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Hello,

I experienced my first angry outburst at the hospital where my mother in law is. She made a number of angry statements about me "admitting" her to hospital. I am not a doctor so have no admission privileges but due to lots of concerns I did indicate that I needed to either drive her to hosp/ER or I would call an ambulance. She was extremely incontinent (caused by an undiagnosed UTI) and unable to clean up her clothing. Her condo reeked on urine almost every day. She would pee in a pot as she could keep it close to her bed. She doesn't cook anymore so no concern about using the pot for cooking. However, she would leave the pot in the kitchen sink.

She was not able to walk more than a few feet and that would take her a long time.

She is completely socially isolated, doesn't hear or answer the phone, is clinically depressed and survives on "Boost" and other beverages.

The doc told her today she would be discharged - and would contact the family to arrange for discharge. We called the nursing unit to confirm what home care services would be in place post discharge. No plans had been made so we indicated that we would not be able to have her discharged.

We stopped by to see her at supper and to encourage her to eat. Upon out arrival, she was hostile, very upset particiularly at me who had been quite involved in her arriving at hopsital and getting admitted. Her recollection of the experience was not accurate and she made a number of statements that were completely untrue. The hospital staff and my husband were able to calm her somewhat.

I was devastated about what she said about me including wanting to get a lawyer etc to deal with me. I left the room as my presence was escalating her behavior.

My husband and I jointly decided to say no to her being discharged but she put all of this on me. I imagine that she felt completely out of control of what was happening to her and around her.

Will she remember how she felt toward me today and any of the things I said? If I see her tomorrow will similar things happen?

We are hoping to see her placed in a care setting that can support her - nutrition, social contact, etc.

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If she gets discharged and sent home, have Social Services go and do a welfare check. She won't pass, and the burden will be on them, so that will give her less amunition toward you. She is afraid. She knows she can't take care of herself, but doesn't know what to do, and it's never easy to give up independence.

Will she remember what she said to you? It depends on if she has severe memory problems. The point is, you don't need to take the abuse. I'm glad others took over. You did the right thing to walk out of the room. I hope she gets a good checkup to see if medication can help her mental state, and determine if she has a form of dementia.

If the hospital can't place her in a care setting, then please call social services (under your county in the phone book). They will see that she isn't safe alone and help you get her placed. You're a good person to watch after her. She won't appreciate this, but you need to do what is right for her anyway. Someday, she'll adjust to her new setting, and may even forget all about this. Either way, you must detach from the abuse and you and your husband can follow through with the help of a third party. You'll know you did the right thing.

Carol

Carol
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