What do you do when your mother-in-law yells at you?

She has dementia, or the beginnings of it. Take on the parent role. It's hard. And don't expect her son to back you up because she will pull rank on him and he will turn into a truant 12-year-old (been there, done that with two sons and a daughter -- they all folded). This is not something unusual. She is not who she used to be (even at the best of times). Don't take it personally. She is striking out . . . you will too, someday. Keep your perspective (yes, I did repeat that intentionally). Don't ever, ever, ever, fight back. It only makes things worse. Just walk away. Come back later. Keep your perspective (again) -- this is someone who has a mental illness It is not about you but about them, and elderly get more and more egocentric as they age. You are the caretaker, take the higher road and do what is necessary for the good of the patient. My father was a doctor and many time he would come home in tears because he knew the condition of a patient, and he knew the outcome. And he had to break the news. But to the patient he had to maintain his professional distance. It is hard, it's hard, it's hard. Carry on. You are the only bridge your MIL has to sanity. Stay in touch with this website. It has helped me in so many ways as I traveled down your path. Bless you.

My husband deals with his family, I deal with mine. Period. In fact a lot of people I know do this as well. I just stay "out of it". Works for me and my poor husband does not have to deal with my awful mother. His mom was a saint. :/

thanks for your advice as for dimentia are those the only signs

Loisygirl -- dementia takes on many forms. There is no perfect identifiable attribute. My girlfriend's father, who was a sweet, mild mannered minister (Episcopal) turned into a mad angry person that would strike out at anyone who "told him what to do." My sister created an alternate reality and created a husband that she hid from the family -- and baby (not) -- and would argue with me about that (my mistake for trying to understand this since she was my first experience. My MIL said that I am responsible for her husband early demise (cancer at 39) but she can't remember where or when (I was in another state at the time and only a teenager), but she now hates me for that . . . just remember that YOU are sane, and that your reality is in sync. Many times your MIL will be looking to you for confirmation of her reality. Depending on how you answer will either assist, or create the most confusing angry situation imaginable. It will come to you out of left field and you have no control of the outcome. Just try to be as comforting and neutral as possible. You can walk away to compose yourself. You can have "me" time. And don't let anyone else tell you you are not doing a good job. If they aren't truly assisting you then they can take a walk too, and keep going.

She needs to remember she is in Your Home now and you make the rules and no loud voices allowed.
Sandra

Prayers for you and your family!

Something I learned in dealing with rude, loudmouthed inlaws: say what you need to say calmly and clearly , then shut up and walk away. Don't get dragged into it.