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You can only lose your disability if you are being paid to help her out. You really need to see an attorney or get a referral through the State Bar where you live. You pay $25 or something and get 30-50 minutes of advise. Don't give your POWER to your sisters. They are hTeful and nasty
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52-
Take mom to the nearest ER, tell them she has had behavior changes, and you are not able to care for her any longer. You are at the end of your rope, you need to take care of you. IMO your sister is having more effect on your health than what you do for mom. That is my case, this would be so much easier without sisters and their narcissistic behaviors.

Take care of you. Find a way to get out of there today, it may require abandoning your mom to the state, which may be a good thing, it would remove the family dysfunction from the situation completely. Good luck, stay strong.
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Stressed, so praying for for you and wishing you peace and health and serenity.
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Stressed, praying for you, sorry it's come to this. If you were in Little Rock I'd say Dorcas House which is for victims of domestic abuse, which in a vey real way you are. Hope this is the start to a better life for you.
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I seem to recall someone on this site mentioning that "abandoning" her mom to the state was the best thing she ever did for her mom's care. Took the family dysfunction out of the equation and got her mother good care. Sometimes what we most fear is the best plan, oddly enough.
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Would it be possible to reassign the Financial and Medical POA over to an attorney and let him/her make all the decisions?.... I realize there would be a cost to the attorney for all this work but for one's peace of mind it would be worth it. Let the sister yell at the attorney and see how far she gets doing that.
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It wouldn't have to be an attorney, and the POA should state whether it can be transferred to a third party or not. Who is second on the POA? Or is there a second person listed? The best solution would be an impartial third party, get the family dynamics out of it completely. It would not need to be an attorney, it could be a geriatric case manager and someone that also does conservatorship work.
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Okay so my sisters talked over what they were going to do. My youngest sister honestly has no options, as her husband died at 47 she is working 12 hours a day to try and keep her house and she has two kids one just entering college.

Older sister has options, she is on SS is 66 and her part time job ends around the second week of June, however I do understand why she needs to keep work since her SS is so low. But she lives here and pays $300 a month.

So today the man came with a contract that older sister had contacted, I have been doing this for free for 8 years....the contract tonight was for 8 hours a day 5 days a week!!!! This person will be paid almost $40,000 a year. I do not understand why 8 hours a day is needed but she wants the woman here at 7 am and off at 3 pm? She is NEVER home by 3 pm.....this is the sister who stays gone til 5, 6 or 7 pm at night.

I had told her the other night that I would sign over Mom's HealthCare POA to her....I regret that in a way. Tonight she made the statement that we were seeing an attorney to have the paperwork changed so she could also have the Financial POA! My younger sister and I BOTH said, "NO I never said I would give you the Financial POA, I said Medical. Now I wish I had never said Medical. She says well in you condition I do not think you should be handling the money! Now get you this woman is the only one of us who HAS EVER TAKEN A DIME FROM MY MOTHER AND NEVER REPAID A CENT NOR DOES SHE FEEL ANY REMORSE FOR DOING IT!!!! She currently owes the Mom in excess of $12,000 total that will never be seen. Not to mention she had a bank write of a credit card balance when my Dad died saying it was his debt, when all he had ever done was sign for her to be able to get a card. He never used a credit card, he was cash and carry all the way!!!

Now I am wondering what the heck is going to happen and it scares me.

If anyone else has panic and anxiety, i have to tell you I found a product at the Health Food Store which has been pretty amazing for me...it is made by Quality of Life and is called "Pure Balance Serotonin" it is actually for weight loss the woman said but it levels your Serotonin to make you feel good and thus has stopped the Panic and Anxiety. Now I have only been on it for two days and everyone is different and maybe this is just a fluke but so far so good. I am also taking Folic Acid, Vitamin C, and drinking Oolong Tea and Green Tea basically as iced tea all day long. I don't want to lead anyone astray but if you are searching for something, try this. I have been reading everything i can get my hands on and walking around the block a couple times a day. I also have to say that I have taken 1/2 of a .50 Ativan at bedtime and I am trying to lead to meditate.

Sorry for such an involved reply.
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stressed52, unless your sister's name is already on the medical POA, you can't just give it to her. Nor can you just give her the financial POA. It doesn't work that way. For her to get POA, your mom would have to have your name removed and have a new POA written up with your sister's name on.
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Okay my sister is on as the secondary that the POA would go to if I gave it up, then my younger sister after her. Here is the thing Mom actually wanted all 3 of us on the Medical POA because she said she never wanted any ONE of us to have to handle everything alone. Therefore after the POA was originally made she wrote up a paper by hand that said she wanted all 3 of us as her Medical POA the only reason she put me alone was because the attorney told her that it was better this way, in case there was an emergency they would not have to get in touch with everyone, just one person.

This is what bothers me, my older sister is not nice to my Mom. She says EVERYTHING with an attitude and yells.....I think she is half MY problem as well because you feel like you are walking on egg shells all the time. Tonight my Mom told me that "She didn't know what she had done wrong to be treated this way." She went on to say that "she was afraid to go to bed at night (sister sleeps in room next door) because she is afraid she will not wake up in the morning!

When i brought this up to said sister, she says, "Oh yeah thats great because that is the same exact thing she says about YOU!" Now I do not treat my mother badly nor speak to her the way my sister does, but I do know that dementia patients may say these things about anyone, so I am not sure if it is a true fear or something she might even say about me or my younger sister.
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