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Here's some background to my situation.
About 7 years ago, my dad needed to have surgery and was still working at the time. He needed someone to step in at his business for an indefinite amount of time. I was in a transitional phase in my life and in need of change. I had lived alone and independent since I was 23.
My mom and I have always had a tumultuous relationship. She is emotionally and verbally abusive, does not respect boundaries and will purposely cross them if you attempt to set them. At the time of moving here, her issues were not something that I considered. We got along, for the most part, during my time away. I figured that I was older and things would be different.
Prior to my moving back, it was not disclosed to me the issues that she and my father were having. Upon arriving, my father showed signs of anorexia and was having an emotional affair with a woman across the states. He has always been physically and mentally sound, (no obvious mental disorders), so this was something that was shocking. Considering his physical health and witnessing my mom's behavior towards him, it was obvious that he was internalizing her abuse and looking for an escape. Had I known at the time what I was getting into, I would have never made the move.
Over the years, their mental health has declined. My dad has sought treatment for memory issues, my mom has not. She thinks all her problems are because of us and lets us know daily. There is so much more to this
Back to the original question. My mom extreme anxiety issues on top of the other mental issues. She is undiagnosed, does not take medication to help her, will not see a counselor and generally feels that we are her problem.
Recently, we had a fire evacuation warning and had to move our animals. It was very traumatic, but especially for my mom. She is in a constant state of anxiety, isn't sleeping, obsessively reads things that keep her in this state. Nothing will calm her down or help her and her projecting it out on my dad and me. She's verbally attacking us and won't leave us alone. She follows us around and tries to control our every move. I've tried to be compassionate and not take it personally, but it's disrupting our lives in such a way that is becoming intolerable.
What can I do? Moving is not an option right now.

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Sorry you're having to deal with this. I would gently suggest a consult with a neurologist to rule out a number of different diagnoses. I am not saying your mom has dementia, but what you've described: the anxiety, the combativeness, controlling behavior, verbal attacks, sleeplessness, obsessions, etc closely resemble my mom's behaviors just prior to her Alzheimers (and vascular dementia) diagnoses. Mom, however, was also paranoid and delusional. The hardest part may be getting her to go to the doctor.
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When was mom's last doctor appointment? There could be an infection or something else causing her behavior that could be completely treatable. A UTI, for example.

I imagine she would not cooperate and allow you to go to doc with her. You can send the doc a message before her appointment to provide a heads up on what you are seeing. That would help in a diagnosis.

And for your reading pleasure a Mayo Clinic article about "nervous breakdown".

mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/expert-answers/nervous-breakdown/faq-20057830
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Miafranco42 Sep 2022
Her last doctor's appointment was about a month and a half ago. No signs of UTI.

My sister and I have repeatedly suggested that she have a more in depth exam and she won't hear of it. She simple goes to treat the obvious physical ailments, (thyroid, high blood pressure).

Thank you for the link. Very helpful!
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First of all a nervous breakdown is not a medical term. You now have to separate her personal behaviours from the past and what is new. It sounds like she has an old personality disorder plus some mid stage dementia or some new anxiety disorder. You might not be able to do anything without a doctor exam. One work around is that if she becomes violent or may cause harm to herself or others, then you call 911 and institute the Baker Act to put a 72 hour psychiatric hold on her. Lack of sleep is concerning. If she has dementia then you can either become her guardian or enlist the diagnosing doctor to file paperwork to get her into memory care or a psych facility.
Otherwise you step back until something does happen to either one of them. If hospitalized, this is the time to notify the social worker of an unsafe discharge. Getting a physician to agree is another way to not allow her to go home
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