Intrusive thoughts? Help.

Thoughts of harming the ones we’re caregiving aren’t normal. Burnout is an entirely different thing.

You are well enough to reach out for help, so please do what can others suggest, which is contact someone before anyone gets hurt.

Maybe call the police, who can find you an emergency help situation. Or a local council on aging, or just walk into a hospital emergency room and say you need help. It’s out there, and I hope you find it.

It is normal to want caregiving to be over, and I would argue that it is even normal to wish for you loved one to pass away so they, and you, are done with the horrible journey you find yourselves on. It is not “normal” to have violent thoughts about harming your loved one. You are burned out and overwhelmed. It is time to look into placing your mother and getting yourself the help you need. Your life is important too.

Hi Terry23,

Caregiving is a long, difficult road, and we're happy you have found the support of others here on this site. However, there are limits to what untrained members of the forum can provide for you.

If you are experiencing emotional distress or a mental health crisis, please reach out to experts at the 24/7 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988.

I'm sure other caregivers will be along shortly to provide more words of encouragement and advice. Please take care of yourself!

You are burnt out. Mom needs to be moved into a facility. Therapy won't help if you have to keep caregiving for mom when you are already at defcon4 with it.

Frankly? I would call 911 and say that I'm having chest pains.

They will not leave your mom home alone

Get yourselves to a hospital. Mom need to be placed. Now.

I would suggest what Barb Brooklyn Offered to you is to call 911 and say " You have chest Pains " and have your Mom Placed . Its rather drastic But so are the intrusive thoughts - these thoughts are the result of caregiver Burn Out . You are depressed and Overwhelmed and as much as you want to take care of your Mother you are unable to do so . Your Life and health matter . If you can call 911 and get to the ER and tell them you are struggling with Unwarranted thoughts and are about to have a heart attack from the stress you will see a Doctor. They Will Hook you Up with a case manager and social worker and hopefully find some where for your Mom . You are at your Wits end and this is a job you are Not capable of Handling. Ask for help . A Lot of caregivers suffer from PTSD , Panic attacks , Insomnia , exhaustion and burn Out leading to depression .

No, these intrusive thoughts of violence toward your loved one are NOT normal and are in fact very dangerous. You should call APS at once and report this, requesting help at once and placement for your loved one, then seek help for yourself. I am so sorry you are experiencing this, but you need to address it at once.

Get mental health support immediately if you have not already.
Do not feel guilty about this nor shamed; caregiving is 24/7 for family pcg ( primary caregiver).
Consider: pilots are not allowed to fly after x hours w/ o time off
Surgeons have guidelines about how long to operate w/ o rest
Train conductors have mandatory time off after x hrs on duty
And hospitals, facility care have
" shifts" of staff..... No one is on duty 24/7 .....week after week after week.

Get help with your mother; get her PCP to assign you a geriatric or senior care case mgr . usually a licensed social worker who can come to home and begin assess with you what options may be best....but get some form of help in there with her ...or perhaps look at placement in facility..... social worker, case mgr can help you start process or if you want have her assessed by hospice of choice for admit to hospice care and, hospice can help you in home and provide respite care for mother to give you a BREAK!

I Hope you are feeling Better and find a good therapist or social worker to help you . I Know Last September 15 I basically collapsed from exhaustion . I went to community acupuncture twice a week for support but also to Meditate . It was a Life saver and I had a social worker and was in a support group for caregivers . Even with social workers and acupuncturists and a great doctor I was still worn Out ...... it is a tough call to be a caregiver you need all the support you can get . Glad you came to the forum to vent and express yourself . See if you can find a Support group . Facebook Had dementia support groups and there was one on a zoom call Saturday nights and sometimes The Alzheimers association Has Mindfulness classes . I Go to Upaya Zen center - Joan Halifax does a Lot with caregivers and you can register for free if you can't donate . I think there is a GRACE Training - It is probably Online also But great classes and she has done a Lot in the dying field . I swim and Bike to the ocean . I Hope you feel better go Pick some flowers or try to do something special for yourself everyday to see the beauty in Life .

I also have intrusive thoughts and I agree that counseling is needed. These kind of thoughts are exhausting. I think they come from years of stress and trauma. I will begin counseling as soon as I can afford it. Sending prayers that you can too.