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Your husband has no right to control his parents' spending (especially not his father's) but he does have a right to insist on being given information about it.

His parents have given him POA. This means that they have trusted him to manage their affairs in the future, when they no longer can. He can explain to his father that without information about their finances, including who is receiving their money, he cannot do the job they have appointed him to do.

His father is more likely to be open with him about where the money's going if your husband doesn't argue with him about his choices.
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kdcm1011 Jan 2020
My husband did this with his parents. Father was on board, but mother wasn’t. Mother was the one who managed their finances and she was hiding things from her husband. What she was hiding was large cash withdrawals for the favored daughter (family Queen) and her daughters and medical co-pays of granddaughters, even though both had full-time jobs and went on week-long vacations every quarter. She would then get behind on bills & go to her sons for money. FIL passed, MIL had less money coming every month, yet still kept it up. Couldn’t stop her, because she still was aware; she just made poor choices. What hubby could do & did was inform his mother he was no longer agreeable to accepting POA responsibilities when the time came & to assign someone else. She wasn’t happy, pouted, ranted, & tried to guilt him. He stood firm (thanks to this forum) & even sent her a notarized letter, signed return receipt. All is in our safe now.
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Sadly, your story is not uncommon, and the Elder Care Attorney is providing accurate advice.

In cases where an elder's finances are minimal and a single bank account can be restricted, it may be possible to manage an elder's decline in capacity with a POA document.

But you are describing a case where the work involved with gaining Probate Conservatorship can save your parents and your family from much greater stress in the future. Conservatorship is the only way you can compel third party financial institutions to comply with restrictions needed to stop the drain of funds to financial predators.

Beyond the tragedy of lost resources that could have been used for care, the end game if Medicaid eligibility becomes necessary involves a severe accounting nightmare. A Medicaid application will require you to explain the transfers of drained funds.

Chaos during the 5 year look back period makes the Medicaid Application preparation 100x more burdensome than if a Conservator starts right now with the tasks of managing and accounting for your parents' life savings.
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Grams1952, the problem with a DPOA in your situation is that even though it allows your husband to pay bills and access accounts, as the EC attorney said, it does nothing to stop your mom or step-dad from spending money however they want and/or even revoking the DPOA altogether, unless there is an "incompetency" conditional clause in it, e.g. two doctors certifing incompetency. If such a clause isn't in the DPOA, then your family can either continue working around the problem as best you can or guardianship/conservatorship can be sought. But, in either case, if legal incompetency is not found, then maybe all you can do is try to help them avoid scams and report any suspicious activities to adult protective services (APS). It is not illegal for adults to spend or invest their money foolishly, but it is illegal to prey on vulnerable adults and there's a lot of gray area between the two. Talking to the bank manager and your "quiet transfers from checking to savings" are excellent first steps -- hope it works.

I sympathize with your other problems of not all siblings "being on board" for guardianship and possible future Medicaid disallowance. If a formalized family meeting to discuss these issues hasn't already happened, then I suggest doing that ASAP. And use a professional mediator if it is at all likely that such a meeting will quickly become an accusatory shouting match and/or a passive-aggressive chess match. Also investigate your state's Medicaid rules and practices. In my case, two of us thoroughly investigated Medicaid practices and both of us asked for family meetings with the other six. but there were no positive responses. So, I went ahead and did what was best for my dad. Best wishes in navigating this hard time.
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kdcm1011 Jan 2020
My husband’s siblings that “weren’t on board” were the ones on the receiving end of the cash withdrawals.
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OMG, G1952 did you say that your folks are buying “silver”?!?!!

please please asap go thru whatever paperwork on these, especially if they are actually getting real bullion or “collectible” coins or “shares on paper”. Really silver as investments tend to be scams. The hook that is used is is “silver paid $50 oz in the past & it’s coming back” nonsense as your parents are old enough to remember the Hunt Brothers & the silver rush that they missed out on....... Yeah in like 1980. And back then I wore a size 4-6 and those days are not, NOT, coming back.

Silver is like maybe $15 and that’s kinda spot price for certified bars (these babies are weight stamped & have some sort of paperwork as to provenance as where mined - like 5 oz. Perth) for quite a while. There is / was a big scam going on with silver, where you buy a collectible silver coin for $100. But coin wasn’t a true rare or precious worth $100 on open market. It actually has a melt value or spot price of $45 -$55. Literally you loose half of your $ immediately.

