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Cancel the sale, cancel the rebound boyfriend (I don't care how long you've known him), and just take care of you and your daughter. Buy a house when YOU can qualify for it on your own, or just rent.

Having him get a mortgage but not be an owner of the house opens you up to all sorts of problems. He could decide to stop paying one day, and YOU lose all the money you put down as well as your home. That'an insanely bad idea.

Notice I haven't mentioned his mother at all? She's not your problem.
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Beatty Feb 2022
Excellent advice MJ.

It also fits with Countrymouse's advice (from a different post) for when things are not working:

"Stop. Then Start again".
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Run away! Run away now!
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Make sure your name is not on the mortgage and you can get back any cash that you have put down.
Do not move in. Find another place to rent. Or if you can afford to purchase on your own do so.
Sign nothing.
He, if he truly loves you and values you will come to the realization that you can not nor should you be caregiver for his mom.
Her financial failings should not impact you nor your boyfriend. She needs the professional help of Debt Relief if she has outstanding debts.
I think you might be wrong in saying she can sell her house. with a Reverse Mortgage she no longer technically owns the house. (I am by no means an expert on this and I am sure others have detailed this) It is possible that you/she needs to consult an attorney.
Bottom line....RUN do not walk from this situation.
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One of the things that needs to get discussed in a "later in life" relationship is responsibilities towards adult children and elder parents.

I met my now DH when we were 48. We both had elderly but independent mother and 4 adult children between us.

We agreed that there was no way that any of them was allowed to move in. My DH tolerated one of my kids staying for occasonal weekends, but even that was pushing it.

Before you buy property with another person, their needs to be absolute agreement on ALL of this stuff, kids, parents, whatever.
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Isthisrealyreal Feb 2022
Abzu, you should tell a woman on the first date what your plans are, otherwise you are wasting her time selfishly.

Doesn't it make you wonder if your idea that being a mommy's boy might be a bit off, if every woman runs where she hears this?
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Dear Not a Slave to anyone,
You could get an attorney and maybe -delay- the closing on the escrow, stating because your boyfriend's mother will be selling her house and increasing the down payment to $100 K, thereby returning your $35 K to you.

You will need the $35 K for upkeep, remodeling, and taxes.

Does that make any sense to you at all?

No, it makes about as much sense as moving in with your boyfriend, married or unmarried, when he thinks of you as "Selfish". He does think you are selfish?
Or did I read that in another post?

And you think he is lazy?
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lealonnie1 Feb 2022
Yes, the OP says in one of her comments, "I just think he was raised differently with different values and ideas about how to respect your elders than I was and he feel like I’m the one being selfish saying I don’t want her to stay in my bedroom when she visits or live in my house. "

I can honestly say, in all of my homes, every time an elder visited me, be it my own parents or an in law, they have NEVER stayed in MY bedroom; they have stayed in the guest bedroom where all guests should stay. If my DH called me 'selfish' for having that rule in our home, I'd say he was gaslighting me, to be honest: trying to make me feel like I was the crazy one for wanting to sleep in my own room! Just another red flag here, huh Send?
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Bigger red flag is boyfriends comment that he thinks it will be cheaper for mom to move in with them rather than him having to pay for the up keep on two households.

Even if mom sells her house you can guarantee that this selfish spend thrift senior will be broke in a year and sonny boy will have to step up to pay moms bills.

Not to mention OP is preparing for not being able to earn an income because of her own disabilities. So she will be at mercy of what boyfriends wants to do. If he stops paying the mortgage she could lose the house and her 35,000 deposit alobg with it.

What a nightmare instead of what should be a happy time in getting a home and starting a life together.
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Back out of the sale even if you lose some deposits.
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Is boyfriends plan to use you as a caregiver to gain inheritance? To be honest I skimmed your post , tooooo many RED flags here.

as I say LOOK DOWN THE LONG ROAD….

for you , I would RUN . This man should be putting you first And looking down that road , I don’t see that …

moms home is the nest egg , but who’s nest egg? Mom or sons …thru inheritance….. moms home should be used for moms care at AL…
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Why in heaven's sake are you with this man? He obviously has no respect for you! Your own words describe him as lazy, selfish and disrespectful, his mother notwithstanding! 3 strikes and you should be out of there!

Do you really believe, after you make the $35,000 downpayment he will really make the mortgage payments? I don't! Before you dig yourself into such a deep pit there's no escaping, pack up and leave! If the sale of the house is finalized, and your name in on the mortgage, see a lawyer and make him return your 35K...if not, run, cancel the sale, even if you lose some money.

