Where does your mom think she's going to live if she doesn't go with you? Is she aware that it will be either an assisted living or memory care facility with no family near by to visit? And is her dementia too far progressed that she really can't comprehend any of it? Just know that wherever she moves to it will be very difficult for her at first as change for someone with dementia is much harder than for those without it. You as her POA need to now just make any decisions for her and do what is best for her and all involved. And if that is moving with you then you just tell her she's moving and that's that. You wouldn't leave a minor child behind in a city because they didn't want to move and leave their friends, and it's basically the same when you're dealing with someone with a broken brain. You're the parent now and have to do again what is best for all. I wish you the very best going forward.
Please make appointment with an Elder Law Attorney, ask Adult Protective Services to evaluate her for placement and look into hiring a Public Guardian. You could hire a Visiting Angel to visit regularly and report to you. Daily FaceTime might make your move possible. You and she should make your own choices unless one of you is incompetent.
mom we are having a lunch date and a tour of an assisted living place. They will meet with us, give us lunch so we can experience the dining area. We are going to have c fun day. They will show us daily activities , games, and what services they offer, as you will still need to be taken to doctor etc. next week we can visit another place for you.
Mom, you have 2 choices. You come with us to our new home or you move into Assisted Living or a nursing home. Can she comprehend that choice, as I don't know how advanced her dementia is? I could never give my mother a choice.....she was impossible with them. I gave her directions. This is what is HAPPENING mom.
So you made your plans to retire elsewhere. And you did that when? What did you think would happen to mom when you left?
There's always Plan B, a beautiful assisted living or memory care place. Lots of people who don't have family nearby live in such places and they do just fine. Sometimes they have no family at all, and this is where they choose to live. Quite frankly, most places are much more lively than living in the back bedroom in the grown kids' house. People make friends there.
Perhaps mom doesn't need you as much as you need her? Think about it from that angle, and good luck.
Don't tell her your moving just act like your going on a trip and when you get to your new home act as this is the home you never left. My friend had to move his MIL to a memory care facility and he hired movers to move the furniture while he and his wife took the MIL on day trip. The movers were instructed to set up the new apt as best they could to look like her home she was leaving. When my friend and his wife arrived at the memory care (new apt) they acted as if they were "home" using sentences as wow isn't it great to be home isn't, I am so tired it's great to sit in my nice soft chair etc.
Well, if she is incompetent in her own care you CAN'T leave her. If you have taken on your duties as her POA you are now legally responsible to keep her in safe care. I am assuming, with the level of your fears here that your Mom is already in such a state of dementia that she is no longer safe at home alone. So she will have to go with you at this point OR be placed in in facility care where she is at. Seems the only two choices.
You will need to make clear to your mom her choices.
And again, I am assuming your mom is no longer competent in her own decisions and her own care, and that you are already in charge as POA. If that isn't the case, then where Mom lives remains her own choice.
And is her dementia too far progressed that she really can't comprehend any of it?
Just know that wherever she moves to it will be very difficult for her at first as change for someone with dementia is much harder than for those without it.
You as her POA need to now just make any decisions for her and do what is best for her and all involved. And if that is moving with you then you just tell her she's moving and that's that.
You wouldn't leave a minor child behind in a city because they didn't want to move and leave their friends, and it's basically the same when you're dealing with someone with a broken brain. You're the parent now and have to do again what is best for all.
I wish you the very best going forward.
Don't you have anyone else that can check on her, just because you are the POA doesn't mean that you have to do everything, that is a misnomer.
No reason to give up your life for her, she wants to stay where she is fine, so be it.
mom we are having a lunch date and a tour of an assisted living place. They will meet with us, give us lunch so we can experience the dining area. We are going to have c fun day. They will show us daily activities , games, and what services they offer, as you will still need to be taken to doctor etc.
next week we can visit another place for you.
maybe she
is scared of change…
Best of luck.
There's always Plan B, a beautiful assisted living or memory care place. Lots of people who don't have family nearby live in such places and they do just fine. Sometimes they have no family at all, and this is where they choose to live. Quite frankly, most places are much more lively than living in the back bedroom in the grown kids' house. People make friends there.
Perhaps mom doesn't need you as much as you need her? Think about it from that angle, and good luck.
My friend had to move his MIL to a memory care facility and he hired movers to move the furniture while he and his wife took the MIL on day trip. The movers were instructed to set up the new apt as best they could to look like her home she was leaving. When my friend and his wife arrived at the memory care (new apt) they acted as if they were "home" using sentences as wow isn't it great to be home isn't, I am so tired it's great to sit in my nice soft chair etc.
You will need to make clear to your mom her choices.
And again, I am assuming your mom is no longer competent in her own decisions and her own care, and that you are already in charge as POA. If that isn't the case, then where Mom lives remains her own choice.