Feeling a similar way...especially since living with and caring for my parents for years. Now, as my surviving parent nears the end of life...there is nothing that is helping relieve the overwhelming sadness, loss, fear, and "unmoored". You have my sympathy.
My local caregiver support group that I've been attending since 2018(2 years before my husband died)was there for me while I was at my wits end caring for my husband, and they were there for me after he died, and still are as I'm rebuilding my new life without my husband. I still attend now to help others that are still in the throes of caregiving, and to let others know that there is light at the end of this often very dark tunnel and to give them hope that life does go on after caregiving. So if you were connected in any way to a caregiver support group before the death of your loved one, please stay connected. Also like already mentioned, Grief Share is a great resource and pretty much every city has a least one group that meets weekly. And like Alva mentioned below, get rid of any misplaced guilt. You have NOTHING to feel guilty over, as we all do the very best we can do and that is all we can do. Give yourself time now to heal. It doesn't happen overnight, but slowly and surely it does happen. May God bless you and keep you.
Guilty? Your father had Alzheimer's. You didn't cause it and you could not have fixed it. You did the best you could, so guilt is inappropriate. Grieving experts tell us that we often want someone to be "angry with" at the end of life, because it is an easier emotion and it prevents our having to walk in the finality of loss. Often the ones we are mad at is Hospice or Doctor or Nursing or Hospital. But sometimes it is ourselves. You have to change out you G-words now. The word you are looking for is not guilt, but is GRIEF. Words we repeat to ourselves matter.
I am so sorry for this loss. October is only about one half year ago. You have had not only your loved one taken, but your very reason for being ripped away. You were a "caregiver" and it is going to be a real change to reclaim being simply a beloved child.
Give yourself time to adjust. Let friends and family help. If you need to get help know that Abnormal Grieving is now a diagnosis in the DSM-5 and as such is covered by insurance so you can get help and guidance. Consider grieving support groups whether in person or online on Facebook or other social media. Remember to CELEBRATE this life. Do letters or collage or keep a journal. Take long walks and remember what your loved one cared about. It was a LONG life, and it wasn't only about you, or about a dread disease.
I wish you peace. It will come. I am so very sorry for this loss and this broken heart, and hope you will do your love the honor of remembering to celebrate a long long life.
I still attend now to help others that are still in the throes of caregiving, and to let others know that there is light at the end of this often very dark tunnel and to give them hope that life does go on after caregiving.
So if you were connected in any way to a caregiver support group before the death of your loved one, please stay connected.
Also like already mentioned, Grief Share is a great resource and pretty much every city has a least one group that meets weekly.
And like Alva mentioned below, get rid of any misplaced guilt. You have NOTHING to feel guilty over, as we all do the very best we can do and that is all we can do.
Give yourself time now to heal. It doesn't happen overnight, but slowly and surely it does happen.
May God bless you and keep you.
Your father had Alzheimer's. You didn't cause it and you could not have fixed it.
You did the best you could, so guilt is inappropriate.
Grieving experts tell us that we often want someone to be "angry with" at the end of life, because it is an easier emotion and it prevents our having to walk in the finality of loss. Often the ones we are mad at is Hospice or Doctor or Nursing or Hospital. But sometimes it is ourselves. You have to change out you G-words now. The word you are looking for is not guilt, but is GRIEF. Words we repeat to ourselves matter.
I am so sorry for this loss. October is only about one half year ago. You have had not only your loved one taken, but your very reason for being ripped away. You were a "caregiver" and it is going to be a real change to reclaim being simply a beloved child.
Give yourself time to adjust. Let friends and family help. If you need to get help know that Abnormal Grieving is now a diagnosis in the DSM-5 and as such is covered by insurance so you can get help and guidance. Consider grieving support groups whether in person or online on Facebook or other social media.
Remember to CELEBRATE this life. Do letters or collage or keep a journal. Take long walks and remember what your loved one cared about. It was a LONG life, and it wasn't only about you, or about a dread disease.
I wish you peace. It will come. I am so very sorry for this loss and this broken heart, and hope you will do your love the honor of remembering to celebrate a long long life.