NO man is worth this.
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AlvaDeer Feb 2022
She explains in her answers and it looks to me as though despite knowing what's coming, and despite anything anyone here can say, there is no help for it. I say then, on you go knowing the problems. Please don't marry. And when Mom moves in force the sale on the home which will hopefully have appreciated. "hopefully".
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PLEASE google the term "grifters".
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I think you are better off renting. It's not throwing away money when it gives you freedom.
You can eventually buy a house by yourself, or with a husband. Not a boyfriend. This won't end well.
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NotaslavetoMIL is an excellent name.

I am promoting you today.

NotaslavetoMILorBF

Your gut feelings is right. We can go into all the why's here if you like. IF you think it worth having a rational discussion - here they are;
1. MIL got old & needs help/aides/housing whatever..
2. BF thinks a Good Son must SAVE his Mom.
3. He feels a hero being THE GOOD SON.
4. So he decides to move her in. Like that will fix ALL her health, aging, whatever...

Any action he chooses is for HIMSELF - he CANNOT choose for you.

Rational discussion can help.
Couple councelling can help.
Taking a different ACTION can help.

Say NO as loud as you need to. 🤚
If he doesn't hear you, write it down. Then have a lawyer say NO.

Or say no with your actions. Walk out👢👢

Stop the house purchase. Get back your funds.
Walk.
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rovana Feb 2022
RUN!!
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Dear Notaslave but investor:
You could see an attorney, write up a contract and make the $35 K a second mortgage loan, payable to you as your separate property upon sale of the house. This contract should go through escrow.

Otherwise, if co-mingling funds with your boyfriend or spouse, when you separate or divorce, or just sell the house and split the proceeds 50/50, you could lose all or part of your initial investment.

Say, for example, house proceeds net $235 K. You get $117,500.
He gets $117,500. He receives the same as you do without any down payment. What if you sell it in 2-3 months? He has invested nothing but rent to get 1/2 of your down payment. Quite a gamble.

Yes, do look up "Grifters". There is a dark movie (old) by the same name. Family even scams family, and it involves murder.
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pamzimmrrt Feb 2022
This actually happened to a friend of mine, She used her son's college fund to buy a house with her fiancee, he put no $ down. "Helped" with the payments once they were in, and when they split he made her buy him out! She lost the college fund, and was saddled with mortgage she really could not afford. It's not worth it!
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When a son talks on the phone to his mother, his girlfriend (or wife) should not be present or listening in. And if he talks to you on the phone, his mom should not be listening in.

This is an unhealthy dynamic. And it betrays the relationship.

It can be used (even if unintentionally) to inform you how things will be without actually telling you. It can get you upset, cause you to fight. Set you up to take on a responsibility that is not yours. Set you up to express his anger (towards his mom) for him.

Walk away when he is on the phone to her. Even if he is in the kitchen cooking with you. Turn off the stove and walk away. Do not share what little time the two of you have together with his mom. He can leave the bedroom if she calls while you both are in bed. Or you can leave.

Since I have done this, I have much more peace not knowing what dH's mother is doing. And he never tells me. Dh still tries to bring me in on it, I keep my boundaries up. I have been grifter-proofed by caring therapist(s).

It is not easy to need to keep your guard up in any relationship.

If you need to improve your relationship, start there.
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Sendhelp Feb 2022
Do they call this "triangulation?".

Maybe it is what narcissists do.
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OK.. Do not marry this man-child. Do not buy a house together or in any way entangle your finances with his. You are very fortunate this came up before it was too late and you were trapped. You gave a lot of good reasons, but really they are not necessary. Don't you hear the alarms going off? You are intended to support this guy and care for his mother and that is the bottom line here. Are you on board with this trainwreck? RUN.
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Was just thinking ... I have a feeling the bank will automatically put his name on the deed, as he has the mortgage. The bank would want some sort of protection from mortgage default. This may come up to you at the last minute at closing. Otherwise, how could they foreclose if they don't have an interest in the property? Please check with the mortgage company/real estate attorney on this issue to see what their policy is before you receive any last minute surprises.
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NotaslavetoMIL Feb 2022
His name and mine will be on the deed. 30 days after we close we get a lawyer to do a quit claim deed and put my name on the deed too, we can’t have it on there at closing because of the type of loan it is apparently (FHA). The mortgage person set me up with a lawyer to have that done.
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Follow your gut, this is not a sound investment. A house in itself comes with headaches why compound that with unnecessary drama it seems woefully unnecessary and unproductive.

