Both my parents are alive and in their 90’s. They live in a very small tiny home in a crappy rural town with no care services. I’m too old to care for all their needs but they expect me to do it all. They can’t afford any kind of assisted living or nursing care. Now my mother has a malignant tumor in her breast. I’m getting exhausted with all the driving and care. She is showing mental decline too. What do you do with parents who need to be in a facility but have no financial means?
By all means don't carry this by yourself. It's way too much for one person. Wishing you well as you find help.
Half the country is in this situation. It's quite common. Just a few things that came to mind...
*sell their house
*move both of them closer to you
*check out respite services for the person the parent that is better health
*have parents' primary care doctor do an assessment and write a script for homecare--VNA--nurses, occupational therapy, physical therapy, home blood draw, meals on wheels (some are better than other), mail-order prescription, have everything delivered.
*sounds like one may be eligible for a nursing home
*when you move your parents "register" them both in a Church and have the Parishioners come each week to bring them Communion, a bulletin and a prayer.
My mother loves this--9 people rotate and each week they come for 15 minutes on a Sunday and visit. Rain or shine, sleet or snow, they are even coming on Christmas Day! Mom gave them a poinsettia yesterday. There are a lot of wonderful people out there. It gives them ties to the neighborhood too.
You have to go where the services are. Lord forbid if something happens to one and you are not there and mother is unable to dial out. Will they wander. The fact that you are on this site you're wondering this yourself. "What if...one leaves the stove or or goes out without a winter coat in this "rural" town.
Don't get discouraged. Not everyone (myself included) is able follow the advice of Suze Orman. If my parents would have listened to her, I would not have been born since my parents had 5 pregnancies in 10 years. Point being, don't feel that because there is not a lot cash stashed away, you are out of luck, you are NOT.
Really know what is available through your parents medical insurance--durable medical equipment, OTC benefits (over the counter drugstore things) now dental is being offered on some plans for 2023.
As far as the house--would it feasible to rent it out for top dollar to someone who won't trash it or should you sell. Speak to an elder lawyer and the Nurse Manager at the primary care doc usually has a lot of resources--agencies.
Join the portal--this is the best thing. You can email the docs rather than waiting by the phone. The portal is great, you have up-to-date info and know the results as soon as possible for bloodwork.
Keep the blood draws to a minimum and make sure they don't torture your parents with multiple blood draws, Tues., Wed. and Thurs. Keep a list of any meds for each parent on the refrigerator and one in your wallet. Also include on list emergency contact. This needs to be done until you get them placed.
You didn't mention which State your were in?
Also in every neighborhood you get these wonderful people who sometimes have a nutty grandson. Word gets out if elderly people are alone. It's not like years when the neighbors knocked on the door and handed a plate of food in.
They need protection too. You are on the right track on this site. But a plan needs to be in place that works for your particular situation.
You are in my prayers...
That is the only option I can see.
Good Luck!
Prayers.
preach out to churches, aging council, elders programs. There is help out there, you will have to dig deep to find it.
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