I'm wondering how to find out what's reasonable and understandable versus carelessness or neglect in memory care units. It has been a real education since we got my 95 y.o. dad into one in January. I've spent my life trying to be understanding, and yet I find myself privately angry at this fancy place we are paying 13k a month for. I understand that working as a caregiver on a memory care unit can be like herding cats. I understand times are hard with staffing and there is turnover. I understand I understand I understand. But how much should you excuse? What's important and what do you let go?
I stopped by on my way home from work tonight and saw my dad sitting alone waiting for supper. Everyone else had eaten and had gone off to watch TV in the group area. Dad often orders something other than what is served everyone else, because he doesn't like the food there. I was told he had ordered fish and chips or a cheeseburger. They kept saying it's coming, it's coming... and 40 minutes later it still wasn't there. I went down to the kitchen to check and they were harried and didn't know what I was asking. I came back upstairs to let my dad know they were still working on it, and he looks so pathetic sitting there off in the dining room by himself with his elderly head hanging down still waiting for supper so long after everyone else had eaten. It broke my heart. I went down to the front desk in tears asking the concierge the best way to schedule a family meeting in the next week with the manager, and he encouraged me to do so.
I went back upstairs to tell Dad it should be here any minute and they finally came around the corner with a very cold plate of fish and chips. Another caregiver told me that staffing had been erratic that day and a person who is telling me food was coming had gone on her break.
What do you make of something this? I know plenty goes on when we're not there, but I can only work with what I witness. I know things happen. I know there is a possibility of displacing my feelings about his decline onto the care facility. I don't want to rant and have them mistreat my dad either.
What would you do?
*If you show up and he is sitting in wet clothing ..that needs to be corrected.
*If you show up and ask where he is and no one knows and you find him wandering in the courtyard...that is a problem
The example you give with your dad's meal. What I would ask is this. Even though dad orders another meal could you bring him the meal that is being served to everyone, or at least a few items like some fruit or one of the sides. This way dad can eat while others are being served and then the meal that he wants even if it comes a bit later he will not be so hungry. This is sort of like what I did when the kids were little and we went to a restaurant. I would ask the server to bring some crackers to sort of tide the kids over until the meal came.
It is very possible that if they bring him the regular meal he may actually eat it and not "need" the one he ordered.
My stepmother is now in MC (stepfather died), she doesn't even know what she is eating all the complaining has ended.
He always wants special service/attention? These places are institutions serving the masses not designed to serve each person's special order for food, can you imagine if all patients wanted to order special meals? No one would get fed.
Perhaps you father needs to be told the facts, he won't die if he eats what is prepared for him, it is not a restaurant. Most menus include salads and more than one choice of food, why don't you go over the menu with him?
He could well be annoying the staff, just as he could be an annoying demanding parent in home care.
(I added a bit on about a lost wheelchair, which dropped off my first edit )