Please understand being selfish is not a bad thing, if he feels you are selfish that is fine. You have every right to be selfish within your home and therefore space.

On a side note let us not have another thread get locked due to fighting. Multi-Generational Living seems to raise the temperature of the board. Not going to question the intention behind the boyfriend, it is noble. The thing you have to explain to him is the third room was never intended for that use, and had you known that was going the purpose of the room you never would have invested in the property end of story. Be clear and concise with him that having her stay with you even as an emergency is not acceptable. It is his mother you have no responsibility towards her, and if that is an issue he is free to leave.
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Thankfully and Fortunately you haven't proceeded with the closing as yet and you can step back and reassess the situation (I hope).

From all that you described, it sounds very complicated - with many unsettled issues. I truly feel that going forward the way things are is asking for a huge mistake ...and it only gets harder once the closing is finalized. Please see this as a "red flag" and be grateful that you have some time to take a breath and reconsider your plans.

Firstly, the fact that you said that your boyfriend is an "equal owner" on the onset when you're paying the entire down payment and it would take him a lot of mortgage payments to even reach that amount is already skewed and unbalanced. And now his mother coming into this - and her living arrangement hanging in limbo....I think you can see where this is going....many arguments between you and your boyfriend, aggravation....instability...it's a set-up for failure unfortunately.

If your boyfriend cannot arrange alternate living plans for his mom in advance of the closing, then I suggest taking a step back and perhaps cancel the closing (if you're unable to get a mortgage yourself). This isn't the right time and if your boyfriend wants to live with his mom, then I think he needs to find a place for them himself. He shouldn't have it both ways - and standing firm and doing what is best for you will benefit you in the end and bring you peace of mind. Wishing you the best of good wishes ~
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NotaslavetoMIL Feb 2022
Thank you and yes I see all the red flags, I do, I’m also aware that right now he is not an equal owner but that is where he calls me selfish again is when I say I am spending this much for the house and specifically a third bedroom for my daughter and now your saying you are moving your mom if she needs to without even discussing it with me first. He will be paying the mortgage payments because it’s his name on the Loan and he will suffer the consequences of missing payments if he doesn’t. And he is planning to pay for the financial things I can’t pay for each month to help in supporting me. But it’s like he expects advanced credit for that now and in the future so he can act like he has an upper hand or more of a vote in who lives in OUR house.
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You should get a loan agreement in place before you fork over 35k in the hopes that he will sign any documents down the road.
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Abzu94 - let me say that I appreciated your words and thoughts reflecting a different culture. It is quite interesting to hear about. And I understand that there are strong feelings on the board about bringing a parent into the home to take care of them - many based on very tough experiences. And those feelings are valid and important. The reality is that there are many different ways of thinking, different childhoods and relationships, different financial situations. May I humbly ask that we take a breath before responding and consider what the OP is asking? People come here because it's a safe place to vent and to ask questions. I don't think it's kind to aggressively and emphatically tell her that her boyfriend is a bum and she needs to cancel the contract and move out. Or to be judgmental of a person who conveys a different cultural perspective.

I have also been tempted to fire off an immediate response to a post, but force myself to wait so that I don't inadvertently offend someone asking for help. I appreciate you all and have been helped by many of your words. My goal now that I've lost my parents is to try to help others. Thank you for reading.
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NotaslavetoMIL Feb 2022
Thank you! I did just want to voice my concerns and get helpful ideas of ways to maybe explain my concerns better to my BF so he didn’t take offense to what I was trying to tactfully say, and that was just that I didn’t appreciate not being included in his decision to suggest to his mother that she move in with us when we haven’t even closed on the house yet. Or that he couldn’t just bury his head in the sand about finding other alternatives for his mother that still let him take care of her needs but without imposing her cate on me and not discuss other possible and better solutions. He takes offense whenever someone has an opposing view at first because he feels attacked or that he’s being told he’s wrong instead of trying to understand where the other person is coming from. I’m an over thinker and I think of a Million scenarios when things come
up like this and I can’t just say ok, whatever you want, I need to have my concerns heard and understood and work out a compromise. I was trying to find a better way to say I don’t want your mom living with us and not sound selfish, which I really am not, I just know from experience that he doesn’t have, that taking care of my dad after his stroke and his passing that it literally destroyed me emotionally and physically and I was trying to explain that I can’t do that again, especially for his mother (whom I don t know any better than the dentist), when I have my own mother and children to be responsible for. He just keeps saying he wasn’t asking me
to take care of her, but I can’t make him understand that the time will come when she will need care and if she’s in our house I can’t ignore that and he knows in the back of his mind that oh, My GF will take care of her because she’s my mom and I work and she’s there anyways. I feel
like he’s thinking once his mom is here I can’t refuse without being a total B!&$@ of a human and he knows I’m not. I wanted to make sure he understood that we needed to plan for every way to make that not something that needs to happen until it’s an absolute emergency, last resort, that she moves in, and that I still will not and can not be her caretaker. Period!
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"his mom has squandered away over 100k in the past 4-5 years from her reverse mortgage"

