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So he actually forged some of those checks he took? Is she planning to report it to the police? I can see that she would be torn between reporting it and just letting it go because it was her grandson, but sad for her to know he has stolen from her.
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My father lost 100$, when i wake up that morning ,my father slap me,i dont know anything that time my father directly accuse me as a thieft how to make my father to believe i am not a thieft p/s i tried my hard to find that money back:(
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your father slapped you?! uh, hm...think you have bigger problems than just him thinking you stole his money....
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2nd best, yes, of course he had to have forged those checks he took, those he wrote anyway, still not sure whether he's actually written all he took or not and not really sure she can report him, since it's not her name he forged but granddad's and he's sure not going to do anything; he either really doesn't care, which is possible, since he never did, or he really doesn't know what's going on, which he may not, since she handles the money, not sure who to say who's being the most affected; he's the one needing the care but she's the one providing it and killing her
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2nd best, something I don't understand; that very same bank that pretty much knew those checks were forged, when they learned another check by somebody else, not theirs, was, their fraud team itself filed a police report; now what did it take for them to do that in that case but not in this one...
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Hmmm debdaughter, that is puzzling that the bank would file a report on one person's fraud but not in your case. But I guess maybe it depends on if the defrauder is a family member or not. It would be hard to compare the forged signature on the checks with the grandfather's actual signature unless he has some signed documents you can lay your hands on. Sounds like he doesn't usually write or sign checks. Knowing that fact alone would be cause to suspect they were forgeries. Gosh, I don't know what recourse you have debdaughter. Sad how low some family members can stoop when it comes to money!! I feel for ya!
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So ive read many of these responses and they all sound the same. What i want is an answer to how to best deal with a situation that is getting progressively worse. Not to mention its wearing on me and my brothers and our own relationship with each other. I try to be understanding but everytime there is an accusation its like it cuts a piece of my spirit away. I need a plan for how to deal with this.
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Pflanagan, are and your brothers just being accused directly or are you being reported to law enforcement?
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As far as I know she has not c9ntacted police. Sunday last she shows up at my house accusing me of taking her wedding ring, which she found later, blessing me out in front of my nephew. I remained calm and told her its not right for her to do what shes doing. Of course when i asked about it later she didnt remember even coming by the house. Its just all very frustrating.
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I tell you, I am going through the same thing right now of being accused of stealing her ring, one of which I have, her barrel , her computer you name it. At first I was mad because she can logically reason other situations. Not sure yet how to manage this sort of this but looking for some solutions to dementia as I can only imagine that it is destined to get worst.
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DayonR, here is an excellent article that I found here on Aging Care that will be helpful.

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/how-to-handle-alzheimers-disease-lying-144204.htm
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2nd best, are you still around?
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Well I am back here again. Thank God for Google. AND I forgot that I had submitted my challenge back 5 years ago for the same thing. I am rereading these posts and it has already helped me. Thank you Caregivers. Happy New Years 2018
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My mom doesn't have dementia, just very poor memory. She loses or misplaces things and then says "someone" must have taken them. And I know by "someone" she means me. I think 90% of the time when she can't find something, it ended up in the garbage, as the things rarely turn up. She just lost her second car key, so is using the valet key. A new key is $400, and she'll just lose it, so I am not encouraging her to get a new one. My husband was looking for her keys over the holidays. He didn't find them, but did find a bracelet "someone" had taken some time ago. It was in a floor heating vent.
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Wow, these stories!

I have been helping an elderly aunt since she has a myriad of health problems and her only living child won't help. Neither will her grandchildren. I have shuttled her to countless doctor appointments, gotten her in and out of the hospital at least 4 times in the past year, in and out of PT rehab, done her weekly grocery shopping, separated meds, etc. On and on. She regularly hides or misplaces things and immediately announces that someone stole it. 

She is now living in an assisted living facility (long time coming). She calls me daily with some type of crisis. Yesterday she called me screaming that someone had stolen her keys from her purse. She found them but didn't bother to call and tell me that. Now she is telling others I took her jewelry from her house. She also said I "stole her postage stamps she had hidden in her medicine cabinet!" Stamps in the medicine cabinet? 

(I'm the type who wouldn't steal a stale cracker from her even if I was starving). But I shouldn't even have to defend my character to anyone who KNOWS her or me and all that I've done for her. I know she hid her jewelry because she hides everything. She has lost 2 sugar monitors, her eyeglasses, a dental bridge, and now several pieces of her jewelry.  Over the past year she has accused me of stealing an insurance check (she found it in a pile of mail), snooping in her checkbook (because I was in the same room with it), stealing a necklace (which she later found and hid again), then accused me of stealing the same necklace and other jewelry.

