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I’ve been working in healthcare for over 30 years. I’ve seen the decline in the quality of care. It’s a real bad time to be a patient these days. Please find a different doctor. Do some research, talk to as many people as possible. There are many good doctors and I’ve seen many bad ones too. It will be a lot of work to find a new one but it’ll be so worth it.

Please do not worry about causing any problems with the current provider and his office. Your father deserves better treatment, most esp at this stage in life. You do not owe them anything. You don’t owe them any explanation. Gather up copies of his medical record with this practice. Ask the medical record dept for copies and just say, you want it for your records. So when you find a new doctor, there’ll be no need to deal with them.

I hope that you and your dad will finally find a doctor that believes in his calling.
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Complain to the clinic's administration -- due to satisfaction surveys facilities are penalized with poor scores. such complaints will usually resolve your issue. If this is not possible, or does not solve your issue, you can get another oncology doctor. now if he has some kind of HMO insurance, this transfer of services must be approved by his primary doctor *and* has to be on his insurance as a carrier.

As a note--if he really knows his stuff and a very good doctor, I'd keep him. I would much rather have a nasty doctor who knows his stuff than a very nice one who will give you less-than-optimum treatment. Anybody can be nice. Besides you only have to put up with him sometimes.
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gdaughter Apr 2019
LOL...if they respond to my satisfaction survey the penalties would probably result in them shutting down!
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Remember: in any situation where you engage with another party to render services that you are paying for, YOU are the employer, and you can hire and fire at will. This means anything from lawn care to lawyers, and everything else in between. Health care providers are no exception.

If it's at all possible (insurance, scheduling, etc.), find another doctor, and then fire this one. Your dad doesn't need to feel uncomfortable with this guy - he has enough problems already - and you don't need the aggravation. And if you successfully engage another practice, be sure to tell this one why you're going elsewhere.
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cherokeegrrl54 Apr 2019
You are exactly right... because the Dr can “fire” a patient if they don’t follow his advice!!!! In most instances i think they truly care, but with all the governmental regs in the last 20 yrs, its almost impossible to get quality time wth your DR or PA.....always go with ur list of questions and if u have to stand in front of the exam room door til u get answers, then so be it!
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I really despise doctors who act like this to their patients/caregivers. I definitely would check on finding another doctor but may be faced with a challenge of one accepting him with his condition. I totally understand what you are going thru with the terminology that needs to be explained in ”words that your dad can understand”.. I have to have it broke down for myself! But as a caregiver, you are doing what you need to do. You and your dad deserve the respect and the compassion from your doctor during this difficult journey he is on. As I have always been told, their is someone higher up to go to. If you find another doctor that will accept your dad, doctors have a “code of conduct”, I thought, they should go by. I certainly would report him for his actions. Good luck and stay strong❤️
word of mouth will hurt his reputation as a doctor...and his referrals...
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I might try to find another urologist, make an appointment as soon as possible while you still have the medication, and go over everything with the new office and new doctor once you find one. A good doctor will understand the caregiver's need to know what is going on! Is there a hospital in the area that could refer you to another urologist? What about the regular GP? My mom had a "bad" doctor and I found another and it made a big difference. I wish you all the best in finding a new urologist!
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rovana Apr 2019
Be sure to check how your insurance plan(s) work so you know financially what to expect.
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You can always change.

We even changed in the hospital when Mom was near death. I reported the less-than-compassionate (also irresponsible) care to hospital administrators and websites alike. I wasn’t worried that the doctor was the hospital’s “superstar.”