Now while MIL's finances are not my business (it is in fact only MIL's), I'd still like to comment.

Firstly, is 20-25K a year on food, living, home maintenance reasonable where you live? (It would be where I live).

But whether her funds were squandered irresponsibly (gambled, supported a luxury lifestyle etc) or responsibly, (merely to meet her bills) - if BF wants to help his Mom, financially, it can be to point her to the nearest elder advisory service & financial advice.

Saying 'come live with me' could be a throw away line. Not thought out at all.

PS by the way, do you suspect MIL spends her money on supporting her adult children??
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NotaslavetoMIL Feb 2022
No she doesn’t support him, and she also has SS and a pension she gets monthly and she bought a 40k car last year that I’m sure the payments are outrageous so it’s pot money management which I don’t want to be tied to honestly. I have looked into the FHA regulations and I have been the one who is handling all the mortgage process, he’s busy at work or doesn’t want to deal
wirh it and says I know more about the process so I have been the go to for the whole process so he’s not up
to anything with that. The realtor was my choice and he didn’t even see the house before we made an offer. As for my back, it’s an old, long standing injury that I’ve lived with and medicated, had procedures and therapy for over the past 30 years. I’m well aware that caring for his mom would destroy what I’ve worked so hard to prevent from
happening and that’s further injury or worsening of my currently somewhat better back health. That’s why I’m so worried about him forcing her care on me for
even a temporary basis because I know it only takes me trying to help
her out of a chair to tweak my back and then he’ll have to help me as well as her and my kid when I can’t walk upright. And I am very thankful for the constructive advise, that why I posted my concerns. I’m sorry if I haven’t said that before.
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No, this cannot be right-about the mortgage and title. Do you believe that sounds right?

Just FYI. an escrow company, upon receiving different escrow instructions from the new owners, will have to legally put a hold on the closing.

You both are not using an above board mortgage company, are you?

Have you gone to all the meetings with your boyfriend?

This cannot be right!
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NotaslavetoMIL Feb 2022
I have been to every meeting without him, acted as his assistant and informer for all of this, set up all the people involved and seen every piece of info about the deal before him most of the time. All the people involved know that I am handling all of this basically for him. Thank you for your concern about this but my issues are just about the mother moving in without my consent or even knowledge before he offered it to her and using the room permanently, A room I paid for to let my daughter (should she need a place temporarily) to stay in. My issues aren’t that I feel
he is a grifter or scamming me. He doesn’t know about 70% of what all this house buying has entailed, he has entrusted it all
to me and just agreed and signed stuff he didn’t even read at times. I trust his character morally and ethically. My issue is that he is blinded by emotion for his moms situation and he is not taking everyone’s interests into account when offering his mom a place to live for free for a permanent solution without consulting me first. He’s thoughtless and reacts instead of thinking first in stressful
situations, especially about his mom. I just don’t want to be stuck living and caring for his mom for ten years because he didn’t think it through or ask if it was ok first before letting her think she was moving in. Thank you for all the care and concerned messages but if feel things have gotten off topic and morphed into other problems
im not concerned with. I see all the sides and understand and agree with a lot of the stuff people have brought up but my main concern was the just simply not being consulted first, the caregiving aspect that he didn’t understand was a part of it whether he thinks it is or not, and the fact that I did discuss and he did agree to me paying for the 3 bedroom to use for my daughter if she needed it TEMPORARILY and him basically giving it away to his mom without asking or paying for it essentially.
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There will absolutely no harm done by waiting for a better time, a different house, can you see that?

You don't have to lose your boyfriend over this.

Home buying is very stressful, and you don't really have all your ducks in a row yet.

Have you considered, with your back pain-that some treatments are not covered by insurance, and the expense of some treatments (say for example,
Prolia injections) @ approximately $2500 per injection will go through your $35 K quickly?

