Hurt, burnt out Part 2!

Follow
Share

I talked to the Hospice Social Worker this morning that went to see my mom yesterday afternoon after her blow up. My mom told her she had worked too hard all her life to end up in a nursing home and that I put her there, but she knew people and she would get out.
I called to check on her this morning and the nurse said she had been very pleasant this morning and the hospice aid was with her giving her a bath.
She is on oxygen full time, either in her wheelchair or in the bed. She can use her walker to get to the bathroom which is about a 10 foot walk. She knows no one and if she did I sure wish they would have been giving me a hand all these years.
She told the social worker she knew I would be gone for a little while but I intend to stay away long enough for her to miss me and if that doesn't happen then I know like I have known for a long time she doesn't need me unless she "needs" me.
There is still guilt sticking me in the stomach this morning, but I am working on it.

There really is no way she could check herself out right ? She cannot drive, she is totally dependent on others to care for her. She has CHF, COPD, Liver disease, to name a few. I have POA over her.

Could this turn into a mess ? She has no where to go to, no home, no finances other than her social security that is paying for the NH. Matter of a fact, I pay for her cable, extra pads and denture adhesive out of my own pocket. Her $30.00 goes for the beauty shop at the NH which by the way is a 5 star.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
30

Comments

Show:
1 2 3
Thank you for this update. You are truly on your own road to recovery. She is being well taken care of and you can take great comfort in that. You've done your best for her. Prayers help. Know you are loved by those of us who share your posts. xxxooo
(1)
Report

I think yesterday was a sign that my mama really has no sense of time anymore. She knew I had not been there but I really expected a hell fit and that did not happen. She never mentioned the argument, I knew she would never say she was sorry ..in my 57 years I don't think I have heard I am sorry from her. I am not going to start the everyday thing again. It is crazy, exhausting and totally not necessary. I helped her get her gown on and got her ready for bed, straighten up her room. Every time I help her get dressed it is always such a realization of how frail she is. I cannot relive my childhood. I cannot make her the mother I wanted....that is what good therapy does for you ;-) Thank you all and I am sure I will be back again asking for advice and support. You guys are the best !!
(1)
Report

That reminds me of my friend T who visited her mom every day. The other daughter, A, was only able to visit a couple of times a month. So, the mom told A that T only came by every week or so. Fortunately, my friends had a good sense of humor.
(1)
Report

I went and visited my mama she was not mad and did not seem to realize I had been away for a week. It was a good visit short and sweet I told her I would be back in a couple of days i did some praying and it helped that and a xanax.
(3)
Report

What may be misunderstood here is that with Burt Out Part 2 situation, guilt could still cause a great concern. With the caregiver's guilt stress, the chance of getting healed is much more challenging, and she cannot therefore get control of her life as well. It is then best to get the situation under control BEFORE it becomes an emergency for both the caregiver and recipient!
(0)
Report

I don't understand either. You've already taken care of any emergencies by having your Mom in the NH. And...you have started taking care of yourself by doing things for yourself now - you are on the road to recovery and in a month you will look back and say, "I feel great because I know I've done the right thing" Your Mom is being well taken care of and you don't have to visit her or send a card if you don't feel like it is the right thing. Maybe someday you will feel like giving her a single red carnation in a bud vase via the nurses station or something like that. Don't rush it, heal yourself and feel good about you first.
(1)
Report

What ?? Patathome01 I don't understand.....
(0)
Report

This situation of burnout could put the caregiver in danger of getting hurt or injured himself. Get a geriaric care manager or call Adult Protective Services NOW! This is declared an EMERGENCY!
(0)
Report

I am keeping in contact everyday with the NH and Hospice too. They do know our situation. I have made some really good friends at the NH. Hospice is awesome too their social worker is really sweet.
(0)
Report

She is being well taken care of. You did all you could and you did a great job. Stop beating yourself up and start taking care of YOU. Be strong and keep your distance for a while longer. Then limit your visits to once a month to bring her supplies, and visit for a short time.
My Moms "mental clock" is so screwed up, she can't tell yesterday from 2 months ago. I think time goes by so much faster for them.
You are doing great!
(2)
Report

1 2 3
This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Related
Questions