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Just home from being by Mom. She’s not dying or unsafe that I can tell but jeez. Quality of life should matter. I hope my kids are better at this when and if I live long enough to get like that. (Not likely) I like to ask what her Meals on Wheels was for the day knowing she can’t remember as there is a menu for the month laying around. We couldn’t find it today but she said it was something with mashed potatoes and gravy. While looking for it I found a sheet of the holiday schedule and realized she didn’t get a meal today. She has a 30 second short term memory. So is that normal age related memory loss? Not even close in my book. Tim is in denial or just weird about money and Bonnie and Jackie buy in because they either don’t get it or they’re afraid to say: The emperor has no clothes!
Just venting though. I don’t know who to talk to about it.



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We had a PCP appointment scheduled recently that would include Mom, me, my brother, his wife and daughter. Due to the recent uptick in virus cases only one person besides our Mom was allowed. My brother went and I knew from his perspective that it would be a useless appointment. As expected, the doctor said she’s fine. Blood tests confirmed no physical cause. My brother fed the doctor the results of a mini mental status exam that they gave her 3 times! She couldn’t count backwards by sevens so the question was changed to count back by twos! Thus, the results fed to the doctor are invalid and mean nothing. I’m starting to think that as long as she is safe and happy I ask myself what would be different with assisted living or memory care? I’ve arranged for an aide to come twice a week along with my two visits and my brother’s 3 or 4 times picking her up and bringing her to his home. She no longer cooks so I arranged for Meals on Wheels 5 days a week. My goal was to establish a daily contact with someone and offer a variety of meals other than what we bring over. I guess as long as she isn’t complaining this should be enough. I worry about her time alone and the psychosocial aspects of being isolated. Thanks much for your comments though and I’m sure I’ll be back.
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Her short term memory is not normal aging. I agree with joann29 about having her evaluated by a PCP to eliminate any treatable condition. If all the "treatables" are eliminated, her PCP should refer her to a neurologist for further cognitive testing. You say she's not unsafe, but her short term memory could result in unsafe behavior, e.g., not remembering to turn the stove off. If she's taking care of her self in other ways, eating, dressing, toileting, etc., your brother may not see her the way you do and chalk her memory up to old age.

You are correct, it's not normal aging and it's It's time to look for an ALF. You might consider taking mom along with you. I wish you good luck.
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No this is not normal age decline. She needs to be evaluated for Dementia. A good physical will rule out anything physical going on.
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MWR1985 Jul 2020
Thanks JoAnn. I totally agree. What I posted was going to be a text to another brother out of the area but I decided to post it here instead. My oldest brother Tim has insisted twice now that it should be up to her to decide if she should move into assisted living (memory care really) but I believe it should be our decision as of course she won’t leave what’s familiar to her. She doesn’t realize what is happening here and how would she! Too long of a story to type but every time I go (twice a week) I see that this is wrong. She has funds to last a few years before Medicaid picks up and the other 3 brothers don’t live nearby to witness it themselves. I know my brother Tim cares deeply for her and he just can’t seem to see what I believe is best. I’m cautious to create a rift between us but I’m all alone in my observations. His wife Bonnie and daughter Jackie won’t or can’t see what’s happening here. Argh. My Mom and I are not as close as he is with her in what I would describe as a typical 63 year old son and his 92 year old mother. I love her but I am able to stand back and see an elderly woman who definitely needs a higher level of care. Argh!
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She is 92 and my brother Tim thinks she is fine in her own apartment. I don’t agree. Do you?
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