I am back-up POA for my long-time neighbor and she has repeatedly lost her wallet, checkbook and other important documents. She panics and we search high and low and they're not to be found. She blames "the kids next door" or other people she can't name for coming into her home and taking them. In most cases the items appear a week or two later and she has no memory of where she found them (or even that they were lost). Any suggestions? Aside from clearing out cupboards so there are fewer places for them to be hidden...
My suggestion is to get the neighbor caregivers coming in, or placed in a Memory Care Assisted Living facility, and for the financial POA to take over all management of checkbooks, documents and bill paying.
I had a friend, "Vee," a widow who claimed that people came into her house and stole things, every kind of thing. It was concerning, and our other friend, "Ann," and I knew that it wasn't happening. Vee's daughter was worried too, but Vee cut off contact with her daughter, an R.N., when daughter started insisting she have a cognitive evaluation.
Ann often went to Vee's house to help her with gardening, repairs, and to visit. One day Ann received a letter from Vee, and it had been sent to a long list of our friends as well. It was two pages accusing Ann of stealing her underwear, blouses, slacks, computer thumb drives, cooking implements, a crockpot, food - you name it. Vee stated that at first she hadn't wanted to believe Ann was taking all these things, but had changed her locks anyway. BUT THEN -Vee went on vacation, and Ann must have stolen a set of those new keys because when Vee got back, many more things were missing. Floor mats, tools, more food, more clothes. Vee decided that Ann was a kleptomaniac and put that in the letter too. Of course, Ann hadn't taken anything and never would.
Ann was heartbroken. She called Vee's daughter, who said that her hands are tied due to Vee's hostile attitude and shutting her out. Daughter is going to wait until something major happens, like a fall, and then Vee's mental decline will be addressed from the ER.
Run for the hills! It may not be long before you are the one that your neighbor accuses. I understand loyalty to friends and all that good stuff, but this can only get worse.
If so it might be time to discuss with the primary POA that there either needs to be a caregiver 24/7 or that it might be time to look at Memory Care for her.
Is the primary POA living close? Maybe it is time to contact the POA and have that person look through the house each and every time. They may be under the false impression that "Sadie" does not need more help because you are there to take care of what needs to be done.
And since I am of the belief that a person with dementia should not be living alone what I would do is this.
If the primary does not think full time caregivers are needed or Memory Care is not needed I would either step back from being a secondary POA and putting it in writing that you do not think it is safe for her to be living alone.
If she does not live alone and has someone at her home 24/7 who looks after her and the house, that's different. If such is the case just ignore her paranoid nonsense. Let her carry around a checkbook from a de-activated account and her caregiver can keep a duplicate. When she forgets where she put hers, the caregiver can produce it. With her wallet, remove her current ID, any active credit cards or importnt documents, and lock them up. Replace them with expired inactivated ones.
The most important thing is your neighbor has to live under supervision now. She cannot be left to her own devices anymore.
You say that you are POA for this neighbor. Are you certain you are up to taking over her accounts, finances, keeping meticulous records about funds into and out of her accounts, finding her safe placement or in home care.
This is an enormous job.
That said, you are looking at one of the most common things in dementia. My brother, who had so few symptoms, did worry about loss of "his stuff" and worries over who took it. My partner's Mom was almost comical in her constant accusations at her long time housekeeper, Wilma. So much so that today when N. and I lose stuff (we are in our 80s) we look at one another and chime in with "WILMA TOOK IT".
You might want to consider watching all the educational information you can find on both POA and on dementia. Teepa Snow's videos are an excellent place to start. Sure do wish you the best.
Gather all the documents you can (not easy!) and return photocopies to her. Intercept her mail.
I walked in and found my mother mixing a grey slurry. She was dissolving important documents in water with bleach so scammers couldn’t get them! Ugh!
But like others have pointed out, this woman should not be living alone. Does the primary PoA know about her paranoia and increasing forgetfulness? Dementia is progressive so she's only getting worse by the month. Eventually she will accuse *you* of stealing from her (like my Mom is starting to do to me).
She should not have access to her banking or important papers, or driving by herself (if she's doing this). She is a prime candidate for scamming and true theft. Her PoA could purchase a locking fireproof safe to keep these items in her bedroom closet. But really, she needs AL or MC and much more daily care than she's currently getting.
And yes: if you are a back-up PoA for someone with dementia you will need to learn about it so that it goes better for her and you.
There is only so long that a person with dementia can live safety alone.
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