Theres a whole series on the silver scam just this last Nov & Dec in Quartz by Jeremy Merrill entitled “Mining for Silver”. The scammers prospect & use Facebook and conservative talk radio. Lisa Rowan also has written on this in different financial advice columns for other publications (she has great & often hilarious podcasts too).

really if your folks are getting silver scammed, their info is being sold and they are going to be approached on other even more dubious “investments”. They are gonna get fleeced. Please please try to get over soon to clearly review what exactly it is that they are buying. There are legitimate ways to invest in rare coins & precious metals (1 of the best companies worldwide is in my city) but these are going to be $ 25k, 50k $$$+ coins with provenance. Not $1,000 buys. Not sending cash or money orders in the mail to buy stuff.
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freqflyer Jan 2020
Igloo, I was thinking the same thing regarding silver or gold. Any time I see those ads on TV, I cringe.
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I think it's different in each state but Medicaid only asked us to explain cash withdrawals in excess of $1000. And we just had to explain the withdrawals, not prove they took a vacation or paid a roofer or anything. You could ask your stepfather to please keep receipts of his stem cell purchases or silver or whatever. Medicaid only wants to make sure they aren't giving it away to family or friends They can make all the donations to their favorite charities that they want.
Would a conversation with an estate planning lawyer be helpful?
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Hi Grans. Are they writing checks or going to the bank to withdraw cash? How are you seeing these events? On bank or credit card statements? As POA, your husband has legal right to inquire at bank and get access to identify what is going on. Provide some more info and I (and others) might have some strategies on how to help.
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Your husband can set-up a separate account just for ATM withdrawals. The account should have a very low withdrawal limit - $50 or less. This will prevent your parents from withdrawing amounts above the set limits. Deposit more funds as appropriate. Their bank should be able to help with setting up a new account with debit only or ATM withdrawal privileges.

This option will frustrate them and make them angry, but isn't it better than them being broke???

As their financial POA, your husband must prevent them from squandering their liquid assets. It's also important for their dignity to give them an "allowance".

Losing and misusing money is part of the disease we broadly call dementia. Therefore, limiting the amount of money they can lose or misuse is a way to limit your and your husband's frustrations with their unwise and irrational behavior.
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You say that bills are being paid automatically...are they in their own home? So bills like utilities, taxes, mortgage (if they have one) insurance, all are on autopay? Rent? Is your husband who has FPOA is paying bills for them, or are they still in charge of their checkbook? Do they have a credit card, and can you see their statement, online perhaps if you can’t find a hard copy? That might tell you something. Do they still drive and get out? What about food or shopping? Do they do that on their own? Lawn maintenance? I’m just trying to figure out where money could be going, without it being an auto paid bill. Or a scam. Could it be that they’re stashing it somewhere in the house? My GF family found staches of money all over the place after her GM passed away, in books and kitchen. If they can’t explain the money, it’s time to take over their checkbook.
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rovana Jan 2020
I know of a case where cash was being taken out and hidden so the government could not get it...Grandpa taken to hospital ER and wads of cash on him.  Security nightmare!
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Is this a durable POA?  I don't understand why DH cannot control money?  We just took checkbook away
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rovana Jan 2020
Good idea, but depending on state of dementia, might be illegal if not declared incompetent and formal guardianship/conservatorship in place.
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Or a Nigeria prince scam? Is someone insisting on being given cash with the threat that they will be turned into the IRS or SS if they don't?
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Grams1952 Jan 2020
Hopefully not. They were scammed a few years ago out of several thousand, that is when we changed to auto pay, and hopefully be they don't give out the account number over the phone again. Andno, they don't gamble, they barely can drive to church and the store, but that is another problem.
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Gambling? On line or going to a casino? It is a problem with some elderly people. They are bored, it gives them some excitement.
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Stillhere1 Jan 2020
Both my Step-father and Mother would take cash and hide it at their house. When my stepfather passed, his son went to the house and took the hidden money. My mother had her own hiding spots. When she went into MemoryCare. My sisters and I found over $56,000 hidden. I'm sure there was probably more around the yard Buried. This maybe happening?
Presently, I'm dealing with my both my in-laws. We've found $8,000.00 plus IRS tax refunds not cashed.
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