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I look at her pictures and remember her years of volunteer service. She was so vibrant, so beautiful, so smart and the cruelty of depriving her of all she worked for seems like some invisible slap in the face that just doesn't stop. I can't do anything about it except keep her with me at home, keeping someone with her at all times, keeping her fed, the bills paid, and answering her questions over and over. I just get so sad about it sometimes... I'm sorry ... I sound like I'm complaining ... I'm just missing my mom.

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Know it's hard to lose someone we love under any circumstances. Know what that feels like, and am so sorry you have to deal with your Mom's loss.
Know also that we can feel great relief from the strain of looking after them.
Try not to feel guilty over sometimes feeling that relief. It does not mean that you didn't care for her and love her.you did the best you could for her.
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Thanks to everyone. Very much appreciated. It's like I have to come back to reality after caring for mom these last 5 years or so. It feels very strange to not have her around anymore, wondering how big of a bite the Alzheimer's took out of her. That worry is gone and it takes some getting used to. Strange not to worry any more.
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My condolences sooz. Peace and blessings.
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Please accept my condolences.
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sooz - my condolences on your loss. Yes, she is in a better place and free from the suffering. ((((((((hugs))))))).
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I am sorry to hear of your loss today and yes her suffering is over which is good. Prayers, hugs and love!
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Mom passed away this morning at 5AM. I'm grateful she is no longer suffering or in pain. It was very hard watching this horrendous disease take her little by little so I am also grateful this living decay of a once beautiful and vibrant woman in finally over. I am missing her terribly but know she is in a better place.
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Jeanne...very well said. My mom was always my best friend. I miss her.
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Jeannegibbs, that is a very good way of describing the experience. The social support would mean an on-going thing, and I guess most folks are too busy or can't be that inconvenienced. ? Thank you for posting, I'm going to share what you posted with others. ((HUGS))
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I found a book called "Loving Someone Who Has Dementia" by Pauline Boss to be very helpful and meaningful. In it this therapist talks about the concept of "ambiguous loss." The person is still physically present, but in another very real sense is absent. We do go through mourning as we see the decline. But we do not have the usual social support for our grief. No one is bringing flowers or dropping off casseroles. There are no announcements in the paper. "Today Mrs. Doe was unable to find the way to the bathroom in her own house."

It can help to associate with others who have similar experiences. If you can join a local support group for dementia caregivers that can be tremendously helpful. Even participating in this online forum helps you to realize that you are not abnormal.

Grief is not the same as depression. But there is always a possibility that prolonged grief can trigger depression or make it worse. I think it would be a good idea to get a medical checkup yourself. Failure to pay attention to your own needs can make a very difficult situation worse.
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I feel exactly the way you do. The emotional side of this is too sad to even be able to put into words. If I think about the loss too much, I can't function at all. Trying to take things one day at a time and holding onto the brief moments of clarity that come thru, and my faith, are the only things helping me to hang in there.

I miss my mom so much. ((((((HUGS)))))))She was, and still is, such a great lady.
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sooz55, I would not call what you wrote complaining, but venting. I am glad you could vent your grief by writing here. You are already grieving the loss of your mom as all of us with a parent who has Alzheimer's does. My mother had vascular dementia and eventually stopped being the person that she once was toward the end. My dad has Alzheimer's and is no longer the genius of a man that he was. It is very sad to see our parents regress into such a state as this disease does to them. I'm glad that my mom had long term care insurance which helped her greatly in the nursing home she went to toward the end. My dad has long term care insurance which is helping him remain at home with 3 caregivers 24/7. He has Parkinson's now and can walk around with a walker. However, he no longer talks like he once did, sleeps a lot, and does not like any question other than how do you feel because he finds any other question to be frustrating because his mind does not work that well anymore.

Do you have anyone that you can talk about this with face to face? Are you able to take any breaks to give you some fresh air? From your profile, it sounds like you live with depression. Are you on any medication for depression. Did you know that 60% of caregivers have the symptoms of clinical depression and 1/3 of caregivers die before the person they are caring for dies. So, please take care of you.

Keep in touch.
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