General topics.

Just popping by to wish everyone a safe, healthy and happy Christmas!

Like Alva’s comment, on better side of normal like all of us on AC. Ha, ha,
Seriously, everybody is helpful, even constructive criticism is helpful, only few people could not tolerate it.

Ha, I just spent some time searching that subreddit and the whole thread has been deleted so I have nothing to fear. Yay for good moderators!

I'm mostly on the cooking and gardening subreddits, but I like to browse the news and a few others just to check out what people outside my normal bubble are saying. Some places are definitely toxic and I'm not tempted to even peek at those.
Reddit used to be the hip place for teens and slightly older, now a lot of those same people are in their 30's so I find stuff they say a little more relatable. It can be fun to scroll through the hot posts of the day.

I was on Reddit when I was looking for info on dual citizenship. It is not a reliable source for information. Even there on that forum there were weirdos.

cwillie, from what I understand of Reddit (never went there) aren't these questionable folk somewhat the norm?
Do you have Forums there that you enjoy that are normally "normal", or on the better side of normal like ALL of us at AC?
Anyway, I trust you! You can handle these folks with one hand tied behind your back!

I just stepped in a pile of 💩 over on Reddit by calling out a bunch of bigoted sounding comments, now I'm kinda afraid to go back.

Send, my SIL is a very kind person. I controlled my tears pretty quickly. I almost felt like she wanted me to cry more. In fact, (and this is my paranoid self talking) I kind of thought after, that she deliberately brought my mom up to test the waters on how I've been feeling. Everyone in my fam knows how close mom and I were and since I haven't seen any of them since before covid no one really knows how I've been doing without mom.

Maybe my brother (her husband) put her up to asking me for coffee cause the invite kind of came out of the blue. Like I said, I don't trust my family. Although my SIL is a sweet, kind person so even if this were the case I'm not mad about it.

Right now is a gift, that's why it is called the present.

Remembering this can help us stay in the present, hopefully, with Thanksgiving and gratitude.

Margaret,

I love your words on this topic. I feel very much the same way. It’s called, ‘living in the moment.’ Thanks for this reminder.

People can get caught up in their emotions and tend to live in the past far more than they should.

It’s fine to visit the past occasionally. We shouldn’t become stuck in the past. Like you, I do think we should have a realistic view of the past instead of glamorizing it.

At some point we must learn to enjoy the present. That is what our loved ones who are gone now would want for us.

This is a reminder that ‘missing people’ can be based on very selective memories. I find that I am ‘missing’ my first husband, who died a few years ago. There is no-one left in my world who shares the memories of what we did together when we were both young. We got on better in his last days, and a few more pleasant conversations would be really nice.

But there are many memories of him that aren’t so good, and I have no regrets that we parted. Even fewer that I am now married to Tony.

So enjoy the happy memories, but don’t let them trick you into being miserable that they are gone!

Mint,

I can relate to what you’re saying. There have been many times when I miss someone so deeply that I long to be with them again.

Naturally, we will always remember the people who brought meaning and purpose in our lives.

You are grieving and experiencing normal feelings during this time. I’m so very sorry for your loss.

I’m grieving the loss of my older brother who died recently. It’s hard to lose people that we love so much.

I loved my parents dearly. I was also close to my mother in law who was a lifeline for me at times. We can feel lost without them.

Even though they no longer share our physical world with us, they left us with so many precious memories for us to cherish.

Sometimes I get very sad when I am reminiscing and other times I smile because I am filled with joy that I had them in my life.

Take comfort in knowing that you were deeply loved by your mom. Wishing you peace during this holiday season.

Gershun,

I have those moments too. It’s normal for memories to come to the surface occasionally.

Your mom would understand how you are feeling but she would also want you to celebrate her life and feel joy.

You had an incredible bond with your mother. That bond will never die. Just because someone is no longer here with us doesn’t mean that we don’t feel their presence in our lives.

I don’t think we can ever forget about people who we loved so deeply.

The holidays can be a difficult time for people who miss their loved ones.

Sending tons of hugs your way!

Gershun,
Do you think that your Sil minded that you cried?
She probably feels closer to you that you trusted her enough to be yourself around her.
What do you think?

I know what you mean Mintmint. Both my parents were like that, I was really close to dad too. In fact he probably validated my feelings even more than my mom, but both did. Nothing like the unconditional love of a parent. Some didn't have that and my heart hurts for them. Some have good supportive spouses and others don't. Try to not lose your grasp on who you are as a person though. Let your mom live on through you. I know you're grieving and this will take time. It's hard. All my best wishes to you.

Mintmint, what you described rings so true for me. My mom died 8 yrs. ago and I still have these moments of indescribable grief.

I went for coffee with my S I L yesterday and she said "You look so much like your mom it's uncanny" Just talking about my mom with someone who knew her brought all my emotions so close to the surface that I started bawling.

