What do you do when an insult is hurled your way, privately or publicly? Do you pretend you didn't hear it, hurl an insult right back, or hold it in and cry when you're alone?
How we deal with criticism -- no matter who it's from -- will determine whether we develop a tough skin or let the criticism get to us.
When insults and criticism come from a loved one, it is even more hurtful. People tend to be at their worst with the people they love the most. People feel safe enough with family to just "let it all hang out."
Here are some tips for dealing with criticism and insults:
Don't Take Every Insult Personally
Though the insults are thrown your way, the reason behind them probably has nothing to do with you. An elder may be angry at their circumstances: growing old, losing their independence, watching spouses and friends die. This has nothing to do with family members, but unfortunately, they bear the brunt of the anger.
Pull away from the situation and look at it without ego, as if you were observing someone else's life. Is it possible you are being overly sensitive, or has someone treated you like a doormat for no reason? A clear sense of which it is will help you find the best solution.
Realize You Can't Please Everyone
You can be the best caregiver in the world, but people -- be it your elderly parent, siblings or friends -- can always find fault. It's human nature. Someone will find something that you do wrong, or tell you that you aren't doing something right. It's a fact of life and we can't change it. Accept this and you'll be a happier person.
Accept That No One Likes Criticism
No one likes to be told that they are wrong. Yet, every single person has, at one time or another, been criticized for something. Realize that it's a normal part of life. You might receive some harsh criticism, but it doesn't mean that you are dumb, or incompetent.
Stand Up For Yourself
If an elder or family member becomes abusive, you can calmly say you won't be treated like that and walk away. Once they see they aren't getting the desired outcome -- to get you riled up -- they might "cease and desist." Another way to stand up for yourself is to remove yourself from the situation. Find home care for your parent. Having a stranger who isn't quite as caring, or familiar, might make the elder realize how much they want and need your help. Let the family member step in to the role of caregiving. Once they've experienced how hard it is first-hand, and walked in your shoes, they likely won't be nearly as critical.
Smiling, even a false smile, can help us relax. It creates a more positive vibration and diffuses the situation. It will definitely help you psychologically. It's hard to be upset or hurl back insults when you're smiling.
If you can learn how to cope with criticism, you can eliminate the stress and anxiety over what people think, and be happier and healthier.