I know she has mild dementia setting in and I know the one who does the most for the feeble minded catches HELL, but it still hurts. No matter what you do for them, they expect more and more and treat you worse and worse.

She accused her granddaughter of stealing a small pack of photos. When her granddaughter found them on top of the entertainment center, my aunt accused her of putting them there!

I saw my grandmother treat my mom this way. My mom did EVERYTHING for her and my grandmother constantly yelled and berated her and accused her of stealing her money. She would be sweet as syrup to her son whenever he would visit. She would tell us my mother neglected her. 

When my mom and dad finally took a much deserved vacation, they arranged for my grandmother to stay a week with her son and his wife and then a week at home with sitters and visitors coming daily. A few days before my parents returned from  vacation, my grandmother had one of her sitters in tears demanding she call APS and report my parents for abandonment!

It is so incredibly frustrating!
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Oh my heart goes out to you all. My mum died in 2012 December and then my older brother (49 at the time) died exactly a year later, both of cancer. My Dad's always been a bit of a grumpy sod with us, although he is able to turn on the charm to anyone else. He really showed his true colours when my mum and brother passed away. I tried to have a cordial relationship with him but he showed no loyalty to my mothers memory, he dated most every woman that threw her glances his way and just a few days before my brother died he went on a cruise!!!! My brother was on a palliative ward in hospital for 10 days and on New Years Eve he passed away. When he was made to return (we got ship to shore and sorted flights) he behaved appaulingly. He held a meeting. He presented us with a paper with bullet points on it.

So skip forward to 2017. I wanted him to meet my now husband. We had been together 5 years but with all that was going on, he had only met my Dad at Richard's funeral. So when we got engaged, I said to Dad I thought they should meet. Dad was thrilled. He came to the house and proceeded to show us photos of a lady called Linn!!! He too apparently had known her 5 years, but was not intending on marrying "as marriage was a waste of time and just a piece of paper!!!" Well as you can imagine I was flabergasted.

A little bit further on and Dad was burgled. Strangely they took my dead brothers fishing gear, amounting to quite a collection of expensive things. They didn't take anything else and if you knew the lay out of the house, then you would know it's odd. In light of this I asked Dad if I could move Mum's jewellery she left me over 6 years prior to my own home and I would get a good safe. He agreed. About a week after I moved it, I had a random phone call accusing me of stealing a ring he had wanted to keep. I hadn't of course but it had been in the safe in a box, I know that because I check what was left in the safe. The fact he accused me rather than say 'did you perhaps pick it up when you moved your mum's jewellery' or something similar, was what hurt the most. No amount of me telling him he was mistaken helped. I was so angry I told him a week later he was not invited to my wedding unless he retracted what he said. You've guessed it, I did eventually think better of my decision so sent him and Linn and invite. He refused to come to the wedding, much to the horror of all our family and friends. His best friends of 60 years came and they were so mad at him for not coming and also because he accused me of stealing.

The truth is I thought I was alone, but clearly I'm not. There are so many people going through this with their parents and I have to say I'm relieved. I can't forgive my father for all manor of things and the jewellery is the least of it. The things he's admitted to me about having tantrums and storming out on my mum, running our cat over in one of these stupid childish tantrums (something our mum kept a secret). I can't forgive him going away when my brother was dying, or not attending my wedding, not to mention having my brother cremated when he wanted to be buried next to my mother. But at least I know I'm not alone
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Suddoz Sep 2018
Wow! And I thought I had it bad! I’m so sorry to hear this. It is heart wrenching on so many levels. My mom accused me of stealing two necklaces and lying about it. What breaks my heart is it shows her true opinion of me and my character. I know what people think of us is none of our business, but when it comes to our parents, it’s a different story. She later found the necklaces and called and apologized. I very quickly accepted her apology, yet it still lingers with me that I know how she really feels about me. My sister is also an accuser. She is losing her mind from alcoholism, and becomes nastier everyday. I was shunned from her husband’s funeral because I posted on Facebook about his death before she could. I admit, it was stupid and wrong of me as I didn’t think of the FB posting etiquette and I made a big blunder, however I said nothing bad, I simply said he passed and his family is traveling to xyz, he was a good friend and will be missed. I later tried calling her, texting her to apologize for my faux pas and she would not speak to me for months. Then I later find out she’s mad at me and my brother because we didn’t come to her to help her move after her husband died! It’s logistically impossible to help someone move when they won’t speak to you. It truly hurts to be misunderstood. I look at the St. Francis of Assisi prayer for comfort and I look at how Jesus and so many others were persecuted and my story pales in comparison.
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Call the police first. Beat your parents to the punch and ask the police what you should do and document everything.
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