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(hugs) Praying
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Your doctor is a mensch. You are in my prayers, Mid.
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Midkid, you will survive this. I know you will.

Meanwhile, I will continue to add you to my prayers.

((((Midkid))))
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We're here for you 24/7 friend, sorry about your suffering.
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Midkid58, I am sending you positive vibes. Let's pray if it appeared suddenly, it is your immune system in overdrive from the stress. Waiting for test results is the worst stress. Please keep us posted. Someone is always here to listen.
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((((((Hugs))))))))

What ever this is, Mid, you will face it with your customary grace and fortitude. And we'll be here with you.
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Midkid58 May 2019
This means more than you can know!!
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Midkid, well h*ll.....but it's always better (less lousy?) once you know what you're dealing with. It's so good that you have great kids and such love --- they'll all help you with this. Please know that all of us "strangers yet somehow friends" will keep you in our prayers.
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Midkid,

I have prayed for you and will continue to pray as you go through this health scare.
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Oh well--

It's cancer.

I was able to get in for CT scan today (with my dr's intervention) and I had that done 1 hour ago. I was walking in the house and the phone was ringing, my PCP calling that the radiologist called HIM immediately upon seeing my scans.

Trying to not freak---but he said he'd going to get me in for a biopsy tomorrow. Wants me to know my 'options' and what KIND of cancer it is, hopefully before the holiday weekend.

I have never heard my PCP even remotely upset, but he was a touch frantic, and I was crying, b/c you know, sometimes you just know. Not looking forward to needles, treatments, being sick......right now I am just in shock.

Guess that's normal.

Now to tell DH. And I do have to tell the kids. 3 of them live out of state. 2 will head here ASAP, one can't as she can't leave her littles with anyone. She's the one who's going to have the hardest time. She acts tough, but she loves her mama.

OK, dr just called, I will be seen at the Huntsman Center this week (we're in Utah, Huntsman is THE place to be....) wow--my life just did a 180------------

keep up the prayers, please.
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CTTN55 May 2019
Will continue to pray for you, one of my favorites on this forum. 🙏
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Still praying for you MidKid. You have been one of the strongest people on this forum. I admire you. Sending you only positive thoughts. 💗
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Mid, the good blood tests are telling you, at the least, that this is not blood cancer, I think. If you had leukemia, you'd have elevated stuff that would show up.

((((((Hugs)))))))
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The worry won't help. Try to relax until it is found out what is wrong. Or scream into a pillow if you need a release of stress. If it is cancer, it might very well be curable. Meditate, Breathe. You can do this.
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NeedHelpWithMom May 2019
ArtistDaughter,

You’re right but it’s hard not to worry. We do forget to do something simple like breathing. My therapist noticed it with me one day. I wasn’t breathing, then he said, I would gasp for air. I hadn’t even noticed that I wasn’t breathing. He taught me breathing exercises to do along with meditation.

I have trouble breathing during an asthma attack but this was caused from stress. I had a great therapist that picked up on it.

So yeah, sounds like something we should be taking for granted but good advice that you gave to remind us to breathe. Thanks 😊
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(((((((hugs)))))) midkid. I am sorry that the pointers for the road ahead don't look good. It is great you have a friend who knows and will be there for you. I get it about dh. Some guys have funny indirect ways of showing that they care. Prayers for this to be resolved quickly and well. Meanwhile be good to you, 🌺
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First--just---unending thanks.

I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face.

Initial blood tests--no infection, totally normal blood work.
Good, for a routine check up.

Bad in this instance.

CT scan is scheduled for Fri, not Thurs, but if insurance will OK it, I will have it done sooner. Messaged my doc and told him that. He wants the CT done before the long weekend. So do I!

As I said, I have one friend--who happened to call me last night to see how my doc visit went and I started to cry. So much for keeping it in house. She will be there for me.

My kids are all so busy---and there's nothing to really tell them. 3 live out of state and this would require careful Skyping and honestly? I do not want to lose it in front of them. I need to internalize all this step by step and then when I am calm and know something, I can talk to them.

Poor DH. I told him. He said "It will be an infection, forget about it" and we ate dinner, but I was sad and quiet and so he came out and asked me if I wanted to watch some movie which I knew was really violent---it's HIS way of shutting out the world. He is incapable of just holding me and saying 'this sucks. I'm here for you. I'm sorry. I'll take care of you". He just. Can't. I don't expect it and I won't beg. Thanked him for the thought, but said I just wanted to be quiet for a while. He watched 3 VERY loud movies. So, I know he is stressed, but cannot say it.

