My mother in law refuses to vacate our premises so my family can come visit me for 2 to 3 weeks. We live in a 3/2. My Mother-in-law lives in the second bedroom, the third is a 10X10, used as an office. In 6 years, my family has never visited me. My husband feels that my family can sleep on the floor, in the office. Two parents and 2 children. The office is entirely furnished, with not much space to navigate the movement of 2 adults and 2 children. I disagree that they should sleep on the floor, sharing the bathroom with his mother. I feel his mother should go visit her other son who lives in Utah. We live in Santa Fe, NM. Inviting her to come live with us when her husband died, was the worst mistake I've made, possibly in my life. Now I can't get rid of her. She talks about my house as if it belongs to her. "No, I'm not leaving" she says. My husband is absolutely against having his mother going anywhere else for the duration of my family's visit. If it was up to me, she would go live in a nursing home, for good. This entire situation is eating me alive, as she is a constant reminder that my house is where she lives, and there is no way for me to get rid of her. Please help me with advice or ideas. How can I legally get rid of her, so she can go live somewhere else. This is legally my house. I put half the down payment on the house, I've been married to this man for more than 25 years. Neither my husband nor his mother will give an inch to come to an agreement. She had the audacity to suggest that I should rent a room from one of our neighbors. The longer she stays in my house, the greater my animosity and dislike for her. I have told her numerous times, I don't want her in my house. I can't be more clear than that. I will not stop pounding on this, until she leaves, or I die. The reality is, we can't be in the same house, knowing that this is my house and she is very much an invader. Once you are told to -leave, you become an invador if you fail to do so. My mental health is being greatly affected by her continuous presence in my home. Please help. I will not change my mind about her leaving. She must absolutely vacate that bedroom for three weeks. That is not negotiable.
Unfortunately that is just not realistic. I know I keep responding to this post. I had a terribly contentious relationship with my FIL - just about any of my posts will show that. I understand how hard it is to deal with an aging in-law who is "my way or the highway" and who also (for a while) had adult children who struggled to stand up to him (for varying reasons including childhood abuse and parental narcissism)
But I can say this - the path you are on - digging your heels in and expecting someone with a legal right to live in your home - to leave - not of their own volition - and not of your DH's choosing - to allow you to bring in visitors - is likely not going to end well.
I said this in an earlier post - but if you make an ultimatum - you have to be prepared to follow through on it. So please be careful how you proceed here.
There are lots of suggestions of divorce, eviction, and your own adamant claim that her staying it non-negotiable. Those are all very strong stances and any of them can be very painful in conclusion. Please consider this because once you start down a path it will be difficult to walk it back.
Legally - you asked how you can get rid of her. Eviction is really the only legal route. But you stated that she has an open ended rental agreement. Eviction requires cause in most situations. And the agreement of the homeowner(s) that the person must leave. You are in a bad spot because you are the only homeowner that wants her gone.
You say you don't want her in your house. From what I can see it's your DH's house as well - and he is just as set that he wants her there.
That is why we all keep saying that you have a bigger DH problem than MIL problem. You have made it clear that you don't like her and don't want her there. And that's ok. You have a right to your feelings. But the biggest issue you have right now is that she isn't the biggest problem you have.
DH is in your way. And it doesn't sound like he is moving. How do you intend to make good on your requirement that she vacate if he doesn't back you up?
I think it is very important that you sit down with your DH and explain that your mental health is impacted by her being there. That you think there is a cognitive decline issue. And that you want to speak seriously about the future.
But it has to be independent of the family visit. If you think just getting her out for 3 weeks is the same as getting her out- it's not.
I'll say it again. You have non-negotiable demands, Apparently so does your husband. How do you intend to remediate the disconnect?
Perhaps MIL is waiting for OP to make the first wrong move before she pounces. This is yet another reason why OP needs to tread VERY carefully. MIL might be setting a trap.
1) You say "I put down half the money for the house." Who put down the other half? It's kind of weird to me that, after 25 years of marriage, you would say you put down half the money rather than "we" (you and husband) put down half the money. I get husbands and wives having individual bank accounts - I and my husband do - but I consider both accounts to be "our" money, not "his" and "mine".
2) WHY is your husband so adamant about his mother living with you?
All due respect to OP, but any reasonable option that could be accomplished in the near future has been completely shot down before it even got out of the gate.
I get the feeling OP just wants what she wants and is frustrated because it's not going to happen.
Even if MIL did leave, which isn't happening...I'm still trying to figure out how 4 people are staying in her room for 3 weeks. Children, adults altogether like sardines. I love my kids but sharing even hotel rooms with them, with two queen beds, for a week on vacation was enough to send me crazy after a few days. People need their space and the ability to get some privacy and want to spend time together because they don't spend every waking moment together.
Hopefully OP will be able to see the error in her current trajectory and correct in a way that works for her.
Look, she's not a MIL -- she's a peer. There are only 10 years between the two of you, so you're stomping your feet and are resentful that you allowed (by your own admission) someone not that much older than you to move in. I saw exactly the same dynamic between my mother and her stepmother when my grandfather decided to marry a woman only six years older than his daughter.
Do you regret it? Obviously.
Can you just toss her out when you want to have company or permanently? Nope.
As others have said, this is a marriage problem, not a mother-in-law problem. Invite the family to town or to another location, and go on vacation with them. You simply do not have the space to accommodate four extra people at your house.
The solution might be to get rid of MIL for good.
The bigger, longer term issue is of course, his Mother & her status as a permanent member of your household.
You see MIL as a guest - he as a permanent family member.
This is a marriage issue for you to both work on.