My mom validated me too. It wasn't until I just read what you wrote that I realized it. My family isn't close. Going for coffee with someone like I used to do with my mom really made me realize how I haven't filled that empty place in my heart where her love used to reside.

I feel very sad today.

I've been grieving for my mother who passed 8 months ago at 100 years and feeling like I lost my grasp on who I was. I realized today that my problem is that my mother was my safety net for all of my feelings. By that, I mean that no matter what I felt, my mother was the one that validated those feelings. I'm guessing this is what people mean when they say they have lost their anchor. I anticipated this a little while she was still alive but I had no idea what it would really feel like after her death. Does this ring true for anyone else?

Appointments had me out and about the last two days, in beautiful weather.
My dH and I enjoyed lunch out. Such a good meal made it so we were hardly hungry when dinner time came.

Pam,

You are doing the right thing . Many years ago I read that it’s better to read the news instead of watching it including videos and live on the scenes “ bad stuff”.

Send the news can put my hubs in a bad mood ,, I try to avoid it on TV and just read it in the evening on my laptop! Then I can stop when it gets too much! The world is a scarey place these days. Probably always was but now the news just ramps it up so much.

Send,

Indeed, the news is very depressing. You’re right. We have to take a break from it and occupy our minds with something else for a while.

Since early this morning, the news had set me off to a bad mood. I did not like the news today. There was sad, strange, scary, and tragic. All in my area.
Nothing to do about it, and it would have been better for me to not read it.

So, I am not going to think about it anymore.

We have some Aussie Bites from costco, I had two (mostly oats with raisins and apricots) with a rare afternoon serving of coffee. And a great salad today.

Anybody out there having a better day? I would be glad to hear it.

Margaret,

I can see how not seeing a stylist would save tons of money! I also see the convenience of it.

I guess that I am so used to going every six weeks. I did have my husband cutting my hair during Covid. He did a pretty good job.

My husband wouldn’t say that I did a good job cutting his hair though because I am not good with hair! LOL 😆, He did appreciate that I tried though.

Need, when my hair is twisted and clipped, it doesn’t have a chance to look stringy! Thinner is usually easier, as less weight stops it falling down out of the clip. I started cutting my mother’s hair when I was 17 and she was housebound with a stroke, at a time when there were no visiting hair dressers. I still have the ‘teach yourself’ books I got then, and have cut many people’s hair since.

Cwillie, cutting your own hair is quite difficult, much more than cutting on other heads. The one to avoid is cutting hair for someone who is going bald. They look even more bald with each cut, and blame you! DH is now so bald that it doesn’t matter. We were always ‘hair compatible’ – I was prepared to go long, and neither of us cared about ‘bald’.

Same to you, Alva! Enjoy your Thanksgiving celebrations!

Margaret,

Your hair must be prettier than mine. As I aged, my hair got thinner. I had thick hair when I was younger. So did mom and grandma. Their hair got thinner as they aged too. I think it is a genetic thing.

I wouldn’t be able to have long hair. It would look stringy! I keep mine in a pixie cut.

My great aunts had beautiful thick long hair that they put up in a bun.

cw,

My stylist begged me not to cut my own hair, nor my children’s bangs. I am not good at it! My kids ran if they saw me with scissors in my hand! LOL 😆

LOL Margaret. I'm satisfied with the relative ease of my current pixie.
I did cut my own hair for a while and I think I did a pretty good job of it too, but I'm not as dexterous as I once was so now I limit myself to trimming around the ears and my bangs. I've gone through the long and straight 70's to the permed big hair of the 80's, but I think my worst look was the chin length bob in the 90's (it didn't suit me at all, what was I thinking).

Haircuts: I stopped going to the hairdresser 20 odd years ago, when I married Tony and found that he would really really really like me to grow my hair. At that point I had a Mia Farrow very very very fashionable short cut that cost me $60 every 6 weeks. I’ve not paid a penny in hairdressing since then. I wear it up in a clip, and when it gets a bit long and heavy, I hold it in my fist at pony-tail band level. Tony cuts off a couple of inches from the ends, and then clips my neck fluff. My hair drops down ready graded. The last couple of years he clips the bit up my cheeks in front of my ears, because that didn’t grow long and often used to stick out. It all takes less than 10 minutes max.

I really would recommend it. I’ve saved a packet, it’s always convenient, and even when it needs a weekly wash it still looks fine.

I want to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving week, and to let you know I am very thankful for this community I so enjoy. It's honestly the first thing I do in the morning. A cup of java going all caramel color with cream, my laptop on a pillow, and me sitting on the bed in the sun, diving in to see what's new. The day will wait.

I love everything about us, but especially fact that in all of our variety, there is the commonality of our wish to try to help others.
In a time when social media can go all caustic very easily, I think we are one decent group.

I have been helped here.
I have learned a lot here.
Please, all be well.