I am paid $1,500 a month to provide 24/7 live-in care for my 93-year-old grandmother with no days off. Is this unfair to me?

Tell your family what salary you would like.

Give them 30 or 60 days to come up with that amount.

Meanwhile, look for other employment.

Apply for jobs.

Look for an apartment.

Move out.

Start your new job.

You deserve to have a life.

You can then VISIT your grandma.

Best wishes.

How exactly do you plan to take care of yourself after she dies?

What are your marketable skills?

That is my concern.

My advice, let her children figure out her care. Get a job, start planning for your future.

Your profile states that you are 49 and caring for a 93 year old grandmother.
Your have a history of some decades as a grownup now. You will have had experience in working?
I will leave you to draw your own conclusions about this pay scale in relationship to breaking it down into an hourly wage.

I can only tell you that in many cases we see middle aged women move in with grandmother or mother to give care, and see them left, when the grandmother dies, with no place to live and with no job history. We have had to suggest to these women that they start at a shelter for the homeless and try to work their way up.

Your grandmother should be in care if that is what is required for you to be free to seek employment with decent pay and benefits. Caregivers are badly needed now by Hospice agencies and caregiving agencies.

I wish you the best of luck in making good decisions for yourself.

"but her son already thinks that 1,500 per month is way too much."

I had to take a deep breath and not post for a minute after reading this.

The AVERAGE cost for home care in the U.S. is roughly $20 per HOUR. That's in home. It's actually CHEAPER to have someone in a residential setting than to hire home care.

Your current "pay" (and I'm using that term lightly) comes out to roughly $49 a day. ($1,500 X 12 = $18,000/365 = $49.32)

To HIRE a caregiver in home (or realistically to hire 2 or 3 hourly in home caregivers because agency caregivers don't work 24/7) it would cost him approximately (on average) $480 a day.

Your uncle is taking advantage of you - plain and simple.

You are 49 years old. I'm hoping that at the very least this set up is allowing you to live rent free, and not have any overhead such as groceries, car payment, insurance etc. And that the $1500 a month goes straight into your retirement fund?

Or is he luring you in with promises of keeping her house some day, ensuring that you are comfortable and don't have to worry about that?

I'm not being snarky - you would not believe the number of posters we see who get completely bamboozled by relatives who want free or cheap caregivers for a loved one, who make every promise in the book and then when the time comes, it all evaporates like the wind and the person who gave up everything is left with nothing.

The cost of caregiving is astronomical. Complete agreement. But he knows that if you weren't doing this - he would have to figure out other ways to take care of her. That's NOT your responsibility to figure out. You have to worry about yourself. You have to make sure YOUR future is secure.

Most of us on here loved our grandmothers very much as well, but that doesn't mean that we should let them take advantage of us.
You are WAY underpaid for all that you are doing, and I can't help but wonder why at the age of 49 you are allowing either her(which your profile says she has dementia, so I'm guessing it's not her)or her family to take advantage of you.
What's going to happen when you end up in the hospital with either a stroke or heart attack from your high blood pressure? Who will take care of your grandmother then?
Really, it's time you say enough is enough, and let grandma be placed in the appropriate facility, as her care is just too much for one person, and your health is now suffering too. Is it really worth it?
I'm thinking that there is more to your story than what you shared, but just know this....what you're being paid is definitely unfair. It should be at least 5x of what you're getting if not more.

I'm sure Grandma gets Social Security income. Why she has "quite a bit of savings." Her son thinks $1,500 is too much to be paid? Then give him notice and let him deal with it.

He is screwing you (and you are screwing yourself) out of a job with reasonable money and benefits. You aren't getting W2 income on record for Social Security later, as well as making a living wage. Fast food workers now get $20/hr. minimum wage. $20 x 40 hrs is $800 a week (or $2,400 a month).

Do the math. 24 Hrs/Day is 168 hrs a week. $1,500 divided by 4 wks comes to $375 a week, which comes to $2.23 an hour! Let's say 168 Hours at $15/Hr. is $2,520 a week. That's $10,000 a month for 24/7 care, with meals, bathing, laundry and incontinence/toileting. Her son obviously doesn't want to pay the going rate for a SNF facility. It's also obvious he is protecting his inheritance, by not putting his Mom into proper care with trained professionals. So far his sister did it (until she couldn't) and now it got put on you, Grandma's granddaughter.

