Male cousin taking care of wife.

Is cousin POA for his wife? Does he have a relationship with the doctor who regularly sees his wife? If so, that is where I would start.

If this doesn't get anywhere I have some few other ideas, but I wouldn't want to START with them, as they are a bit more radical in nature.

Welcome to Forum Con. We surely do have lots of new members and questions today. I'm so curious about how you all discovered us at one time, but I sure am glad to see you here. Will await your answer and follow this question daily. Take care; thanks for being a supportive family member.

He desperately needs to stop being intimidated by her threats and get help. There are meds that can help calm her unreasonable behavior. Let her call whoever she wants, it will only help get her evaluated

He should call APS and invite them to visit. She needs to tell her story and they can see she is not being abused. They may be able to help him get services (like home visits from a nurse practitioner).

Get adult protective services involved - They will come Over and ask her questions . Next get her to her Primary care Physician for a Physical and examination - her Husband should go with her and ask for a social worker . if all else fails there is always a divorce .

Is he her PoA? Is anyone her PoA? If he is her PoA then he needs to read the document to see what will trigger his authority to legally make decisions on her behalf. If it is a Durable PoA then it may not require a diagnosis of cognitive/memory impairment. But if it does, he will need to use a "therapeutic fib" to get her in to her primary doctor for this test. He can tell her that her doctor wishes to see her for a "follow-up" exam on whatever thing she saw her doc for last. Cousin goes with a pre-written note explaining her cognitive/memory issues and to perform the tests (including for UTI). He discretely gives the note to the staff. This is how I got my MIL tested.

Also, he should ask to be in the room when she's tested and to sit directly behind her so that when she is asked questions, if she gives an wrong answer, you can indicate true or false by moving your head for the doc to see. This is also what I did at my MIL's appointment. The doc and staff will be happy to help in this situation.

Before leaving this appointment, have him ask for the HIPAA Medical Representative form for his wife. Cousin should be written in as the MR and she signs it. This allows cousin to call and get private medical info on his wife without her having to be present.

The wife is in the paranoia stage of her dementia. It can go on for quite a while. He can ignore her threats and hire aids (which she may eventually grow to like) or he can consider MC for her. But only if he has legal power to do so. He doesn't get to legally make deccisions for her just because he's her husband.

He needs to see or invite their doctor to the house, contact relevant organisations that provide help for the elderly and get the ball rolling. Let her contact the police, when it happens be there for him, so they know it's the dementia talking. I feel for him, but he shouldn't be under her command.

Let her call the police. It might open the door to getting her medical help.

Unless there’s signs of cousin mistreating wife, the police aren’t likely to believe he’s doing something wrong. They’re trained to recognize various forms of mental illness. Your cousin can explain.

In no way does cousin have to accept this treatment from his wife. He needs to ignore her ravings and move forward to get her help.