Grandmother creating problems.

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I would just like to start off by saying that I am not caring for my 72-year-old grandmother and she is currently living on her own with my grandfather. I am a 24-year-old girl who is recently engaged and the big day is coming up fast. The day after the engagement was when all of my happy feelings of getting married went away and my grandmother started her rampage of destroying every bit of mine and my fiance's happiness for the last 8 months. I am trying to learn how to deal with her and understand why she has become this vindictive and manipulative person and to learn how to cope. It all started with the guest list for my wedding. She didn't want two of my aunts there, only their husbands. I cannot just invite one and not the other. When she didn't get her way, she called my dad, aunt, uncle, sister and brother crying and telling them how selfish I am to not consider her feelings and that I should be focussing on making her the most comfortable. A couple incidents have gone on in the family, such as my dad and aunt arguing and after that happened, she constantly said things like "After this I have no idea why you are still having this wedding." The guest list situation went on all the way up until the invitations were mailed out. She didn't even want me to invite my friends to my own wedding, that was a whole other ordeal. She has said such hateful and mean things to me and about me, it just makes me break down and cry. She has made it so that my grandfather, who is the apple of my eye, won't even look at me because she has him convinced that my grandmother should come above everything that I wish for my wedding. She has never done anything like this to my aunt, mother and father or uncle. I don't know where this entitlement came from, but she is ruining my relationship with her. My dad told me that he thinks she could be "losing her mind" or in the first stage of Alzheimer's, but I am just not sure. A special time in my life has been turned into being all about my grandmother and have my feelings constantly hurt. Does this sound like she is losing it? How can I cope? I am trying to not take anything personally, but I always felt that grandparents should want the best for you and support you. I feel like she finds joy knowing that a couple times a week I break down and sob. We've told her that her behavior is unacceptable, but she feels she is justified and that I am the one who should be sorry. I am just so sad about it all and am in desperate need of advice...


Hi Emma, It is so sad that what should be the happy time in your life has turned into something so burdensome. Despite the challenge affecting your grandmother, I'd urge you to seek counseling of some sort so you can be confident in how you handle things. Then I would urge you to see less of your grandmother during this time. Less exposure = less conflict. Stop discussing the wedding and the plans with her and ask your parents to do likewise. For whatever reason, she is focusing on this and forgetting that it isn't her wedding. If it continues, I would ask your Dad to create an alternative plan for the big day. If she truly has some mental issues going on, can she be brought home after the ceremony and have someone be with her? That would allow your celebration to continue without conflict. Best wishes on your upcoming wedding.
I totally agree with geewiz and congratulations on your wedding!
It's a shame the invites have gone out. I would elope. There is something wrong here and I think her children should find out what. GMom needs to be evaluated unless she has always been like this. Don't be surprised if GMom doesn't come. You have support of ur and his parents? That's all that matters. I agree that u need to stop discussing the
Wedding with her.
Emma it is time (or past time) to stop sharing the details with her. Your own father thinks she has a mental problem,, so stop feeling guilty. This is your big day.. and if she gets to the wedding and has a hissy, have someone on board to remove her. No talking,, just on to the place you have for her to go. I know this sounds harsh,, but she has some mental issue with being in charge, and you need to remove yourself from this or you will not be able to enjoy you special day,,and what a terrible way to start your married life, which will hopefully go on longer than Gma can cause problems. The fact that she asked why this is even still happening when she didn;t get her way tells me alot..

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