's care? What can MIL afford in terms of in-home care?

If you hate caregiving, please try to lessen the amount of it you do, while seeing to it that MIL is well cared for by people who do not hate the role.

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