How do I tell my boss (my uncle) he needs to retire? His memory is getting bad.

That was funny ystefans, "DOS heads".... I'll need to remember that every time my Dad starts to complain that he can't get onto the Internet. My Dad also wrote computer code and had his own programs. He really misses doing that. He still has his old DOS mode computer hooked up in the basement. Mom wants him to throw it out but he won't... guess it's like an old friend to him.

Speaking of computers, one of Dad's old friends when he was at college was John Atanasoff, one of the inventors of the binary math computer. Dad had his engineering lab next door to Atanasoff's physict's lab... to hear Dad talk it sounded like the group from the TV show "Big Bang Theory" :)

I have an old Y2K card I didn't need to use if your dad needs one for it! Yeah, he's a nerd and a geek after my own heart.

OMG it is SO cool to find someone else who actually understands the allure of the old command line...and the way they could even do some cool graphical things with DOS too. Where else can a working mom enter a simple verbal command and have it followed to the letter, EVERY TIME??

Hey... Actually your dad might get a kick out of installing Linux on something and writing a little HTML by hand. It's not real programming but it could satisfy the urge. :-). My dad wrote a little in Fortran, I guess it's in my blood.

I have an update since May on the this situation. The bank FINALLY turned him down on a more money. Then he decided he was going to raid the retirement accounts. I know it was expensive to do but I bargained some retirement $ because he needed our signatures on the loan, for an appt. for him with a neurologist. I had already talked to his primary care physician and we were going to try to convince him to go on without force, but this came up and I told him I was not going to sign away money from these accounts without getting something from him. Now I have to make sure he goes. If the neurologist declares him competent I have to find a new job and relinquish my power of attorney in order to protect myself. I have been keeping a log as some of you suggested and need some advice. Do I write a letter to the Neurologist documenting my concerns and go to the appt with him or do I let the Neurologist decide on his own. My Uncle is almost cocky about this, thinking he will pass with flying colors and I will just be quiet after he is declared competent.

Haven't read the entire long thread, just skimming through and finding some fellow DOS heads here.

So my answer is based only on cursory review of the previous posts and your most recent post.

Raid the retirement accounts? Is he serious? Are you referring to pension funds set aside specifically for that purpose? If you haven't consulted the company attorney, I would do so as I think you're on shaky ground here. How are the funds to be paid back given the declining state of the business?

I would write a letter to the neurologist, asking him to keep the shared information confidential but suggesting areas for him to pursue to explore the issues at hand. Exams can be cursory and not focus on areas that do reveal dementia and/or deficits in cognitive thinking, so you want to ensure that an accurate diagnosis is possible.

Go with him to the appointment if you can, and if in your opinion it will help in getting an accurate diagnosis. If your uncle is hostile to that idea, it may result in friction at the appointment which hampers the neurologist's ability to see the true picture. So you may end up having to let your uncle go alone, but then you won't have the benefit of the diagnosis. Tough situation to call.

I did read something to the effect that your uncle likes to call and price/appraise. Perhaps he could consider transitioning to being an independent consultant, doing pricing for other businesses in his field rather than having the responsibility of his own business. Or perhaps it's too late for this or it's unrealistic if he still needs to maintain the illusion that he can run the business himself.

No one but him put the money in the 2 retirement accounts that were for his 2 nephews, so technically it is his money but in the will it was specified for them to get this money. They signed off on it because at this point I think they have stockholm syndrome and won't fight with him. I am the only one who will. If the Neurologist declares him competent then he is truly a selfish jerk and I will let not be his POA anymore. If he is doing this because he has dementia and he is not reasonable and desperate, I will take over making his financial decisions going forward even if it means taking him to court to gain guardianship against his will.

I concur with gardenartist. Write a letter with your concerns and either give it in person to the neurologist, or email it if you can. I've accompanied my mother twice to her neuro appointments. The first time, I sat with her during the appointment, and listened to her lie over and over -- and I didn't have the guts to call her out out at that time. The second time, I waited in the waiting room, after delivering my letter to her doctor. The letter outlined all my concerns, and let him know that she wasn't honest during the previous appt.

Here is the exciting update. According to the Neurologist he is normal for an 83 year old. The Neurologist suggested he let others make executive decisions and he get tested for his driving. His response was "I'm not doing that. This is horse s*#t!".
So that is where I am. Watching him continue to self destruct and unable to do anything about it.

Is there a way for the doctor to get the state to require the driving test?

No. He is free to do whatever he wants until he has to renew next April. If he passes next April he will have to renew every 2 years in this state.

Bummer.

What the neurologist meant but didn't have the balls to say is that Uncle has mild cognitive impairment...I.e., shouldn't be making executive and monetary decisions any longer. You should resign your PA and get another job, as you suggested in a previous post.