Value of inherited items. Any advice?

I believe it was on this site that the book "The Boomer Burden" (can't remember the author's name) was recommended as a good read to help deal with settling estates. I read that book, found it very interesting, entertaining, and enlightening. I have put into practice some of the recommendations in that book and need to go further but, alas, time seems to get in the way. As my sister's executrix, I have already told her kids that I intend to follow the suggestions in that book.

It's not easy to try to get family on board, and then friends and neighbors want to jump in as well sometimes.

We each put value on STUFF....if you wish to have a financial price you are looking for, you'll need to have another involved with the process...

Your mom is being penny wise and pound foolish - and she has gotten you on the bus ride with her. This may save her money but will cost more in emotion and family relationships - than either of you will ever know UNTIL it happens.
You and her could interview 3 CERTIFIED appraisers that can show her their credentials and give you an estimate or price on appraising all items that need appraisal. She could also get referrals from these people. A lot of County Court houses have lists of Certified Appraisers - that they have checked out in regards to credentials - but it just takes calling that agency and finding out if the person still has their certification or not. When interviewing these people whether on the phone or in person - you will get a sense if they are people your mom wants to work with, or if they are out to nickel and dime you for any information they give. Since it appears your mom has REAL items of value - she is putting you in the MIDDLE of something that is not fair to YOU. The cost of the appraisal could be equal to one of her treasured items that no one really wants. Don't act like your mom's little girl - tell her as a Grown Up woman - that she is handling this in a way - that will only bring a sad and unfortunate outcome. I'm speaking from experience - I wish I had been more forthright with my mom. Since her passing death, I can attest that greed can due weird things to people. If your mom doesn't realize this - she is not being helpful or realistic. Amen.

Wish my dad was still here as he would have gone through all the family heirlooms long ago and distributed them. Mom (91, and an only child) thinks it's best to just let us all figure it out after she's gone. I'm hoping to get her to make some decisions soon as I don't relish having to deal with my siblings on this topic once she is gone. Siblings are minimally involved with mom's care. I am live-in and do the bulk of everything (for which I receive no compensation). I adore mom, but her inertia on this issue, and a number of others, makes things more difficult than they need to be.

This may help you decide: Sell, Keep, or Toss? by Harry L. Rinker.

Listen you guys, I would love to have a silver (solid or sterling) tea set. I've wanted them since I first saw them on display in a museum when I was a very little girl. I can't believe that you would give something like that to a rummage sale!

Anyway, I think you might want to let her choose who she's gifting what and if they don't want the item it's their problem to sell it. No one shoukd feel hurt or marginalized (unless they were schmucks to the parents and caregivers).

Personally, I love real silver flatware, fine china, and so forth and I would use it and let myself feel ever so elegant.

Also, mom gave my brother everything of dad's of any value that she did not want. Guns, tools, lawn equipment, dad's truck, burial plots (she really can't give those away) any and everything. I got his old Timex watch and an old shotgun they didn't want.

I am hurt that there was so little consideration of my feelings and I now feel my brother will get the lion's share of the money in the end.

So, at least no matter what the value of stuff, give everyone something that makes them feel valued and not hurt.

I am giving my daughters pieces of my jewelry now. I am 62 and hope to be here a while longer. I have offered them different pieces and they either say "Yes!!! Thank you" or it goes to someone else. One daughter has taken more than the other two so,I will not offer so much to her in the future. I know for sure that my girls are getting my jewelry and not someone else.

My mother is 84, she has never given me a single piece of jewelry. I asked for a pin that dad gave her when they first married. A costume thing, not real gold even. No. She didn't even know where is was until I mentioned it. My brother told her to write down who gets her rings, etc. and she said "I don't care".

Is there any reason I am not close to this woman?

I appreciate all the musings about "value".....I want to be prepared in some rational fashion, as always, but it appears there will be a variety of interpretation from various siblings. My best bet, as hubby says, is to videotape my parents in their home with all their stuff, talking about it. Hopefully that will have an impact on recipients.
And, if skirmishes break out over anything, I can refer them back to the video, where grandpa specifically says he wants his Remington to go to Tommy, not Johnny, because Johnny already got the flyrod ten years ago.
But as far as trying to make up for vast differences in dollar value, I am still stumped, when it comes to the sapphires. Rifles & flyrods, those are all like in the hundreds of dollars. Jewelry with platinum, gold & precious jewels is another matter.
Or am I just falling prey to the very faults I am trying to avoid?

igloo, I always have to laugh when I hear the Antiques Roadshow evaluations of some things. I just think, yeah, try to get that in the marketplace! Unless something is extremely rare we often have to settle for 25-50% of its supposed value. Prices are higher in Europe, but for the US it's a hard market.

