My partner and I are going through a rough patch and I told her I want a separation. I was pretty involved in the care of her mother who has Alzheimer’s but I broke off all contact in May because her mom mistreated me. She has had to pick up all the slack because her sister doesn’t help. She recently had to fire the caregiver because of an incident that happened and has no replacement yet.
Despite us being on bad terms and me not even talking to her mom in months she asked if I can - at least temporarily - help her with her mom because she is overwhelmed.
I didn’t want to do it BEFORE the separation. I don’t want to do it now. I am starting to feel guilty a little because even though I want to split up I don’t know if it is right to watch her struggle to care for her mom. On the other hand, I couldn’t care less what happens to her mom right now.
What would you do in my situation? Should I just suck it up for a month?
We can always count on you to tell us how you feel without beating around the bush. I love it!
Then, I might tell her to call a few caregiver agencies to help out in the interim and wish her luck on finding a new permanent caregiver. Or you could suggest placement in a facility for her mom.
Be honest with yourself too. You know that you don’t want to be in this situation anymore. It wouldn’t end well if you caved in to your ex partner’s request.
You don’t owe her anything, not even an explanation if you don’t want to go into detail. I think that you are feeling empathy for your ex in this situation, not necessarily guilt.
You’re not talking about a child who deserves love from both parents. She can hire someone to help with caring for her mom.
Talking about, dealing with, my MIL is the ONE THING that keeps me and my DH apart, emotionally and physically and mentally. He puts her first and I feel it, and know it--and know why--but it's very hard to be the last person on the list.
I do not, and will not, help in the physical care of my MIL. I walked out 4 years ago and have not and will not go back.
Do NOT walk back in to that.
Esp if MIL knows you're splitting up. While that would thrill MY MIL to pieces, it would come at such a cost.
Perhaps MIL could go in respite care while your ex takes some personal time and finds her a home.
I know this must be a tough decision to make.
She knows that her mom mistreated you and now she is asking for you to go back into the line of fire. This is a red flag for sure.
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