The dreaded ER Dump - Has anyone successfully done this with a stroke patient?

Thank you all for the feedback. She is in process of getting into skilled nursing.

The ER social worker knew exactly what we needed and how to get things going and no one has made me feel bad about it. The social worker asked if she was ever able to return to my home and I said no and it's not safe for her there and that was it.

She's in good spirits and was happy to see us when we visited yesterday.

This was completely different from the experience I had when she was going through her initial recovery stages. The hospital social worker at that hospital was high pressure sales nonstop.

Again, thank you for all the advice and pep talk. It helped immensely.

I wouldn’t look at this as an ER dump. I’d say her doctor has advised she be brought to the hospital so her ongoing issues can be addressed. No one who knows the situation is denying this is too much for a home care setting. My mother was a stroke patient, survived a devastating stroke that it would have been much kinder had she not. There’s simply no way her huge needs could have been met in a home. Take her to the ER on advice of doctor and then refuse to take her home, it’s truly ridiculous our system functions this way, but know it’s the right choice for all concerned. I wish you peace

I am so sorry you made the choice to take her into your home when you knew that caring for her was not possible, because you are now in dire circumstances.

I think that other than the idea your husband has I can't see another course of action. I will tell him, however, that he had better HIDE, because they will expect him to take on the care you cannot. Of BOTH OF YOU. You are going to have to be able to say that there is no one else to help her.

Your post to us is terrible, and can only stand as a warning to others. You WILL receive calls from Social Workers who want to move your elders off their plates and onto your own. Taking this on you will be told they will help you, that they "will make this work" and the truth is that they cannot and they will not.

I honestly cannot know what will work for you at this point and I will be following this thread to hope that someone else has an idea for you. I am so very sorry you are going through this. I wish you luck and hope you'll update us.

You're right, Navigating this stuff IS ridiculous. It's truly a shame we don't have a better way of transitioning our neediest people to proper care in the wealthiest country in the world. The hospital nurses don't like it either, but often there is no other option. And it is awful that the hospitals and SNF's often do whatever they can to get rid of patients by forcing them to go home when it may be detrimental to the wellbeing of all involved.

I was successful with the "ER dump" but I think only because they knew I could not be there at home because I needed to work, so my father would have been in danger if they sent him home. If I were retired, they would have been more likely to push him to go home.

It really stinks the position you are in, and I know how tough it is to tell the staff at the hospital that you are unable to take care of her, but that is what you must do, and you must be firm and convincing. This time, absolutely refuse any attempts by them to send her back home. I wish you well.

Wow! You’re in a really difficult position.

You must take care of your own health first. I’m sure that you care about your mom’s wellbeing but your health is at risk. Your husband is concerned about you and doesn’t want your health to deteriorate.

So, what exactly are your thoughts on this situation? Are you willing to take your chances with an ER dump?

How can they force you to take your mom back?

I had a friend who had a serious stroke many years ago. He was single, never married, no children, only one nephew that lived several states away.

He totaled his car, was taken to the hospital. He gave the hospital names and phone numbers of his friends. While we were all concerned about him, none of us in his circle of friends were willing to take him into our homes to care for him.

He also had terminal cancer. The doctor at the hospital told us that his condition was beyond curable and that they would not be providing any further treatment for his cancer. Sadly, there wasn’t any more that they could do for him.

When the nephew didn’t step forward, nor any of us, they found a skilled nursing facility for him to go to and he died there.

If you refuse to take your mother back home, I don’t see how they could force you to.

Having said this though, I have heard nurses say that they frequently placed some patients in a cab and sent them back home.

So, you are going to have to be very cautious and extremely rigid in saying that you absolutely will not be able to care for her due to your own medical issues. Have your doctor write up a statement as proof if that will make you feel more comfortable with this situation.

Wishing you and your family all the best. Please keep us posted on your progress. We care.

I so wish you had found us before. This love one could have gone from Rehab straight to LTC. The Medicaid process could have started at that point. The Social Workers will always try to get family or someone to step up. You had some good reasons why you could not care for this person. No one wants to go to a NH but when no one can care for you its what it is.

If she lands in the hospital, this is when u say NO I can no longer care for her. Do not walk out that door with her because you have said you will take the responsibility of her. They will find her a place. But don't be surprised when the State takes over her care which means your POA will be null and void.

I felt like a lowlife in January when I told the ER doctor that my father could not be discharged to his home. But we had to do this because he needed better care than we could provide at home. He needed to be in a SNF. I try to rationalize it by telling myself it was done out of love for him. But it does get me down sometimes that I was a person capable of doing this. You learn a lot about yourself walking the caregiving walk.

How are you doing the 24-hour care while on bedrest? ARE you on the recommended bedrest?

Your story is validation of just how persistent the discharge planners can be in getting family members to take patients home. You explained to them why you couldn't do it, yet they bullied you into it, regardless. Right?

What relationship to you is this loved one, and why did it become you that got involved? (I see that it is not either of your parents.)

Your H was against bringing her into your home. Has he given any assistance?

People here have done the ER dump. But you'd better gird yourself for a lot of stress while you get bullied yet again (probably) to bring her home.