I get approached with family "treasures" at time. Most of the time it is junk. Many people don't realize how common some things are. You have a hard time giving it away, much less selling it. I don't want to hurt feelings, so I tell them to put it on eBay because they would get a better price than what I could offer.

BTW, Replacements.com is a great place to ID things, but their prices are above current market a good bit. They are the prices we wish we could get. eBay and LiveAuctioneers are available to everyone and have more realistic prices.

JessieBelle is spot on that doing appraisals are their own professional skill with professional fees to do so. Speciality Insurers like Chubb are going to require a pro appraisal to do a art or jewelry or collectible rider.

Really most often family is totally unrealistic in what their "treasures" are worth as they see "Antiques Roadshow" or the storage unit / flea market shows and think that's us. LOL!

Samara - if your things were manufactured in 1950's then they arent really silver antiques (this would be more 1850s & turn of century items) and there's a lot of 1940s, 1950s etc sterling out there. For flatware & holloware by a better manufacturer like Reed&Barton, Geo Jensen, Wallace you can do the research on line to see what pieces are retailing for. Replacements.com, Silver Queen & Ruby Lane are great sites for this. But realize that if you want to sell your pieces you may get maybe 10% - 40% of the "sale" price if in most excellent condition. There's a lot of stuff out there -like that tired Francis 1 - & younger buyers have minimal interest in this. So melt down price can often as good as its going to get. Often the shelter magazines have ads for companies that do flatware & hollowware melt downs. Good luck.

lol..I always say my husband's grandmother left me all her silver because she knew I was the only one who would polish it. My housekeeper laughs at me; but it is what I do the week before Thanksgiving every year. I am the keeper of our family history and this beautiful old silver is part of our past.

My kids have more than they need. Hopefully, they just give away or sell what we have and get on with their lives.

I took very few things from my parents' home. It was more fun to watch my sisters bicker, pick and choose and haul out the boxes!

One thing I was glad that my Mom did was to give me some of her jewelry... she did that once my career started to be successful and that was over 30 years ago, I still wear that jewelry with my suits, and Mom smiles when sees the pins and necklaces.

One of my grandmothers gave to each grand-daughter, when they got married, a silver coffee/tea set with tray... when I got the set 40 years ago I was thrilled, but over the years of cleaning that silver over and over, that thrill started to disappear. In fact, I never used that set even once, but it did look nice in the china cabinet. Last year I donated it to a scholarship rummage sale :)

Oh chicago.. you are right about pennies on the dollar! My parents had an antique shop and a big house full of antiques. I still am appalled at how little they got after the auction and the deductions for the moving cleaning.. but it was worth it to get it done and over with so I could sell the house for them. Mom gave all the nieces and nephews something small, that they asked for (like one of her moms baking dishes) or something like that. One nephew's wife wanted at big jelly cupboard,, we sold that to her for a good price and she was happy as a clam. my daughter wanted some china, but we are storing it here as she has a condo at the moment, but thinks she may want it in the future, and I saved her the real silver flatwear. I will get the jewelry, for my daughter later. I am an only child, so this was easier for me. We did move some of thier fav furniture into our house, so they feel more at home, and it was nicer than ours! I agree with asking people what they want, within reason. We did give my Dads truck to a nephew who alway did things for the folks and has a real need finacially, so maybe look into who "deserves" more?

In my family, the grandkids have no say. It is just my sister and me. Mother is 95. She collected and sold antiques. I will end up taking pennies on the dollar to clean out the house.

My MIL gave away her stuff, herself. We really didn't want anything as our house, is full with our own stuff. So, I would just follow your mom's wishes and forget the nay sayers.

LOL, yes, I understand your dilemma. When I said it was easier with just one girl, I was referring to my family. My mother has one girl and one boy (I'm the girl, I get her jewelry, but she doesn't have a lot of valuable stuff). I have one girl and 2 boys. My daughter will get my jewelry, but I can only wear yellow gold, she prefers white gold. I told her she can either sell it or give it to her daughter. I have quite a few valuable pieces. I don't care what she does with it, it will be up to her. My sons will get any vehicles we have. They're more interested in that. Seems fair. The rest of the estate will be sold and divided evenly.

LOL, it's actually 3 girls (and their daughters) who've expressed interest in both jewel and silver for both sentimental and dollar value.....2 boys and some other male relatives want the silver purely for dollar value.
I do know the diff between solid silver, and plated junk!
Since I am on the receiving end of some of this, I can feel their wolfish stares already (and the 2 other girls have been borlderline nasty in comments about how I have to do this fair & square).
Sentimemtally, I am more interested in some crockery and tablecloths. Earrings--can fall out!
Wish my folks had sold or would sell the jewels & pure silver, they could use the cash. What a shame to give it away, when they might have $25, 000 of items (at half value, sell at auction).
The grand piano, nobody plays, or has the space or wants to pay for shipping across the mountains. That is easy to sell.

