My mother is 87 with CHF and dementia. She has an 11 year old dog and still lives alone in her condo. Her dog has been getting sick because she cannot stop herself from feeding him small portions of what she eats daily. I have tried, begged, her to stop and have explained how it is making him sick. The vet put her dog back on bland diet and antibiotic. I am afraid I will have to remove him from her home. She loves this dog more than life and she doesn't understand what she is doing, she would never harm him in any way on purpose. Please help, need advise. Thank you.
I live about 10 miles from her but don't get over to her during the evening as I have a family and a career. I do pick her up on the weekends to take her shopping. We go to the nail salon to get our nails done and or a pedicare treatment and a message once a month. Even though my mom is on a fixed income I have been able to adjust her income to include these little extras. Sometimes I pay for them myself. My mom loves these little excursions and it makes her feel good about herself.
Her senior center also offers monthly day trips to travel different areas close to home. We live close to Columbus, Ohio where there is a lot to offer people of all ages. Mom takes most of the trips as they enjoy the fun time on the bus and get to eat and just share in each others company that they normally wouldn't be able to do. I believe this really helps with my mom's mental health. You should check to see if there is a senior center locally to your mom and what they have to offer. In our small town we actually have 2 that sometimes work together especially with the trips.
Make sure your mom is drinking plenty of water during the day too. As people get older they tend to drink less liquids as the brain doesn't tell them they are thirsty. It will help with the dementia or mental health as well as hydrating her. My mom also did the mail stuff. She would send money in the mail and enter all these contests. I started contacting these companies and requested that they take her name off their mailing list. Since I do her finances she just hands me all of her mail and I go through it all and tell her what is trash and what isn't.
I know how frustrating this can be with elderly people. The thing you have to keep in mind is NOT to tell her what to do. Make suggestions and try to keep your anger in check. If you can make her think it was her idea then she will follow her own advice. Good luck.
In the area where my Mom lives, she goes to a senior center every day. She plays cards there and has lunch which is provided by the local hospital. It is nice as she has somewhere to go during the day and isn't feeding her dog people food at least not at lunch time. My mother still drives but only to the seniors and back it is 3 miles one way. If I could eat dinner with my mother several evening a week I would do so, but I unfortunately cannot do it at this time.
Find out if there is something wrong with the dog ,as you are doing to see if it can be fixed. As suggested distract the dog while mom is eating. Taking Mom and the dog to live with you will likely cause more problems than it solves Having a container of safe dog treats handy may discourage the feeding of unhealthy scraps
It is a tough situation when there is a pet involved. You feel for what the pet will go through at that age to be re-homed yet you know they can't stay in the current situation. If you can take the dog or another close relative that is probably ideal. Your mother will miss the dog terribly too. Would she settle for a stuffed animal? (probably not, grasping at straws here). Or can you take her dog and bring the dog along for visits?
No easy solutions for anyone, including the pet. Good luck.
My mom has early alzheimer's. After dad died (3 1/2 year battle with cancer) she wanted to continue living alone. She became even more depressed and was not eating well. I ended up leaving my job which has been devastating financially. I knew I needed to get back to work so moving her in with me was not an option, plus it would have been confusing to her. And she has wandered some.
I feel fortunate that there is an independent living apartment at a nice facility close by. She was able to secure a nice apartment. The best part is she LOVES all the "old people." The socialization has helped her a lot. This place allows dogs and has dog walking services. Mom and Dad pinched pennies all their llives so I feel fortunate that she can afford this place. If she has to move to assisted living, there is continuing care there. Assisted living becomes a tax write off, too.
I would never, ever take a dog to a shelter. That is the cruelest thing in the world. If mom can't manage her beloved dog then it will have a home with me.
Also, my mom wasn't readyto move but when she started taking double meds or missing doses altogether, wandering, and locking herslef out of the house I insisted we go look at the apartments. I was also very fortunate that my Dad had said he would like to see her move so I was able to play that card. The other alternative was hiring in home services, but that would not have taken away the loneliness. Even with mom living in the apartment, I still do a lot. I take her to all appointments. I order her meds and communicate with the doctors, in other words advocate. I do her laundry, schedule her hair appointments and make sure she doesn't forget, and more.
Most likely, your mom wouldn't want you to be unhappy and stressed about her. You are doing the best you can. It is okay if you have to step in and make decisions in her best interest. Your heart is in the right place.