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I may be reading this wrong but the original post said "met the love of my life and moved across the country". I'm curious as to how they met if Boyo doesn't go far from daddy and the museum
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I need my head examined. I moved back in with my ex and his 90 year old father-- ( yes, I know) the old man was part of the reason we divorced in the first place. I had a small place of my own for a year but was extremely lonely. I still love my ex and wanted to lend a hand because he had his hands full plus he's giving our dog insulin shots twice a day and a strict diet plus he's always been there for me when I needed him.
Sometimes I enjoy making meals and helping in that sense but it's getting to the point where I'm very resentful and it's turning to hatred. I'm not like this so I don't like feeling this way. But his dad has ex wrapped around his little finger and I think he's playing us. He doesn't lift a finger to do anything, sits with his feet propped up and watches the same stupid tv shows day in and day out. I'm unable to work because of health issues and what I get monthly would barely cover rent someplace. He's extremely vain, has OCD real bad and thinks the world should bow down at his feet because he's 90. He's in fairly good health for a 90 year old but it's playing on mine. I feel like I want to end my life. I've talked to ex about this ( not the ending my life part) but he takes up for his dad and uses the excuse that he's 90 and that I should be more compassionate. I AM. I cook the meals,do the shopping, do the laundry-- and try to help out. I felt like it was my calling at first because I wasn't doing anything else but now I want out so bad. I can't even stand to look atthe old man.He's in better shape than a lot of people younger than him and ex keeps praising him on how healthy he is. Well, good for him, bad for me because my outlook is deteriorating and I have no place to go. I don't know if what I did was commendable or stupid. I made my bed and now I'm laying in it and am extremely depressed. His dad thinksof me as a replacement for his wife ( and he wasn't too nice to his wife when she was alive. He's a flirt, vain as h*ll and I resent him.
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If you are suicidal, get help! Better off homeless than dead!! Ex and you maybe need joint counseling where you disclose just how miserable you are and figure out what needs to change. Dad won't change, except for the worse, most likely. I doubt the change needed has anything to do with your compassion supply, frankly that's NOT a good answer from your ex. You at a minimum needs some respite. And, what happens when Dad passes on after most likely several more years of this? What's left for you?

Also,,fact is, if you are doing all that despite your health issues, you could be doing it for someone else and being paid.
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Dusty, go read Matthew 7: 1-3. Or try Luke 6:37. Please.
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AMEN!
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Thank you vstefans. I'm trying to put a plan into action. I just had a small meltdown earlier. I'm alright.
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My Mother used to tell me if I keep rolling my eyes they will stick that way. Sorry Momma.
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shaking, you talk about how people talk bad at you, but you're the only person I see talking bad to people. You say that people write bad things to you, but you don't read them. So how do you know they are bad?

I'm not sure who you were writing to in this thread. The first post was in March. Today's posts were started by a different person. You seem to be writing to the March post. I don't know if they are here anymore. You know how people come and go as needed.

I remember once you wrote that you don't read other threads. Maybe you should ask yourself why. I don't expect an answer to this, since I suppose that you won't read it.
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Shakingoffdust if I want a fire and brimstone sermon I'll go to church. In the meantime, please stick to the topic and keep your religious pronouncements to yourself. You're not in charge of everyone's eternal souls; we're each in charge of our own souls.
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Blannie, I feel the same way. Well said! No one has any right to preach to another, especially when posters are asking for concrete, issue specific advice not hell and damnation speeches.
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You say that "horrible screaming behaviors" have found their way into your relationship with your fiancee. That means it's time for counseling for the two of you.

That house is not a healthy place to raise children. I'm thinking of mold and little nicknacks sitting within around within a toddler's reach that can be swallowed, furniture that can fall over and crush them as they start to walk, not to mention the bossy, constantly staring, critical grandpa. Where will the new baby sleep? In the same tiny room you share with your fiance and your current baby?

This is a mess, and you need an unbiased professional who is trained in family counseling to help you sort it out.
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Shaking, Pam did pick a couple good verses. Read them and pray about it. You are not winning anyone for Christ this way. Remember how gentle Jesus was with most sinners, EXCEPT the hypocrites. ALL of our souls are in danger as long as we walk the earth. Think of St. Francis and what a gentle confessor he was. We need to be here to help not to scold and scorn. The give up the kids and get thee to a nunnery advice was way out of line. Harsh judgement and fear of it is exactly why people are not real upfront in the first place sometimes.
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Amen, vstefans. We're all imperfect human beings trying to do the best we can.
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That question was asked last March, not by the person who resurrected the thread yesterday.
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Shaking, when is the last time you admitted you were wrong? To another human being, in or out of the confessional? Forgiveness and mercy are as available to you as they are to anyone else, you know.

BTW, religious orders are NOT terribly likely to accept someone so they can abandon their children. Children form loving attachments to the imperfect people who are their parents, and severing them is devastating in any event.

