This is a very difficult question to ask and I hope you all won’t be too hard on me. What do you think about this?

First of all, no one on this site will judge you. However, after living in a physically and emotionally abusive marriage for 21 years, I finally got my 2 children graduated from school, then I put my big girl panties on and moved out 2 days after he hit me across the face bc he was mad….not at me, but I stood up for myself. I put our .38 in his face and told him if he ever touched me in any way ever again, I would blow his brains out. And he knew I meant it. Back then there was no 911 to call and if you asked for help, ppl would say well you must have deserved it!!!! That’s complete BS!!!! First thing I did when I moved in with my sister, is found a good therapist who helped me tremendously. I thinks that’s what you should do bc after living that many yrs with an abuser, you need to get your head on straight and figure out what’s best for you. I wish you the best and for true happiness, whether u remain single ( I chose that) or find someone else to share your life with. Liz

This might sound cruel to some....... but I would have divorced him a long time ago, God doesn't expect you to stay in an abusive situation.
It is not your fault he has Alzheimer's. Don't let guilt make you stay.=
Let his family take care of him, you have been through enough mental abuse and possibly physical abuse and I am sure they know that and they should have been there supporting you, sounds like they were not there for you... they can't expect you to stay after everything you have been through and then to shoulder his Alzheimer's on top of it.
See your gentleman friend to start with just as a friend until you can get your own life back in prospective.
If he is a true gentleman and great guy he will support you through the time you need to figure everything out. In turn that gives you time to see who he is and what he is about as well.
You deserve to be happy and in a healthy relationship.
Sometimes we are the hardest on ourselves bringing guilt and shame into situations.
Validate yourself that you are worthy to be happy.
Then take the steps you need to take to get to the place that you want to be, in a healthy self-love care for yourself.
Just take your time and don't rush a new relationship, develop deep friendships that will last.
Think about seeing a therapist for the sole reason of learning what is healthy in a relationship and steering away from patterns and narcissist type of men and abusive behaviors, it is a healing journey for you.
After going through some relationship therapy and grounding yourself in a healthier mind and spirit you will begin to see things fall into place and God is always there to guide you every step of the way, he is only one prayer away.
My saying is, "Don't let anyone steal your joy".
Be Happy and and start your healing journey......

Pamela wrote: "I'm so confused!"

I really think you should see a good therapist that is well experienced in the area of abusive relationships.

You need help to:
--sort out why you went back to this A-hole of a husband, and
--how to get away from him, and
--not repeat the pattern
--recognize nice men from controlling men
--how to value yourself so that you can find, date and establish relationship with nice men.

In short, you are not ready for a nice man. You can go on a date with this guy if you want, but it's too early to say he's a nice man.

"God’s covenantal design for marriage is broken by abuse, and Scripture does not mandate that an abused wife must remain married to an abuser; therefore, the body of Christ is called to model God’s compassion toward abused women through effective strategies designed to meet the needs of women who are trying to escape abusive relationships.  God designed marriage to be a covenantal relationship through which spouses could experience companionship, physical relationship, respect, love, and caring. On the contrary, abuse and neglect are condemned by Scripture and can break the marriage covenant. When this happens, divorce is permitted due to the hard-heartedness of the abuser and as a legal protection for the abused. "

Source: https://mendingthesoul.org/resources/general/a-biblical-response-to-the-abused-wife/

Yes, go and date this nice man. It may help you to get some counseling before entering into another relationship. Many abusers start out "nice" and the victims have a high tolerance for bad treatment by others.

If you are attending a church where the pastor or others are admonishing/pressuring/guilting you to stay with your abuser, you should also divorce this church. I wish you peace and joy as you move forward to a better life.

Why did you get back together with a man who has been abusing you for 42 years? You say this is 'a difficult question & hope we won't be too hard on you'. Is that because you know you're staying in an abusive relationship when God doesn't want you to DO that? When He wants you to RESPECT the body and the life He gave you? By staying and allowing this abuse to continue, THIS is how you are 'going against God' in reality, not by divorcing this abusive husband and moving on with the life you were given & expected to cherish.

You have your priorities entirely backwards. But that's what tends to happen with abusive men; they convince you that you're the bad guy and they're the good guy. That you deserve no happiness. Therein lies the trouble and the bald faced LIES.

Get rid of your husband by getting him placed into managed care, then file for divorce or at least legal separation, then embrace all the happiness life has to offer you, wherever you happen to find it, with whomever you happen to find it with. You deserve to.

You need more help than what can be offered here.....but the fact you reached out shows you are in conflict with both your emotions and religious beliefs. Do you deserve to be happy? Absolutely. Do you feel a loving God would expect you to remain miserable for the rest of your life? Not a chance. Anyone who abuses someone (especially to the extent you've endured) does not deserve the loyalty of marriage vows. You've more than paid your dues. Time now to move on....divorce him, make arrangements for intense therapy to boost your morale and set you on firm ground to realize that the very best that life holds for you lies ahead.

You should divorce this abuser.

It doesn't matter why you took him back but, you did and now you should severe the ties that make you question your activities. Because only you know your heart and what you believe about God. Don't listen to strangers on an anonymous forum to gain justification to go against your personal convictions.

Infidelity and abuse are valid reasons to divorce. Even if he now has Alzheimer's.

If you start today, you will be a free woman in about 90 days.

Personally, I wouldn't worry about God. You've been through Hell already.

looking for approval among anonymous strangers online is a bit odd. Too many people online have the morality of alley cats and do what thou wilt is their driving obsession.
You need to discus things in person with someone...A person you respect and have confidence in.

That your abusive husband had a girlfriend is all that I need to know. If you're concerned about going against God, I totally understand. I've was once in your shoes. So I can tell you that Biblically, once he went after another woman, he broke his vows to you, and you are free to go. You are under no obligation to stay with him and continue to be his whipping post.