13 New Year's Resolutions for Caregivers

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It’s human to want a fresh start. Even though I know that December 31 of one year is rarely that different from January 1 of the next, I greet each New Year’s Day as a new beginning. I can’t explain it, but the first day of January always gives me a psychological boost, be it ever so brief.

Like most caregivers, I always strove for perfection and I always wound up feeling like I fell short. There is no way that I know of to be a perfect caregiver. The needs of any care receiver can change in an instant. We can miss subtle signals. We are often so tired and stressed that we may absentmindedly forget to pick up a prescription, check an adult brief or do the laundry. All of these things can bring on a huge case of unearned caregiver guilt.

It is so easy to get wrapped up in the difficult feelings and the pressure. Every so often, caregivers need to remind themselves that they are doing their personal best. The New Year is a perfect time to take inventory of our lives and see what improvements we can make. My thought is that we can look at the coming year with fresh eyes, even though that freshness may only last a moment.

Let’s make a list of New Year’s resolutions and pretend we’ll keep them all. Even if you only stick to one of them, remember that progress is good, no matter how small.

New Year’s Resolutions to Consider

  1. I give myself permission to not keep the following resolutions or to keep them only partway.
  2. When I feel I am imperfect, I will remember that guilt is not an option as long as I know I did the best I could, given the circumstances.
  3. I will find time alone for myself, even though that seems impossible. That may mean asking for help from people and sources I’ve never considered before.
  4. Regardless of how deserving the source, I will say no to requests for my time when I know I can’t add any more to my plate.
  5. I will remember that family members and friends who are not care receivers deserve some of my time. This may mean a little less of my attention will go to my care receiver, and that is okay.
  6. I will follow through with my own health care appointments and screenings, including dental cleanings and eye exams.
  7. I will find a way to monitor my own energy levels so I can recharge my batteries before I hit the point of exhaustion and burnout.
  8. I will remember that seeking advice from professionals, organizations and fellow caregivers is a sign of strength, not weakness.
  9. I will remember that my care receiver didn’t choose the illness or disability that he or she is living with.
  10. I will remember that I didn’t choose this life for my care receiver either, so I won’t be a martyr to their illness.
  11. I will remember that taking care of my own needs isn’t selfish. Taking care of myself benefits everyone I love.
  12. I will get appropriate help for myself if depression, anxiety or other mental health issues become apparent to me, my friends or my family.
  13. I will be open to alternative ways of caring for myself. This can include massage, aroma therapy, some form of meditation, exercise, attending a support group, seeking out respite care, or meeting with a therapist.

This list is merely a starting point. What resolutions would you add for yourself? Which would you delete? If you print out this list and hang it in a prominent place, you can work toward these goals a little bit every day. Even looking at it once a month will help you view your situation with a fresh perspective.

Remember, happiness isn’t about perfection—it’s about having realistic expectations. We all have room to adjust our expectations to more closely match reality, and that change alone can help us have a happier and more productive year.

Carol Bradley Bursack

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Over the span of two decades, author, columnist, consultant and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Her experiences inspired her to pen, "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories," a portable support group book for caregivers.

Minding Our Elders

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11 Comments

Excellent 12 points, Carol. Point 5 stood out in my mind so much that I am going to email a friend of mine today to see if there is one evening next week that she and I can have the evening meal together. I haven't found time for her for a long time. Between caring for my mother, being POA for my mom, dealing with my husband's many medical problems, preparing to move due to his problems, trying to meet neighbours and kids needs and then just living life in general, I have found it hard to fit in visits with friends except through letters, emails and phone calls. But I resolve to try to do better this year. Point 10 is something I would like my husband to remember. I did not choose for him to have all the problems he has. I wish he didn't have these problems. However when he thinks (often wrongly) that I am upset with something he has done or hasn't done, it doesn't help that he says in what seems to me to be a self-pitying tone of voice " I didn't ask to be sick." Some sick people can't seem to truly recognize that they aren't the ONLY one being affected by the illnesses. Also, the sick need to realize that their caregivers may not always be feeling the greatest either!!! Just because we aren't complaining about something all the time doesn't mean that we are feeling hale and hearty. Though we may end up there, none of us caregivers WANT to be among those 30% that Carol mentioned in point 11. Here's to a good year for all of us, the sick and the caregivers alike!
Appreciate the article. Great tips/reminders. We ARE important. Without us nursing homes would be over filled. Take care of yourself, you deserve it.♡
Great Article Carol! Thanks!!