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My sister and I have been caring for my mother (who will be 84 in May) for 17 years. Her dementia and sundowners has gone from moderate to severe. Medicare wouldn't pay for memory care or assisted living & she was denied Medicaid. We can't afford to place her in a private facility so we kept her at home.



Lately we have had a couple of episodes where her agitation got loud and nasty. Waking us up at 4 am stating we stole her car keys. Had a fight where she wouldn't let go of the family cat despite the poor thing scratching her. I have a sister (not to mention a job) I have to protect.



I made a call to her doctor but don't know where to begin with calming her anxiety. Is there such a thing as fast-acting anti-anxiety medication? Is there a therapy we can try?



Any advice?

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This is more than anxiety. This is psychotic behavior that is common in late dementia when the brain is almost totally destroyed. There is no specific medicine for this condition. Only a trial of different psychotropic meds can help to find the one that works the best. Naturally, this will not solve the entire problem. She is at the point where staying at home is no longer possible. The next challenge is to look for adequate placement.
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Placement is possible. Possibly not in the ALF or in MC which is very expensive, but in a Nursing Home. She doesn't now qualify for medicaid. That means she has too much assets or too much income. There are ways of handling that by spending down, doing private pay of all her assets with medicaid picking up the rest in a qualified nursing home. See a Certified Elder Law Attorney specialist if you are POA to discuss placement.
You have already called the MD and that is the correct move on any hope of drugs or drug cocktails that may help, but that is extremely unlikely, and often leads to a whole other cartload of side effects of too drowsy, of depression from "downers", of falls, and etc.
Placement is sounding like the only option; you may need help in figuring out how to do it.
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So given the weapons and the animal abuse, today’s the day you tell her that Medicare requires a physical checkup. You then drive her to the er and show either a screenshot or a printout of what you just said, and whatever they say, you say unsafe discharge.

Theyll find a place to put her before transferring guardianship.
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Your mother is currently a danger to herself and others. Call 911 and have her transported to the ER.

She needs to be tested for a UTI FIRST.

She needs a psychiatric exam and meds trialed.

You tell the SW at the hospital that she cannot return to your home. They will find a placement for her once she is stabilized.
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TChamp Apr 2022
It seems that UTI has become the wishful thinking of many. UTI is only a drop of water in the ocean.
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