My 87 year old mother lives in a locked unit at an assisted living and has sever neurocognitive disorder. She has always been nervous and afraid of everything but it has gotten so much worse. She is on Seroquel and Lexapro and was hospitalized for this 2 years ago. She was no longer able to use a cell phone so we put an Alzheimer's phone in her room. She has 9 family members programmed on it and during one of her episodes she just constantly calls us over and over. We all work and it gets to be very stressful when I can't answer over and over. I would get rid of the phone but my sister doesn't want me to because she calls her almost every morning instead of visiting her. I can unprogram everyone but my sister but I think that would make her way more anxious when she hits the buttons to call but it isn't working. I think the phone needs to go but how do I explain this to my sister? She was calling 911 but we glued the red button down and it no longer works. Should I take the phone away and make mom feel more alone and abandoned? When someone does answer to talk to her it is really not a conversation at all because she has no idea who she reached and we can't understand what she is talking about. Except that she hates it there and we need to help get her out. This is the 4th assisted living she had been in and I can't move her again because she is unhappy. I need help deciding is the phone a help for her or can I unplug it?
At this point it sounds like the phone is not there for your mom's benefit anyway. In fact it seems like a source of frustration.
Let her calls to you go to voicemail if you can not or do not want to answer.
Put your phone on Do not Disturb until a time when you will take her call.
(You can elect to accept calls in an emergency even with the phone on Do no Disturb.)
You can remove your number from mom's phone.
(although I think in the long run you will miss those calls when you can talk to her)
Your sister likes the calls...why deny her that?
Could the phone actually be part of the reason for her unhappiness? For instance, instead of going to activities, could she prefer to stay in her room waiting for the phone to ring? If your sister is truly calling her each day, could she be staying in her room, waiting for your sister's call. Then when it is over, everyone is already in an activity so she feels left out? Could your Mom be expecting visitors so she refuses to get out of her room and do anything else?
Talk to the Activities Director. See if she is joining in on the Activities. If she is not joining in, what excuse does your Mom give to them? At the start of an activity, do they expect the residents to just show up or do they go get the residents?
I suspect she is unhappy because she really has no social life and it appears that no one is taking the time out to try to get her included. On the other hand, they could have tried and for one reason or another, it didn't happen. Either way, you need to find out what is happening so that you can get the problem corrected or at least minimized.
At my Mom's Memory Care floor, they make it a point to get the residents out of their room and into a central area, even if it is just to watch TV or enjoy the sunshine. Even the bed-bound residents go to these activities.
I think you need to do more research on the unhappiness. Maybe she is relying on the phone for social interaction, instead of getting out of her room and interacting with the care givers.
For your sister who calls her every morning, talk to the nursing station to see if she can call them, and they go get her. My sister claimed she called my mom everyday, however, my Moms iPad proved that she doesn’t call even close to that.
In my case, my Mom doesn’t have a cell phone. We gave her an older iPad and use FaceTime because we need the video and large screen. However, as the dementia has progressed, that has become harder as she doesn’t understand how far away someone is and thinks they are just outside the building. The MC actually encourages their residents not to be in their rooms, so my Mom has little to no time for personal calls as she really doesn’t have much time alone.
I would then vote for removing the phone. Tell her it broke or whatever works. Well, nothing will work at this level of decline but a vague answer is best.
I also agree with a post to see about changing her to ativan or something that will actually calm her down. She is not happy in this constantly agitated state. I'm surprised that none of her MC facilities worked harder on finding the right meds for her.
Best of luck.
Why is she on anti-depressants when her problems are nervousness and anxiousness? I say this as a caregiver to elderly people for 25 years. Do whatever you can to get your mother off of the LexaPro and Seroquel. These medications often make a person's anxiety and nervousness worse. Especially in the elderly.
Maybe her doctor will put her on an anti-anxiety medication like Ativan. A little liquid Ativan (lorazepam) will do wonders helping the anxiety and constant fear.
In the meantime, take your number out of her phone. Or program your phone so calls from her number go straight to voicemail without even ringing.
Have you discussed this with her doctor? Maybe she needs a change in meds or a different dosage.