What to say when your mother calls you a f*****g b***h right after you just fed her a wonderful dinner?

Roger, Roger, Roger,...you don't say anything. You just let it roll right off your back.
When are you going to realize that your moms brain is broken, and get her placed in the appropriate facility?
You cannot take anything she says anymore serious. This is the disease speaking and not your mom. The sooner you learn that, the better off you'll be.
And the sooner you get back to your own home and family the better off you'll be as well.

Take time to think about the responses to your posts instead of having a knee jerk reaction.

I know that you aren’t able to leave caregiving behind just yet. I personally know how hard it is to be a full time caregiver. I cared for my parents.

Is it possible for you to hire additional help so that you can get a break?

It’s very hard to endure caregiving for long periods of time without breaks.

I am concerned that you are going to burn out.

While it’s nice to be appreciated for our efforts, your mother doesn’t have the capability of being appreciative.

Your self worth shouldn’t depend on your mother’s opinion of you. Don’t allow your ego to get the better of you.

It takes courage to let go of expectations and resist the temptation to ‘one up’ the person who is getting on our nerves. Let go and be at peace.

I'll comment also. Roger asks in this post " What to say......?"

Thats irrelevent at this time. Roger posted a couple of weeks ago that he is at his wits end. Yesterday we get this post. At this point things are beyond "what to say". The question is now - "what to do "......
To me it appears that ROger and his Mom just should not live in the same house any more.

A number of us asked him questions on the last posts so that we can suggest the best way to do this but I'm not sure if all of that was clarified . eg POA status, financial ability to be placed etc. If its just not possible to have her move out, then what can be done to get some extra people into the house to help? Just Roger and Mom only seems to be going very badly

Sometimes when my mother said nasty things to me, I'd tell her that I don't need to be there if she's going to insult me, and I'd go outside for a walk. She was typically much nicer when I returned, and she even apologized for being mean to me a couple of times.

Stop trying to please your mother. It's never going to happen. Hopefully you place her in a facility before she destroys you mentally and physically.

What to say? Say nothing.

That's not the real question is it.

Do you want to know how to make your Mother more grateful & say thankful to you?

To act nicer & say nicer things to you.
To sleep at night so you can too.
To stop hoarding stuff.
To overall just be easier to look after?

I would say it takes one to know one and walk away. Let her think about it.

I would tell both my parents that I bet they wish they had raised me better when they started with the personal attacks. I just own that people have their own opinions and ya know, they are like behinds, everyone has one and many of them stink. I don't have to get sucked in by their nonsense and neither do you with your ungrateful, unappreciative, mean mouth mom.

Find ways to give it back to her, walk away and find humor for yourself in the craziness of her broken brain.

Her brain is broken. She can't learn anything new. She can't retain something you told her or she said five minutes ago.

You know all this already. So that being said when she calls you an 'F-ing b*tch' try this. Look her in the face and tell to go 'F-herself' and that you can put her into a nursing home any time you want. Then ignore her for the rest of the night. Perhaps she won't remember you telling her this, but you will sure feel better. If she does remember you saying this, that's a win and she isn't as far gone as you may have thought. I used to have an old lady client with dementia where the two of us would just swear at each other back and forth while I changed her diapers, washed her, dressed her, etc... Sometimes this works.

Years back when I was a supervisor at an AL, there was a resident who whenever I was going by she's say out loud to whoever was around. 'There goes that fat b*tch (my actual name)'. Usually she'd follow up with some kind of other insult or another.
I walked away all but one time. Everyone has a breaking point and no one has an unlimited supply of patience.

So I turned around, backed her against a wall and told her to repeat what she said to me. She got very flustered and upset and said that she didn't say anything to me. I told her if she ever said anything about me again, she'd be very sorry she did.

After that she never said a word when I went by. In fact, she'd usually go the other way if she saw me coming. She would not go on any of the outings or shopping trips if it was my day to ride with the residents on our bus.

She avoided me for a year. She had been diagnosed with cognitive decline and dementia. That's why her family moved her into AL. Yet, she still possessed enough mental faculties to never speak to me or around me again after she was confronted. Sometimes, they'll surprise you.

The next time your mother says something like that to you, give it right back to her and see what happens. She might surprise you.

dont say anything back. Walk out of the room for a while

That must have really hurt. 😞 I’m very sorry you’re going through this. If she has dementia, her brain is broken, unfortunately.