Hi everyone, this is quite a complex situation.

Started by

My father in law lives in Florida, we live in the UK. We spent Christmas with him last year He was constantly receiving phone calls from two girls from a family down the street. The family is known to us, but the thing is the mother. She gets the girls to call and ask for money or gifts. His dad is catholic and loves children, and when we asked him about this he said the kids have nothing and I want to help. While we were there we found utility bills, cell phone bills and others of which are the other families. We also found a Christmas list of top of the range cameras, clothes and a in ground trampoline which they asked my father in law to buy them. He already pays for private school and tennis coaching for the older girl. This family are bleeding him dry and he sees nothing wrong with what there doing. The mother of the girls is divorced with 2 older children. She lives in a huge home and recently had a pool built and new car, she doesn't work so my guess is he's paid for this too. She knows we are moving back to help my father in law and asked her girls for the local catholic priest to make her girls his holy grand children. He's a wealthy man, we wouldn't be so concerned if she helped him around the home but all she does is take from him. There has to be something we can do??? Is this illegal what she's doing??
It's driving us crazy, we really don't know what she will do next.
Thank you


I would contact a elder law attorney and tell them what you have told us. If anything they will be able to tell you what you need to do. I wouldn't put this off I would do this asap! It sounds to me like they know he has money and they know they can get from him what they want and he thinks he's just being a good guy. He is a good guy but he just might be taken advantage of! I have seen personally that family as well as friends and strangers can all take advantage of someone in your father in laws position. I've had to deal with family taking their grandmother for everything she had left. So call an elder law attorney fast! Good luck to you!
Debbo64 gave good advice. Right now thats your best option to handle the situation properly. I however, would probably do the opposite( the worse thing to do), I would go tell this women like it is!!! Try to stay calm but persistant!! I too have known of a situation like this going on and unfortunately the family never knew till the money was gone and so was the scam artist!! It is so sad that good people out there can be robbed blind by bad people.
Good luck to you!
I too would talk to the woman. I would tell her if she or her girls take one more dime from your father-in-law that you're going to contact the District Attorney about her. Whether or not there is any legal recourse I don't know, but what I do know if she's feeling at all guilty about scamming this man, she'll get scared and stop.
Thanks everyone. The thing is we have confronted her she laughs in our face then tells my father in law more lies and he has a argument with us! She's twists everything we say because she knows he will side with them. When we go to see him flying 4000 miles his house is a mess, we have to sort the entire house for him while were there while she lives round the corner and does nothing. It's so annoying. We have a tape recording of her saying she wants to be his whore, this was while he was married to my mother in law. She really is scum. Her whole family including the older ones ask and take from him. But they can do no wrong. It's always us.
Hey naheaton! good to see you!

Janet: the DA it is! try a call to the district attorney's investigators office and see what you can find out about the local law and this situation of elder ABUSE.
You could arrange to have him declared incompetent to handle his financial affairs. Nasty, yes but if it is warranted...? It appears that he is not making good financial decisions and is arguing with you guys about it because that's what the elderly do when they are losing it. sad but true.
Just because someone has money is no excuse for this gold digger's behavior. that money is his and should be used for him and the people taking care of him not her and her family. don't expect her to do anything for him. that's not the way the takers operate.
Nice values she's teaching the kids, yes?
More caregivers will post with more ideas and you will have a slew to pick from!
good luck with this and keep us posted.
I didn't find the age of your father-in-law in your posting.Also, you mentioned his house is disorganized/messy, but is he competent other than that? Does he remember names and places and seem to articulate his thoughts clearly? He may be so lonely and need the companionship (little that it is) so much that he doesn't care how much it costs to keep the woman's attention. He has obviously set aside his pride for the other family, but it seems he knows exactly what he is doing. Unless he is clearly showing dementia/Alzheimer's symptoms in other areas of his life, then other than warning him and talking to her, which you have done, I don't think there's anything you can do other than hope that he finally realizes that she doesn't really love him and that she is using him. He is a grown man doing with his money something foolish - but he earned the money, and it is his to waste. I am so sorry if I sound harsh. I do believe the woman has criminal intent, but outside of your recording more of her speaking to prove it, it's completely in your father-in-law's hand. So sorry, again.
Janet, maybe it's time your father-in-law takes a vacation to see you guys. Maybe you can de-program him at a distance.
Maybe a Restraining Order? I don't know what actually qualifies in order to place one against this woman. I think a vaction to see you would be a good break. However, does this woman have access to his home and accounts? If he is awaying seeing you, can she still take advantage of him?
Is your father able to or willing to move to another house away from this woman?I am afraid that if you can't get distance between you father in law and this woman its going to be harder to stop her stealing. Cause it seems your father in law is okay doing things for her.
You guys are great, the laws are different over in the uk. His dad won't come to us, says it's too cold, don't blame him! We have decided to sell our house and move to him. The last time we were there he hardly saw them because his own grand children were with him, he is a lonely elderly man who as you say is being taken advantage off. We will stop her one way or another and wipe the fake smile off her face. Forgot to say also we found paperwork for a trust fund set up for the 2 youngest for an amount of $150,000. Goodness how much more there are. Thanks once again guys x

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support