I never meant to get this drawn in by answering your question, but feel you are making at the very least, a financial mistake. People who are trying to help you are feeling for your situation. It also feels more urgent due to the time limit on your escrow. BTW, an escrow that you are not really a part of-on the title/deed.
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"... because it’s his name on the Loan and he will suffer the consequences of missing payments if he doesn’t."

This really worries me.

If the loan is secured on the house, YOU will suffer the consequences of missed payments because the loan provider will own the house. That's what a mortgage is.
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NotaslavetoMIL Feb 2022
Yea I know that, I meant he can’t skip town and it not go against his credit to just not pay. I know I’m responsible too but my name isn’t on the loan, just the deed. Just clarifying the details.
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I truly feel that you should just step back from this house purchase and continue renting for now - the timing just isn't right - there are too many obstacles, red flags and uncertainties in the way that your boyfriend responds... and in any definitive plans for his mother.

Wait until the dust settles and he finds a living arrangement for his mother - and perhaps he needs to be more involved in her finances going forward.

There will be other houses and opportunities when the timing is right and the stars are more aligned for this to happen - otherwise owning a home under the wrong circumstances will feel more like a burden than an advantage.
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OP said her name is going to be added to the deed 30 days after closing. I googled this and it is not as simple as her realtor makes it sound. She really needs to speak to a lawyer about this before the closing because from what I read it can trigger gift taxes and the clause in mortgage by lender that requires full term of loan to be paid immediately.

Basically the lender has to agree to having OP added to the deed. This can be done before closing because the OP can have her name on the deed and not rhe actual mortgage payments. If lender wont agree to this before closing they probably won't agree to it after closing. What will OP do if she finds out she can't do a quitclaim and be added to the deed?
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NotaslavetoMIL Feb 2022
Thank you so much for bringing this up. I forwarded this to the lender because he said he had just done this with his wife recently and to ask our closing agent about it. I already talked to the closing agent and she said all we would need to do was to have one of their attorneys draft a quit claim deed, come to her office in 30-60 days to execute the signing of it and theyd send it to the recorder for filing. Hopefully it is that easy. But I’ll make sure now, thanks again!!!!!!
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lealonnie1…

“You deserve an equal partnership with the mate you choose in life, where your voice is equally heard and considered before all decisions are made.”


I said almost the same
thing you wrote verbatim tonight before reading this. I insisted we talk about what options were feasible for his mother and her situation and I had what I think was an awesome idea that he seemed offended that I was thinking of ways to make her stay out of our house, which duh! He asked what my real issue was with not wanting his mother to live with us.

i said you have a responsibility to her but that doesn’t mean I do by proxy. I think she should be responsible for her actions and he is responsible for her choices and care when she needs it. I said my issue is that I don’t like being told that I’m selfish because I don’t want to take care of your responsibilities for you when you are pawning your “precious” mothers care off on me. That is the most disrespectful thing I think a son can do to his mother and his partner. I would never ask him to care for my mother or support her, especially as my BF, and the fact that he can’t understand that I know what this situation is going to turn into when she gets further along in disability is just ignorant. I’ve been through it already and I work with elderly people as my job. I said he is just putting his head in the sand and ignoring his responsibility to her and what’s best for her because he doesn’t want to deal with it, because it’s “too stressful” for him, (in his words) so not to tell me I’m selfish or disrespectful because I owe her nothing and she’s a stranger to me. And the mere thought of her living here, even if I don’t have to care for her yet stresses me out so much Ive felt sick the past couple days worrying about it and haven’t slept and you don’t care that im
Stressing and I’m the only one trying to find her the best care and solution to her problems so I am being more respectful to her in my opinion. I said what have you come up with and he said again, he didn’t want to think about it, and I said I don’t have that luxury because her living here would make me homeless and I’m not letting someone run me out of my own home, so I’m trying to be the responsible one, up to the point of finding a better solution than her living here and me ending up being her sole caregiver because you aren’t home to do it. So my idea was to have her rent her house, she could get $2200 a month easy and make it the renters responsibility to mow the yard that costs her $100/wk in the summer and that, plus her SS and pension would be more than enough to support her even without selling her house. She could sell when she was ready and just live comfortably on the renters dime. She could even keep all her furniture for now and store most of it and then rent a smaller, one level, more manageable safer home. She could also sell the 30-40k car she bought and get a lower payment for an older car and save another $200 that way. He was still only aggravated that I’d put so much thought into her “not” living here that he couldnt even be open minded about the idea. All he said afterwards was that she wouldn’t go for being a landlord or storing her furniture. I said then she can stay in her house and eat can tuna because she not living in our house rent free , making me her caregiver for free if she can’t do something to help herself out of the mess she created. She has to take responsibility for her circumstance and I’m not giving her the room I paid for to have my daughter live in if she needs it for someone who won’t do their part to help themselves. He was speechless and left the room, I was almost smiling when he left cause for him that means he heard it and he’s embarrassed that he finally got it and he’ll probably apologize before I’m asleep. Not that it makes up for his behavior, but to really truly be heard and understood is what I wanted more than anything, whether it changes his outlook or not.
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BarbBrooklyn Feb 2022
So, did you get that apology?
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What happens if he "decides" not to do the quitclaim deed in 30 days?