So, the CT scan and then likely needle biopsy next week if the scan looks in anyway iffy.

But----until then----any and all good karma sent out into the void for me. You guys are all amazing & wonderful.

THANK YOU--THANK YOU--THANK YOU!
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Praying for you, also. Please let us know how the tests go!
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Praying for you... for health, good news, and peace in your heart until you know.
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Midkid,

Reading your post brought tears to my eyes.

I am sending you positive and good thoughts. I will be praying for you as well. But do me a favor...think of yourself as healed and whole. "The way a man should think the body will follow."
Yes, I know your a woman!🙏💗
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I will certainly offer a prayer, if the good Lord won't mind my presuming. But also a frown. What other symptoms. And why have you been ignoring this.

Have you had your tonsils out?

I'm glad you have a doctor who has the sense to understand how important trust is. When do you get the initial blood results back?
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Thinking good thoughts for you...not knowing is the worst..
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Prayers sent up for you!
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I’d be scared too. Who wouldn’t? Cancer is all over my father’s family and it’s always a fear back in my mind. I had a routine mammogram yesterday and I’m always unsettled until I get the letter telling me I passed. 😌

If... and only IF... if it’s cancer, I know of two people who have beaten this type and are 100% well and cured now.
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Midkid58 May 2019
Thank you, I need to hear this!
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I had the lumps about 15 years ago, doc asked me if there is history of lymphoma in my family. Freaked me out too! I also did not tell anyone about it and planned not to until there was a definitive diagnosis. Never told anyone, didn't have to. Antibiotics did not clear the infection up. Had to have them surgically removed. Maybe they are goiters?

Best wishes MK. Just continue on your current course, you can manage.
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I understand the instinct to keep it to yourself until you know more, when you are very self reliant it can be hard to let people fuss unless it becomes absolutely necessary. I hope you had a restful night.
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Sending prayers and positive energy your way. I imagine how scary this is for you. Take each day at a time.
We’re rooting for a good outcome!
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I just sent my prayer for you.

God Bless!
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Prayers and good thoughts headed your way -
rest and hydrate -
relax ahead of the test Thursday - you can get through this - God will direct your steps
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Praying for you, Midkid. For strength through the uncertainty, and awareness of His loving arms around you at all times.
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Mid,

I am here with you in my thoughts.

I am hoping like the others this is just a nasty infection.

I could say “Don’t go there til you have to go there”. I know that’s the wise way to think but for some of us it is impossible.

I am torn about you not telling your adult kids. You really should not be shouldering this alone. I think you should tell someone.

I kept something like this from my adult kids for weeks during testing. I had to travel out of town for the all clear. They found out as I was traveling home with the all clear. The fall out wasn’t pretty. I think I damaged their trust in me for a good while. But it’s a personal choice and I respect that.
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Mid, my heart goes out to you.

My step mother in law has non Hodges lymphoma. It came up suddenly like what has happened with you. It was advanced when found, but I have to let you know it has been over 10 years and with treatment she is well.

I hope that if this is cancer it is treatable.
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Midkid58 May 2019
Thank you--I need to hear things like this.
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Thanks, a million times over for those who took a moment to write.

I am a basket case, but I do 'basket case' very calmly.

ALso, I am kind of medicated and I have the OK to take a double dose of my sleeping pills for the next couple nights.

I will go this alone until I have a definite something to tell my kids. I know I will have their support, and I know how much I am loved by them....I just don't want to put them through anything.

Sadly, over the many years of putting DH and his health issues first, all my 'friends' got tired of my drama and they slipped away. I have no really close friends, except for my daughters.

Going to take that sleeping pill now and head to bed. Been a long, scary day.

This is a weird change of pace. It's always DH we're dealing with. I don't KNOW how to be sick~

Thanks to all of you. Truly, my heart is much calmer now.
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BlackHole May 2019
Oh Liz! Biggest hugs.

Just the other day, I read your account of your gallbladder odyssey + mental wipe-out a couple of decades ago. That story really touched me.

“Just plowing through” is tricky. It serves us well.....until it doesn’t. 😶

Thinking of you during this rough patch. I understand your desire to keep quiet with the family. For now. When it’s time to talk, give yourself permission to have needs.... to be supported.

And yes, we are all aware of the elephant in the (neighboring bed)room. His reputation precedes him! Find your strength wherever you can.

You are a wonderful, giving person. Many in your circle are ready to give back to you. They’re just waiting for the green light. From you 🤗
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