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My sister-in-law lived 5 minutes away from my mother-in-law. She said she no longer wanted to take care of her and insisted we take her into our home 7 hours away. My sister-in-law hasn’t given us any money for her care. We have no idea where the social security money is going, but it's not to us or mother-in-law. My husband has to have major surgery soon and I can’t take care of both of them. I have a disability which makes it even harder. We want my sister-in-law to take over the care or at least use the money to get her into a facility. Nobody has POA for medical issues. Who is legally responsible for her care?

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Does Social Security know that your MIL isn’t living at your SIL’s house? Is your SIL the representative payee that Social Security appointed? Social Security does not take POA into consideration. You should report this to Social Security and they will do an audit on your SIL and if she cannot produce receipts of how her mother’s money is spent Social Security will hold your SIL accountable.
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Reply to Dupedwife
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I believe once you tell SIL you're going to contact SS regarding the money, you will probably get SIL more than willing to assist.

Stealing an elderly parent's income and leaving them with nothing is pure evil.
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Reply to Sha1911
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The POA uses the parents money to pay for care. Otherwise she should apply for Medicaid either for a few hors in home or in a nursing home. However if sister was hiding money, then care is delayed to offset what was stolen or unaccounted for. Do nor worry about medical POA.
Another option is the ER dump. The social workers will work with getting Medicaid but thins will point to the sister.
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Reply to MACinCT
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Usually who ever has POA and Is Primary caretaker is responsible and a Lot of these people Live off their parents social security . Just say " No I Cant do it , find a Place for her. "
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Reply to KNance72
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To answer your question of me. Yes, you would need SILs permission. She holds the purse strings. She signs the paperwork as Mom representative saying the money is there for MILs care. She also will be the contact.

You cannot place Mom without Financial POA. If MIL is competent, she can revoke Sisters POA and assign ur husband. If not, its Sis.

I wonder why Medical was not gotten at the time Financial POA was? They go hand in hand. You have no one who can carry out Moms wishes or make Medical decisions.

Geaton, placing someone is the FPOAs responsiblity because they handle the money. In this case, I have no idea who will be able to deal with Drs and medical staff.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Geaton777 Apr 24, 2024
Isn't transitioning into a facility a type of medical decision? I would think a FPoA and MPoA would both be required, or work together if they were different people. How does a FPoA keep someone in a facility if they don't have a medical diagnosis of dementia...? Is it just that the facility doesn't care because they're happy to get the money? I'm not arguing, I'm just trying to sort this out in my head.
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All that needed to be worked out before you took MIL in your home. Call SIL and tell her when you are dropping MIL back off at her house.

You have no responsibility to care for your MIL.

Time to stop the gravy train your SIL is enjoying, most likely using MIL's funds for her own use.
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Reply to MeDolly
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Your SIL does not have to care for her but shebis the only one who can place her in a facility. If Mom has no home to upkeep, IMO, her SS should have paid for her care. You should have no out of pocket. That SS is your MILs and needs to be used for her needs.

Time to tell SIL you can no longer care for her and as POA, she needs to place MIL. Either in an AL paying privately or on LTC with Medicaid paying. And its up to SIL to handle that.

Hindsight is 20/20. But just in case someone else is on the verge to care for a LO in your home, do not do it without have both Financial and Medical POAs. Do not allow another person to hold the purse strings and u do the care. Have a contract if for some reason you can't obtain POAs saying that the POA will cover all the expenses of the LO you are caring for. And if needed, helping with household expenses. Make sure its witnessed and notarized. Better thatva lawyer draws it up.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Geaton777 Apr 20, 2024
She can pay for it with the Mother's money but without medical PoA can she make the decision to place her? I'm asking because I'm not sure.
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You will have to ask SIL where, indeed, is the Mother's SS going? Unless she formally resigned as PoA, she is still it. You can hint around to her that unless she can provide info on where that money is, you will be forced to contact the SSA and track it down -- and hoping it wasn't going into SIL's bank account all these years (and being spent) because...

"There are specific laws about the unlawful claiming of social security that are punishable by up to 5 years in prison and a fine. Another even more serious charge associated with social security fraud is “theft of public funds.” Theft of public funds is a felony when the amount stolen is over $1000."

If you don't make any headway with SIL tell her your next call is to the SSA. Ask what they suggest doing. Maybe they can confirm where the money was being mailed (and maybe returned, not deposited or cashed) or, direct deposited. It won't give you access but it might start answering some questions. I find it hard to believe that SIL won't know where this money is.
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Reply to Geaton777
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I think water has gone under the bridge here in terms of mistakes already made which wil complicate options available to you now.
The SIL has POA and was responsible. But by taking MIL into your home you have now made this your own problem, but a problem that you have no power to fix.

I would call APS at this point.
SIL may never have inacted her POA. She simply ignored the problem and you picked it up. So at this point there is no one responsible for the problem.

You cannot make your SIL do anything, especially since you took MIL into your home.
I think you cannot know at this point what SIL is doing with MIL's money, but it sure is time to find out.
If APS refuses to discuss this after you tell them what you just told us, then you and hubby will have to see an elder law attorney for options.
I surely do wish you good luck.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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