When Mom recovered, she thanked me for advocating for her. She felt protected and loved.
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gdaughter Apr 2019
so many places want the $$$. Just had a friend who observed horrendous and non-helpful care with her dad in a local nursing home hospice program. Took energy and time, but she brought her dad home with another hospice program. She was grateful she did.
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What is this QUACK HERE FOR? Find another DOCTOR with Better Bedside Manners...How Rude and Crude, Inexcusable!!!!xx
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Helping77 Apr 2019
Agree! I'm grateful to have had plenty of good drs in my 27 years (and it's a lot) but I have had mainly I remember 2 psychiatrists before that honestly seemed they were more interested in insulting me (one while I was in school who seemed more interested in telling me ignore everything than my emotional state. Love to know how you ignore people (boys n girls) flicking you in the forehead or other things similar and another recently who was only interested in telling me everything I do is wrong, even simple things like I need to use this specific conditioner (or even use conditioner, which I told her I do) because I have such curly/frizzy hair it's hard to get through) like that's her business because?)
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I too was wondering about the cancer being in his bone at this point. What is his prognosis?
i agree with letting the doctor know up front your dad's disabilities and letting him know you are his caregiver and (I hope) Medical POA and that you will be asking questions. Do this outside the exam room before the doctor sees him. Some doctor's love to intimidate and patronize with their God complex. But if that doesn’t work, in the meantime you have searched out other options and have a fall back.
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You dare to question the High Priest of modern society? You might as well dare to question the gods themselves!

But seriously, doctors are a sad bunch. Very few care about health, wellness, and side effects. They are just drug-pushing robots.

Don't let this doctor intimidate you. Hopefully you can find a better one.
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Countrymouse Apr 2019
Reminds me of this little joke:

Q: What's the difference between God and your doctor?
A: God doesn't think He's a doctor.

But the important thing is that this is a little *joke*. I don't know how many doctors you know, but I know quite a few. They might not be surprised by your insulting remarks but they would be saddened by them, and they might well wonder why they even bother putting in the hours, the care and the concentration that they do.
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Do you have POA? If so give the office a copy for Dads files.
Did you make the doctor aware of Dads hearing loss and speech problems? Doctors like to feel the patient out. They need feed back from the patient. The best thing you can do is just sit and let the doctor do this. When you come into the office, tell the doctor who you are, daughter and caregiver. Dads problems with hearing loss, speach and that as his caregiver you have concerns. If he acts the same way, ask him why.

Are you restricted to what Urologist you can use? Medicare allows you to use any doctor you wish but Medicaid and supplimentals tend to have a network. When you call another office, ask if they take Dads insurance and handle his Meds. Is this doctor an oncologist specializing in urology that is why only he can administer that particular med?

To be honest, now his cancer is in the bone, will chemo help at all?
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Helping77 Apr 2019
I understand the need to feel out the patient but just to say as someone who has had hearing problems (deaf and hard of hearin) since birth I would have a problem if a doctor did this to my mom as eventhough they may prefer to speak directly to the patient sometimes I need my mom to answer due to misunderstandings or lack of knowledge on my part. And as for making the office aware from my experience it should be in the patient's file and is poor review on the dr part if they aren't aware or even go as far as to ignore this since I have been in situations like this before (eventhough I haven't had it at a dr thankfully) but lots of people will spit it back in your face that you are an inconvenience if you try letting them know this.
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Is this guy the only doctor in the practice? Or can you find another practice where a doctor has the authority to prescribe and administer the drugs your father needs? Perhaps you could ask the local hospital if they can recommend one. Send the question in writing so you don't get stuck with just the receptionist!
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Some of the drugs and treatments for prostate cancer can cause periodontal bone loss, which in turn can cause problems with dentures.

I hope your doctor can become more responsive. As your father’s caregiver, medical staff should be willing to answer your question. Hope this all works out for you and your dad.
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Complain to the doctor's office, and ask for a meeting with this doctor and an administrator present to clear the air. You're not causing conflict, you're resolving it.

I've no idea what the doctor's issue is, but he has to accept that you are acting on your father's behalf and asking legitimate questions, and answer you as though you were your father. And you can't afford to let his arse-y attitude get in the way.

Having said that, why challenge a question? I've no idea what dentures have to do with prostate cancer either, but that doesn't mean it wasn't a perfectly good question.

I'm sorry you have this stressful matter to deal with on top of everything else, but then that's the thing to do. Get it *dealt* with, and out of your way.
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jacobsonbob Apr 2019
Let's hope the urologist the OP described becomes a patient of a proctologist having a similar attitude..
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