I come from a large family; six brothers and one living sister. For the past 2-3 years, we've been getting together for the holidays at a church in my parent's hometown. We try to take all of the stress away from my parents by telling them no gifts, we will take care of all the food, etc. but I feel my parents are still getting pretty stressed out.
I live 2 1/2 hours away and am a teacher, so I am able to spend a couple of days at my parents' house around the holidays. I do have 2 cats, so I can't be gone longer than that.
What I'm seeing is that I don't think my parents are really enjoying themselves. My dad is hard of hearing and having so many people around (about 35 when all of the grandchildren are included) is hard on him. My mom gets so confused because she cannot remember anything, even if it is written down and put on the fridge. She is still trying to buy gifts and cook but she can't remember what she bought, can't remember she made a list (actually she had 3 lists going at Thanksgiving, but couldn't remember she had one in her hand :) and can't remember how to make even familiar recipes that are written down. Telling her no gifts and we'll take care of all the food has no effect on her, because she can't remember that we told her that!
Anyway, my question is....should I step up and tell my brothers and sister that we cannot have an extended family celebration anymore? My mom hides her frustration pretty well when everyone is together, but I see it during the days I am there.
Then, one year I suggested that we all go to a 5 star restaurant. Wow..you would have thought I suggested converting to satanism! So, I was more forceful....I was not cooking that year, so everyone bring part of the holiday meals, bakery goods with you. Funny...one by one they all found another obligation with the spouses' family. Cool. That is where it ended.
Now, these days I do not know what will happen. It looks like there is just Mom and me. My parents were the very last of their generation. And have out lived most of the next generation besides. My own son is too swamped with his own family and disabled children...between dealing with that and working 2 jobs, they will not be coming to visit.
I am thinking to do a small dinner and head to bed early. Avoid the TV, and just try to skip it altogether. Maybe some has a good idea? I just cannot see a ton of food to go bad, or gifts that neither one of us wants or needs. With Moms' disability, going anywhere is always an ordeal....going out for more than a drive is just not something that is done for fun.