I've posted this before. I've been thinking about sending mom to a senior center.....once a week to start.....for a few hours. When I mentioned it to her before I actually gave her the information she didn't say yes but she didn't say no. That all changed when I handed her the monthly bulletin. Mom lives with me and watches TV all day long. She has mild to moderate dementia but can feed herself and go to the bathroom by herself. I know she likes to socialize once she is in the moment....she proves that at every doctor appointment and when we are in stores...she talks to anyone who will listen.
I explained to mom that she must get up and get moving and have some conversations with others her age. If she doesn't use it, she will lose it. Well, I know that will happen anyways...but this will help. I can already see from mom barely walking at all....except to make a cup of tea or a walk to the bathroom....the muscles in her legs are weakening.
My feeling is.....and I've asked her this.....if she wants to continue living with me as long as she can she must start getting up and out of the house. She may or may not participate in bingo, bible study, movie day, silver sneakers, but maybe she'll make a friend with someone her own age she can relate to.
I left the conversation today with, "we'll talk some more this weekend." I don't think she's very happy with me right now. I told her she needs to go a least once to see what she thinks.
Yes, I don't work so I'm home most days so she could just continue doing what she's doing. But, I think it's worth a try. Advice, anyone?
Sadly, she stopped going after awhile and I'm not there to reinforce or take her and reintroduce. But I agree with others, if you can get tough, attend first couple days with her, ignore her protestations, and persistence to leave and I think you will win the battle. She will make friends, the staff will call and tell her "they miss her, where have you been mrs. Smith?" And she'll have fun. Just don't count on her telling you that ;)
When we discussed the senior center again last month....July....she got so irritated we barely spoke to each other for three days! That was a wonderful weekend.....sarcasm! This is stressful to me.....and I'm sure to her as well because it is something new and different......but something has to give! I sure hope I can get her out of the car........
The people that work at the facility are wonderful, caring, understanding people who will do their best to make your mom feel comfortable. There are several "club members" who are very welcoming to new members...now my mom is one of those people who take newcomers under her wing.
I hope that you will take her, as it would be great for her and wonderful for you to have a much deserved break! Keep us posted.
She can also get to the bathroom on her own and feed herself but I found I just couldn't count on her getting up and having lunch if she was on her own and being a diabetic she definitely can't be skipping meals. I was trying to work from home, but found myself spending most of the day telling her what to do or finding projects for her to do that I wasn't getting any work done.
One of the women in my building suggested a local senior day care for people with dementia. Like others she wanted no part of it when I mentioned it but I just told her flat out we tried it your way and even though you know what you need to do, you won't do it unless I make you. Since I have to be able to work if you're going to continue stay with us, for this to work, you're going to have to go a few days a week.
After that I solely focused on the pluses to her, she'd get to make friends, have catered meals, etc. The staff at the center is wonderful. Used to dealing with these type of seniors and knowing they don't want to attend they told her right off that they understand it can be difficult meeting new people, doing new things, so you do need to give it a chance before deciding you don't like it and asked her to try it for at least a month. And sure enough the first few weeks she was a little grumpy about it but by the time the month was up you could tell she was looking forward to going each day, though she would never admit it, lol, and she just never mentioned not wanting to go again.
It was the best decision I ever made, for her and for me. They plan different activities, games, etc. each day that are focused on maintaining their mental and physical health. They've taken them on field trips, had special entertainers brought in, had a photographer come in and do portraits, all kinds of great things. I've noticed a definite difference in her mental/social abilities and she's maintaining her mobility.
For me, I can actually get some work done and it gives me that needed break from feeling like I was doing nothing but nagging her all day and thus made our relationship and the living situation better.
It has been a blessing for me because she has activities all day and comes home tired.
You may want to take her on a day when there is a special activity or trip. Perhaps that will work. Good luck to you!