My mother is 85.5. A few months ago we moved her from one senior living facility (independent she thinks) to another. The primary reason was the new place was opening up and she was convinced she was being stalked. She also moved from a 2 bed to a 1 bed so the cost is lower. She moved into the old place in 1/2019 as her husband was coming out of rehab and needed assisted living. Unfortunately he died within a week of living there. Mother agreed to stay. She lost eyesight in one eye within 6 months due to retinal stroke. So she gave up her driving at that point due her doctor telling her she could no longer drive. Since she was getting lost often it was for the best. I had a tracker on her car so I could see where she was and had to go get her several times. Anyway she has balance issues and walks with a wheeler. The previous place's stalker would knock on her door and then walk away, or would stand outside of her door for hours so close to the door she couldn't see out she says. She had a door knocker with bolts that came through the door and she would look at these holes thinking he was blocking the view. He also supposedly threw things at her second floor apt windows, (There was only a memory garden outside that rarely anyone was in.) She refuses to let the new place (or the old place) do her medications although we already pay for eyedrops to be administered. The reason is she's in independent living (or so she thinks). Now the stalker is shining lights through her bedroom windows - she's directly across from the entrance. Even though she has plantation blinds. And he's knocking on her door and leaving. (same as other place). She had me put black plastic garbage bags over the
bedroom windows today. She said I'm not being paranoid. I said yes, you are. And I said to be honest you have been having cognitive issues for awhile. *( Her younger sister - maybe 76 has full on dementia.) she said no she doesn't and that was it. She's with it enough to know who the president is, what day it is etc. She took the MMSE test about 2 years ago and scored really high. I know about the UTI thing, going to have that done in the next few weeks, she sees her doctor for another reason. So I hope the doctor will tell her she should get evaluated by a neurologist.
She fixes her bed, does laundry, does her own meds (scary) and goes to the dining room and does activities at the facility. She was kind of unkept today, but that's not usual. She makes lists, so we get what she needs at the store. She does forget words. has two hearing aids and still has trouble processing at times. So after all of this babble anyone see these things with a parent who has officially been diagnosed?
Dementia is just an umbrella term - covers many types of brain change diseases. Some variations don't seem to affect memory in the earlier stages, affect reasoning, bring visual disturbances or mood changes instead.
You mentioned her retinol stroke. Vascular dementia can sneak up with smaller strokes so I'd mention that past stroke to her Doctor. They really have to make their best guess based on symptoms & then neuro testing.
I think I would be focusing on aiming to make her feel safe in her home. Whether the 'stalker' or visual & hearing disturbances are the reason for the problems I don't know.
I hope some tactics or medications can work to relief her of her fears.
(((Hugs))) to you.
your mom has started down this road… ( my opinion) I was fortunate, Nurse Practitioner moved to have my mom incompacitated early on …
Some of what you say sounds like she you need to have her neurology reevaluated. Talk to her doctor.
Also keep in mind your mother's eyesight AND hearing are both compromised. That means 2 of her 5 senses are lacking, contributing to her world having become smaller and making information harder to process in general. When she sees her PCP, hopefully you will accompany her and can tell him she needs a MoCA or SLUMS cognizance test to be administered; a neurologist is not necessary for such a thing, the PCP should be able to handle it. The test is short and to the point, mostly oral with 1 written question; to draw the face of a clock showing 3 pm or whatever, to test executive brain function. She'll be scored from 1-30 and you'll know right away if she's on the dementia scale somewhere; the first time my mom was tested, she got an 18 which told the doctor she was suffering from progressive dementia. They were right, too. Mom was quite functional for 4 years afterward (she was suffering from dementia for a couple years prior to being diagnosed, too, I'm SURE of it) and she lived in regular AL the whole time. I had to then move her into Memory Care in 2019 after her dementia progressed AND she became wheelchair bound; she was too much for regular AL to handle at that point.
Be sure to speak to her PCP about her paranoia, insisting that there is a stalker following her, wanting you to install black garbage bags over the windows, and all the rest of the issues she's been raising. She may need a mild calming med to help her PAST these issues and relax her a bit. Who wants to live like that, really?
See where mom falls on the MoCA test and go from there. If she is diagnosed with dementia, get her on the medication program at the ALF right away. Tell her a fiblet that it's the new AL policy that all residents MUST be on their med program, period. You do not want an elder with dementia handling her own meds or you'll wind up with a much bigger issue on your hands!
Wishing you the best of luck!