You always have God. Talk to him. I lost my husband, BFF, partner in crime, lover, teacher, companion, my everything 25 years ago this Jan. He was 34. I’ve always thought & felt losing him is killing me. My health tanked when I lost him. I started having frequent colds, flu & every virus & germ you can think of & more. I never lost God. He never lost me. I’m still mad @ him. He still answers my prayers. I have 3 good friends that got my back. I got theirs. Find someone to talk to, therapist, counselor, clergy, a pet, etc. A friend once told me when things got you down, it’s time to look up & I did. I made myself do things & get out of the house even tho I didn’t want to. None of it was or is easy. I do holidays w a friend’s family. I’m one of them now. I love them. They love me! I’m still here. Hang in there.
It would be nice to know your age. Me, I am a 74 yr old woman whose husband is my best friend. We do everything together. I have a handful of friends I see off and on. I was never one to be involved in extra-curricilar things. No longer involved in Church. What will I do if DH goes before me? Probably downsize and move to an apt. If I am up there, maybe an AL.
Good insights and encouragement has been given to you, including considering you may have undiagnosed depression.
One solution (if your LO predeceases you) is to find a reputable, faith-based care facility and move into there before you think you need it. They see care as a mission, not a profit enterprise. My MIL is in such a place in LTC on Medicaid and she's getting wonderul care by wonderful staff.
You will have to figure out the PoA or guardianship piece. There is such a thing as a Pre-need Guardianship document that a lawyer can draft up for you (where you get to select in advance who you want to be your legal guardian). When my SFIL was assigned a court-appointed guardian, the person was part of Luther Social Services. Their website gives details, like how their people are vetted and trained:
"Commitment to Quality - LSS Guardians/Conservators are professionals who are trained and certified through the Center for Guardianship Certification (CGC). - LSS Guardianship services follow the National Guardianship Association (NGA) standards of practice and participate as members of the Minnesota Association of Guardianship and Conservators (MAGiC) and the Guardianship Association of North Dakota. - Supported Decision-Making and Guardianship Options is accredited through the National Council on Accreditation (NCOA)."
I'm not recommending this specific organization (cuz they're probs not in your area) but look for such a service local to you so you are in control of your life and decisions as much as possible.
Forgot all about senior centers. I have a wonderful one just down the street. On Lok has daily free lunches, programs, and will even check the blood pressure. All free, or donation of your choice.
I recently discovered that there's a group near me where several older women live together in a house in a normal neighborhood. It's owned by someone or a charity, I'm not sure how it works. It looks really nice. It would be a good thing to check out where you live. No one is alone there.
I am with other here in that I do believe that what happens to you after, if you are not the first to go, will largely depend upon you. I myself, at 81 and throughout life am a loner. However, there is a helplessness to being aged and alone that doesn't quite match anything else. I am assuming you are not a member of a faithbased or other community. My own library has a lot of activities. There are even knitting groups there.
I think that there are people for whom at some point it is over. They are tired of it. Tired of worrying about the "next thing". For others they make new friends. Some join organizations such as "The Village" where they help others and are helped BY others.
I have even seen posts in Nextdoor of people saying they are alone, would like to walk out with others, go for coffee, visit. And there have been responses. Don't know where they went.
You are at least thinking about all of this. But I often feel/think that I really don't wish to be the one "left alone" and without support.
Dependent on finances, you could consider ALF where much of the burden of changing the battery in the smoke alarms, et al are removed from you, and where outings are arranged.
Get to the doctor stat to talk about your depression. When the person you're caring for passes, you rely on YOURSELF instead of others to care for you. You can hire help too. Or move into managed care.
You have likely bogged yourself down SO far into the caregiving lifestyle that you can't see a life for yourself beyond it. There IS one.
Life is a gift to be enjoyed every day. If you don't feel that way, then you need medical intervention to help you look at things differently.
Do you have the desire and wherewithal to change the situation? Many have had to build a new family when there was none left for a myriad of reasons. Please share more about your life circumstances
You do not give any indication of your age or your health conditions. What happens to you depends largely on you and how you adjust. There is life after caregiving you just have to figure out what you want to do. Now if you are a live in caregiver or have been living in a house that is not yours they you will have to find a place to live. You might want to talk to a Social Worker at your local Senior Service Center and see if there are options for you. In any case you need to make sure that your "ducks are in a row" and you have all the paperwork you need that spells out your wishes.
If you care to share a bit more info you might get some more detailed responses.
One solution (if your LO predeceases you) is to find a reputable, faith-based care facility and move into there before you think you need it. They see care as a mission, not a profit enterprise. My MIL is in such a place in LTC on Medicaid and she's getting wonderul care by wonderful staff.
You will have to figure out the PoA or guardianship piece. There is such a thing as a Pre-need Guardianship document that a lawyer can draft up for you (where you get to select in advance who you want to be your legal guardian). When my SFIL was assigned a court-appointed guardian, the person was part of Luther Social Services. Their website gives details, like how their people are vetted and trained:
"Commitment to Quality
- LSS Guardians/Conservators are professionals who are trained and certified through the Center for Guardianship Certification (CGC).
- LSS Guardianship services follow the National Guardianship Association (NGA) standards of practice and participate as members of the Minnesota Association of Guardianship and Conservators (MAGiC) and the Guardianship Association of North Dakota.
- Supported Decision-Making and Guardianship Options is accredited through the National Council on Accreditation (NCOA)."
I'm not recommending this specific organization (cuz they're probs not in your area) but look for such a service local to you so you are in control of your life and decisions as much as possible.
Is there a community senior center in your town? They have lots of activities that you could sign up for. You will meet others your own age.
I hope there is one available to this OP.
I am assuming you are not a member of a faithbased or other community. My own library has a lot of activities. There are even knitting groups there.
I think that there are people for whom at some point it is over. They are tired of it. Tired of worrying about the "next thing". For others they make new friends. Some join organizations such as "The Village" where they help others and are helped BY others.
I have even seen posts in Nextdoor of people saying they are alone, would like to walk out with others, go for coffee, visit. And there have been responses. Don't know where they went.
You are at least thinking about all of this. But I often feel/think that I really don't wish to be the one "left alone" and without support.
Dependent on finances, you could consider ALF where much of the burden of changing the battery in the smoke alarms, et al are removed from you, and where outings are arranged.
You have likely bogged yourself down SO far into the caregiving lifestyle that you can't see a life for yourself beyond it. There IS one.
Life is a gift to be enjoyed every day. If you don't feel that way, then you need medical intervention to help you look at things differently.
Please look into it.
What happens to you depends largely on you and how you adjust.
There is life after caregiving you just have to figure out what you want to do.
Now if you are a live in caregiver or have been living in a house that is not yours they you will have to find a place to live.
You might want to talk to a Social Worker at your local Senior Service Center and see if there are options for you.
In any case you need to make sure that your "ducks are in a row" and you have all the paperwork you need that spells out your wishes.
If you care to share a bit more info you might get some more detailed responses.