You need your own lawyer.
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sp19690 Feb 2022
She is going by what the realtor told her which is incorrect. They are not married and obviously won't be 30 days after closing so it is not as simple as adding her name to the deed.
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https://www.coverage.com/insurance/home/quitclaim-deed/

Please read this. A quit claim deed does not carry any guarantee that the grantor actually owns the property.

So....he could get the deed, sell the house to his mother the next day and quit claim it 30 days later, making you believe that you are now on the deed.

Except you're not.

Or, he could quit claim it to his mom. And then to you. Meaning now she's on the deed.

And there is NO RECOURSE. Because a quit claim deed is NOT a warranty deed.

Grifters...
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sp19690 Feb 2022
I agree and have to wonder if the realtor is in on this game.
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Notaslave, I am so pleased to read many aspects of your update!

Hey I get having a man that won't look at houses (considers that shopping) & won't much look at finances. Luckily I am happy to do both! My man probably has the genes to stalk & kill prey. But not cave finding or berry picking..

You are getting your house. Tick. You are getting your name on the deed for your money. Tick. The man knows your position regarding MIL care. Tick. High 5!

You have made your boundary clear. That's GREAT. That's within the boundaries lof what you can do. Maybe the man gets it.. Maybe he hears you but doesn't get it yet.. no matter. It's clear.

The was an amazing poster named Dorker who battled for years with her lovely DH over MIL care. He just wanted *family* to save her/serve her. Regardless of her bad decisions on reverse mortgages, firing help or whatever. He had been trained long & hard to be The Good Son. He kept on about their spare bedroom.. 'the yellow bedroom'.. oh couldn't she just move in?... *family* can care for her.

Family being: all adult kids left home, he worked 6 long houred days a week so that only left Dorker, who worked part-time & babysat for the Grands. Just as you said, he thought HIM wanting to help was some some of proxy or her.

Why are some folk so thick on this she asked? We asked? I ask now!

F.O.G Fear Obligation Guilt

Fear of saying no to Mom. Obligation The Good Son has to help/save. Guilt if he doesn't.

Once that FOG clears - hopefully he can see. It's simple really - You spend your money Mom - you deal with it.
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NotaslavetoMIL Feb 2022
He has FOG with a lot of things and once he has time to absorb and mull over it and I think try to see my side, he usually sees the forest through the trees so to speak. I’m hoping this was really just his knee jerk reaction to suggest her live here as a last resort and he was just telling her what he thought would calm her down, not truly meaning he would move her in anytime soon or without talking to me about it. He has told her things a lot over the past 3 years and he always tells me in the moment he’s just trying to end the conversation and calm her down or make her happy for now. Pacifying her without any intention of follow through and hoping she’ll forget about it is his usual MO, but I have told him that’s creating a monster he’ll have to deal with later and it looks like now is that time. But this time I’m involved in this little story he’s weaving for her and she could potentially ruin my health if she moves in, (mental and physical ) as well as my relationship so I’m not playing along. If she speaks to me about it I’ll let her know that I wasn’t consulted about this invitation into my home and I dont think this is the best place for her needs now or In the future, and the bedroom he’s offered her was supposed to be for my daughter, and I decided to pay extra for it to be available for my child, should she need it. I think if she knew she wasn’t welcome
and that she was essentially stealing the room from me, and that her son was not paying for this house on his own, that’s it’s actually mine as well, she wouldn’t be so ready to accept the invitation from her son, fake or real. I am very disappointed to find out that renting her house may not be possible due to the reverse mortgage issues. I will look into that because my BF really thinks she will
refuse to sell anytime soon and that would mean she needs to be financially supported and he thinks the best way to do that is save money by her living here and that’s not going to save my sanity!
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