I can fully understand you don't like getting this kind of feedback, but much of it has been delivered reasonably kindly and the cross talk around here seems pretty reasonable for an internet forum to me. We are serious too - examine your own heart and your motives first before tossing around words like "fornication", to someone who did not even mention sexual activity.
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Well, I was going to join in this conversation, but the reaction of one poster in particular turns my stomach - as it usually does.
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I'm keeping out of this as well. I see some troll acivity in my rear view mirror
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Yup, you're on the nose, as usual, Veronica. "Don't Feed the Trolls" is always good advice.
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Exactly!
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Wow, what a mess !!!! It is apparent that 'dusty' feels she can say whatever she thinks and feels and does not do well with any one not agreeing with her..... I am also a recovering addict/alcoholic and I promise everyone here, I have never sat in a 12 step room where some of the things that are being said here, by 'dusty' are even close to true.....Just as I went to those rooms for peace, education, learning a new way of life..... folks are not allowed to pontificate their 'religious' beliefs....... I just see you 'dusty' as not liking yourself, and therefore have set us all up to make you right about yourself..... we can't get past all your 'noise' to even have a clue what you are doing here.... if it's to insult and put down, we get enough of that from those we take care of... so we certainly won't stand by and remain quite while you do what ever it is you are doing... ya, ya we know.... you are always RIGHT.... sorry you can't enjoy what this site is all about.... I have some awesome friends here.... very loving and supportive.... they educate me on my situations in caregiving, but more importantly I see them as WOMEN..... not just caregivers..... we all let our personalities come thru ..... and no, we are not ok with your words and your attitude.... but you just keep on 'dusty'..... and eventually everyone will just be quite when you post, when they realize that they are being made fools of by playing your game of getting to be right about yourself..... you and your constant need to be the center of attention, be it negative, absolutely lets me know you are an alcoholic... and if you really have 15 years, I would hope you would be more mature than what you are showing us..... I have 30 hard earned years clean and sober... and do not feel the need to pontificate to anyone to feel important.... in my own mind......

This is for everyone else.... please stop this mess.... she is triggering things in us and we are reacting.... she does not want help, she does not need friends, she does not want to be a 'part of' what we do here...... so let her be who she is..... makes me sad for everyone involved..... we all have such stressful lives, and so much to worry about..... a hundred years from now, will it REALLY matter what 'dusty' says????? NO.... personally it doesn't matter to me now...much less a hundred years from now.....

We are a family here.... at least to me ya'll are family.... and I tend to disappear when ugliness is happening.... the only reason I am even saying anything,,, I reached out to 'dusty' as one alcoholic to another, and got no reply.... her agenda has nothing to do with what we do here.... come on ladies....lets be proud to stick together and do the right things for the right reasons...... love you all and pray she receives no more attention..... thanks for letting me share.....
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ladeeM, your points are good. I do think we should ignore the apocalyptic goat. One thing is she admits she doesn't read the threads. She just comes in and talks. This thread is a good example of that. Her tirade was not even relevant to the new person who wrote yesterday about helping her ex with his FIL. And what a debasing tirade it was. I'm sure it shocked fossil, who was looking for support and got that nonsense.

As far as I can tell, the goat is not a caregiver. She is just an unemployed person living in her mother's house and views her with contempt. We never hear about any caregiving.
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Jessie, that's harsh. When Dusty first arrived she explained some of her family circumstances, and - LadeeM - also that alcohol had been a devastating factor in the dysfunction. I don't enjoy the judgmentalism any more than anyone else does, but please be fair, and yes she does have direct caregiving issues she's struggling with just like the rest of us.
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Country I think it would be more helpful for dusty to stick with her care giving issues and if needed, respond to others in a positive way..

As LadeeM stated we are a family here, in my case a supporting one I don't conventially have.

My family means the world to me.. If you mess with them... It's gonna be a bad day for you..
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When issues like this come up, I'm reminded of the New Yorker cartoon of two dogs who are leaning eagerly over a desktop computer, with the caption, "On the internet, nobody knows we're dogs."

We're a mixed community here, supposidly with one issue in common: that of caring for aging loved ones. Some of us are who and what we say we are. Some of us are not. Some of us like to stir things up and say outrageous things with no ill will intended. Others say hurtful things, probably because they're sick and suffering and they feel the need to last out. I say let it go. I get some very good suggestions here. The stuff that isn't helpful I ignore.
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Darn! I meant to write "lash out."
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Countrymouse, it was meant to be harsh. Many here grew up with dysfunction. It does not give us the right to abuse others. I do not think it is okay how she talked in this thread after fossil posted. Perhaps I should have just hit the "report" link, but I am probably like the others here. The abuse I saw her dish out triggered a response. I do agree with LadeeM, though, to just ignore her. But I do hope that others who are reading report it when they see anyone doing abuse. It is okay to report what I did above, because it was meant to be harsh.
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The thing is - if a newcomer comes on - and reads the harsh words, and no one comments on it - the newcomer will think it's okay to say such things. If they see someone object to a person's harsh words, then they know that there are boundaries on what is acceptable. Not everyone has Facebook. This is still my first and only online forum/membership. I'm just soooo glad that when I first found this site, that I did not run into such shenanigans. I would have left this site.
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I get exactly what you are saying Book, my point was, that going on and on and on about one poster is more a reflection on the ones keeping it going...... since I feel this is my family, I would, in my own family, confront this situation..... we are never too old, too tired or too stupid to learn another way to handle things.... and yes, it should be addressed... I remember when you first came on AC.... something like this would have sent you running for the hills.... but as AC evolves, so does our communications..... I don't read her as a rule.... what I am more concerned about is that some of the people commenting are my friends... and don't like to think they would go after me like this if they disagree with something I say..... you know I am not a Pollyanna.... and I say what's on my mind and how I feel.... but one person is taking up a lot of precious time and energy here..... I just wanted the people I care about on here to think about that......
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I saw that post after mine and I thought it was intended towards me! I was kinda speechless. I thought it was a prtetty harsh thing to say. This is supposed to be about support for each other.
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You are right, it was harsh..... but that is one voice among many here fossil.... you will always come across situations like this, as it is a public forum..... but the trick here, is to read who supports you.... you doesn't judge you.... who send you hugs..... and I am happy to see you posting again.... maybe NOW we can address what your concerns are.....that's what we are really about.... just keep in mind.... that was one voice among many and the rest of us do not feel that way and welcome you... so thanks for taking the risk and coming back...hugs to you
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