Father in law in early stages of dementia was hospitalized with a UTI that worsened his mental condition. After being released from the hospital, he went to a memory care ward first, then to assisted living. He wants to go home but can't live by himself (multiple issues with ADLs, fall risk, and hoarding). He keeps asking to go home. We've taken him there once, but we can't keep doing that. My husband is completely stressed out over this, and I don't know what to do to help him. We don't know how to gently tell his dad that he can't live at home any more. Any advice on how to have that conversation and/or how to help my husband would be appreciated.
Please tell your husband that his being torn up about this situation is perfectly normal. Nobody wants to see their parents lose their autonomy, nobody wants their parents to get old with dementia, mostly, nobody wants to have to parent their parent. It is the hardest, saddest thing we will ever deal with with our parents, imo. I bawled like a baby for weeks every single time I left my dad.
One thing that helped me was to help him adjust. I helped him meet his new neighbors, I did special treats to share with everyone and got to know them, that helped me stop feeling so bad and it helped my dad make friends.
Prayers that he and you can find a way to accept this new normal. It is not easy but, it does get easier as you navigate it and find ways to help dad, redirect dad and learn selective hearing when nothing works.
Krep repeating the doctors orders mantra each time he brings up going home. Sympathize with him and blame the doctor for the unfortunate turn of events his life took in old age. But remind him how fortunate he is to be living in such a nice place!
Will never happen, but don't tell him that, obviously. Stop bringing him back to his house or he'll never acclimate to his new living condition.