It's funny, the item in the house that I treasure more than anything else is a set of salt shakers that Mom & Dad bought in Chinatown when I was 5. We've used them everyday since then. They're part of my childhood. The furniture has changed, jewelry has changed, but that is a constant. I told my brother I don't care about anything else, but I want the salt shakers. Perhaps each member of your family has something that attach great importance to (other than the earrings). Something with emotional significance to them, that they would not want to see sold. THAT should be theirs, especially.

Well, I think it's great you're doing this with mom, as it gives her something concrete to do that she's interested in. Great!

If it were me, I'd probably start with the "it doesn't matter" items; finding a sentimental or logical reason to assign them to beneficiaries. Leave the items of worth until last.

I say that because she'll get used to thinking things through from a practical standpoint. Leaving a grandchild struggling through school a $5,000 pair of ear rings makes absolutely no sense. Leaving them to an oldest daughter who's doing fairly well financially makes better sense. So she can leave them to HER daughter. (That kind of reasoning.)

Unless something has a collectible or antique value (this doesn't apply to jewelry), I'd take a "rule of thumb" value of 25% of retail. I'll also tell you that much of the "silver" sold in the 1950's and given as wedding gifts was silver plate. It's very difficult for a layperson to tell the difference.

When my boss's wife had recently passed, he gave his wife's 3 grown daughters the expensive rings that his wife had indicated prior which daughters were to get which ring.... well after the fact, the daughters were calling each other and switching the rings with each other :)

If everyone values the expensive earrings over the pearl earrings, it's because they're expensive, not because they were worn by a beloved person. Sell the expensive stuff and split the money. It's easier when you have only one daughter - she gets the jewelry. My parents also have art, so that will have to be valued. We recently had someone come in and look at the stuff in here, and got an estimate of $3700 to give us an appraisal. We about had a heart attack! We're going to wait on that for the time being. We have a lot of expenses coming up with the move (another heart attack with that estimate).

The real value of the earring sets is the sentimental value, they were worn by a beloved person. I bet the pearl earrings will be just as cherished. When my Gma passed, it wasn't her silver or her MILs fine china dishes that I'd have loved to have had. It was the glass cookie jar that she filled with her chocolate chip cookies for us kids.

I do know certain items are "of interest" and have been greatly admired by several kids & grandkids, for example some sapphire & diamond earrings set in platinum & white gold. I wouldn't dare to think of separating the pair! But, if those are worth $5, 000, its not fair for someone to receive them while someone else gets pearl studs (worth maybe $50). And she has 3 daughters but one solid silver coffee set, and one silver plate set.....these are obviously at opposite ends of the spectrum.
As I've mentioned elsewhere on agingcare, maybe the best would be to videotape Mom going over her items, recalling their history, and recording how she herself is having a lot of indecision and worry about who should receive it. That video could be shared with every one and in itself would be so precious!

I wouldn't want to wish appraisals on anyone that does not have the right resources to do them. Unless you think something is rare and very valuable, it would probably be less time consuming to go with intuition and sibling attachments to items. Maybe one person liked a certain doll and the other liked a certain lamp.

I often have people writing me to get values on things. My answer is pretty much what freqflyer said. And having done appraisals over the years, I know it can take many hours for some things... and many things are nearly impossible to evaluate. I love it when people write to ask me for free appraisals NOT. It is a lot of work if I don't have a number on the top of my head.

Forgive the digressing. I would go by instinct and sibling preferences and not worry so much about absolute numbers. If you know something is likely to be valuable, google it and see. If not, the best thing to remember is that 99% if what people own is not collectible.

My mom collected china tea cup set, some with a little plate for a goody. She called her nieces and had them come over and pick out one or two sets they liked. She had wonderful visits with them and they had a treasure from her. But her crystal and china had to be donated because looking to our kids, we knew they really weren't going to want this sort of thing. It was difficult for my mom that her items were so devalued by the estate person later on, and that we weren't able to keep these items ourselves.

When you give items to family, be sure not to split sets - my aunt was so taken with equality that all the grandkids have about 6 pieces of Gma's sterling flatware :-).

A *value* of an inherited item is only worth what a buyer is willing to pay. Google each item to see if someone else is selling the same item or something similar to give you an idea of current market value.... but, unfortunately, doing that is very time consuming and you could run the gamut of wide price ranges.

Are these wonderful household items items that relatives/friends had requested in the past that they would like in the future? Or is your Mom going to distribute the items as she sees fit? My Mom has some really grand items but none of which I would really want, but I can't say no to her each time I receive an item. I slowly donate to top of the line annual rummage sales or charity run thrift stores.

The younger generation doesn't do fancy candle light dinners, using ones best china and crystal glasses. Reminds me of the BBC comedy "Keeping up Appearances" :)