I'm sharing this here because I really don't have anyone to talk to about this. Mom, 94, has been through a lot, depression, wheel chair bound, psychosis, now developing dementia and other age related issues. Her health is good, no real issues, just getting older and needs lots of help, but can feed herself and use the restroom. After a bunch of trial and error at various facilities, I found a very good, very expensive one. She's self paying, and will be ok for another year, then apply for Medicaid, which would mean moving to a different place. The problem is that I may need to be hospitalized for an infection in some joint replacements due to a congenital bone condition. May be in for 6 months. I've been through this before, but not when mom was living here. I visit her as often as I can, but it's not frequent. We never had a relationship growing up, but things are good now, at last. Mostly she doesn't remember what it was like back then, and that's fine with me. But I feel guilty about this huge change for her. We talked about her moving to brother (2100 miles) and of course she's anxious, but willing, especially with me going into the hospital long term. It is brother's idea and he found a good place about 10 min. away from the family's house. It's all happened very suddenly, and I feel kind of in shock; mom is anxious, but willing. She has settled down in her current place really well, and it will be a shakeup, plus the traveling stress for sure. Again, not sure why I'm writing except I feel kind of shattered, want to help mom and do what's best for her.
Also, I'm seriously considering moving 4 hours away for a job. I plan to visit her when I can, because the nursing homes in the area aren't as good imho. I'd rather she stay where she's familiar with staff/patients.
The 2100 miles is what bothers me. Can they get a nonstop flight from you to them? Who is going to travel with her? She can't go alone. Don't think they will drive. At 60 miles an hour thats 35 hrs which means at least 3 nights in a motel. Then there are pit stops. So the plane is it. Can she toilet alone? No way can 2 people fit in one of those bathrooms.
And then its the Dementia and just her age. It may be hard for her to adjust. Its hard for me to adjust and I'm 69.
If all of this has been considered, then let brother take her. At 94, maybe he wants time with her. You can visit. This way you can relax and heal without the stress of being there for Mom. Good Luck.