She loses her temper because she has lost control of mobility. In fact, she is refusing assistance, but cannot manipulate anything on her own. With help she gets to the portable commode and the wheelchair, but despite consistent and constant instruction from us, according to the therapists' instructions, she insists her way is better.
We wanted to try to get her into the car for a surgeon visit in 3 days, but she doesn't even want to exercise due to arthritis in her knee which existed pre-surgery.
Is her depression being treated?
Some elderly want to do things on their own terms and that can’t be changed.
You may not want to give up , but this woman may want to live the end of her life on her terms, even if that means she becomes wheelchair or bedbound .
I don’t blame her for being afraid of falling again . Hip surgery is traumatic and often is the beginning of the end for someone at this age . The chance of her falling again while walking is great at this age.
She is entitled to live how she wants . With her list of maladies life may just be too hard. Let her live the way she wants and keep her comfortable .
Please don’t force a frightened woman to walk . After all, very few of us suddenly die while standing .
My dad has had similar, even prior to overt dementia . Among other physical issues, my dad has had damage to his dominant hand, and has been told he will have worsening and lose function of it unless he tries some physical/ occupational therapy exercises, and even those are not guaranteed. However he just refuses to keep up with the program and exercise. He does to some degree realize the consequences of not doing it. But hes 87, how much can we do. He saw a hand surgeon who said he was very reluctant to try a risky operation on someone his age, and that refusing physical therapy afterwards likely would mean he would end up worse than if he skips surgery. Its difficult. This week I will take him to his PCP Geriatrician and discuss these things he refuses to do and see what she says about it. My thinking is she will say, just skip the PT etc if he just cannot be motivated to do it.
For your mom, you mention that she already had hip surgery but do not say how long ago. If she is still in pain, well pain is another reason to cause the depression and emotions you mention. After surgery, the surgeon followups are important I'm sure. You may need to figure out 2-3 people to get her into that car to go. Also, I learned before with my mom, with hips, its best to find a car/ SUV at just the right height for them to get in . If the seat is too low to the ground, or a very high SUV or truck, its difficult. YOu want it to be like a more horizontal entry. I found for this that a small size SUV seemed to be the best height...... The other option if you can afford it or insurance can cover - arrange medical transport too and from the appointment
Hang in there
I am caring for my mother Jo, who is 97 years old, living in my home with age-related decline, anxiety, arthritis, broken hip, depression, hearing loss, incontinence, and mobility problems.
About Me
Retired, still physically strong. Actually the patient is my mother-in-law. My wife handles all of the personal hygiene for her Mom plus cooking. We still have Therapists two times each week.
Puddinhead, your MIL is 97 years old with enough issues to choke a horse, and likely dementia too! Leave the poor soul alone now. If she doesn't want to do PT, so be it. You cannot force her to do ANYTHING at 97 with all these painful issues! Why do you expect anything different fro a woman who's nearly 100?
Ofen a broken hip is the beginning of the end for elders, as it was for my father. If MIL continues to do things her way, she'll likely fall again which you cannot prevent, and that will be the end.
Keep her comfortable and let her do as she wishes. Get a hospice evaluation as she declines so meds can keep her out of pain.
Good luck to you.
No thanks to your suggestions.
Falls with injury are often the beginning of the end, and one such certainly was for my own mom in her mid 90s.
You can only do the best you can.
Falls in aging are often due to poor balance and that's a brain issue that can't be fixed. Knowing the results of her recent fall your mother is naturally and appropriately afraid. That fear may lead to debility with less movement and may lead to further falls.
You will discuss all this when you get to the surgeon, which of course is not an OPTION for her but an appointment she must keep.
Rehab may help and may not, but her own doctor will be the best judge of that.
You don't post an actual question, but seems like you want to know what to do regarding getting her into the car for her appointment. You can't force an adult to do something they resist. If you can't get her in to the car then cancel the appointment and consider putting effort into getting her accurately diagnosed. She may have a UTI. She can get meds for depression.
But if she's going to do PT she needs proper pain management. Is she on anything for pain right now (for her surgery and arthritis)? Her anger and depression need to be addressed.
Hopefully you or someone is her PoA...