What would her son do if you got sick and couldn't do it anymore? Or you stood up for yourself and quit, got a real job, started working and moving forward?

What happens to you after Grandma dies? Her tightwad son inherits her money.
He's a selfish ass.

I echo the suggestions of other to re-evaluate your thoughts about not wanting to put her into a facility. There are so many options available now, that were not there just decades ago. Some get federal subsidies and some are run completely private pay. Some are small, and some do look like huge rooms, like the movies.

When I returned home to take care of my Mom, I did it willingly and nearly happily. She put up with me with nappies and adolescence, I figured I could do at least that amount for her. For 2-3 years, I did care for her at home. However, she was not incontinent and emotionally needy at the time. I could go away and leave her in someone else's care and she would be okay. However, she was starting to hide the fact that she was incontinent, calling out for me during the night, and arguing with the caregivers.

I knew that the cost of the licensed night time caregivers (which she didn't believe should cost her anything) plus the cost of daytime day care (which she now complained about) plus other "normal" expenses, never mind my car, car insurance, gas, etc., was more expensive than some of the managed care facilities. I went to tour 6 of them, and called even more of them. I went to senior fairs to find out what they had to offer. I was upfront and asked each of them why they were better than their competitors. Their answers made me realize the differences, over and beyond their glossy brochures.

I finally got tired of filling in for caregivers when they didn't show up. I finally got tired of smelling urine and feces in the bathroom and in "clean" clothes. I finally got tired of convincing her that she had eaten a meal just 2 hours earlier. I got tired of bathing her and she saying that she never took a bath. I got tired of being her entertainment. I was tired of her stories of caregiver and senior daycare abuse (I did investigate every one of them). Close people told me that they noticed I was more short-tempered than normal (I didn't notice.)

So I made the hard decision to place her in Memory Care. She was not a wanderer, however, she did demand attention that others, because there are more of them, could provide to her. I visited her each day, talked to her, found out what she was remembering. I took her out of the facility to go places, we went out to eat, I scheduled and went with her to all her appointments. I had time to look for stuff and places that she wanted or remembered. I let the facility know ahead of time that I was taking my Mom out, and they would have her all toileted and ready for me to take out.

I started to enjoy the time we had together again. It was not a rush to do this, a rush to do that, and a OMG I forgot that.

Towards the end, she became physically combative and was scared of nearly everything, including me. If that had happened in her home, I don't know what I would have done.

Yes, all this takes money. My Mom never grasped how much money it all cost (thankfully) However, putting my Mom in MC saved me from the additional medical costs of me, plus the psychological costs that are almost guaranteed when you are taking care of a handicapped person, and they are slowly, but surely, becoming more handicapped.

I urge you to look at other alternatives for your Grandma. Should your Grandma fall or require rehab services, you will have already done some of the research. It is not unkind to your Grandma to move her into a facility. You can begin to enjoy her again. It is very unkind to your Grandma if you become sick or yell at her and you don't have a plan for her care for the future.

From the OP's profile:

"I'm a 49 year old woman who provides 24/7 live in care for my 93 year old grandmother. This started as a part time thing. My mother, her daughter was helping as well. However, my mother had multiple strokes and hasn't been able to care for her. I stepped up the past year and a half and it has turned into 24/7 ever since. I've not had a single day off. I'm the only one to care for her. Her son, my uncle works full time job and makes all the financial decisions. I have been doing this with hopes that she wouldn't have to be put in a care facility. I have always been very close with my grandmother and have tried to be the hero, but it has seriously taken a toll on my health and mental health. This is just so much on one."

Give your uncle 2 weeks notice and leave. Find a regular job with regular pay and hours.

Visit Grandma as a loving granddaughter, not slave labor.

Yes, it is unfair. However, it will never be fair.

Caring for someone 7 days a week complete with urinary and fecal incontinence is what some spouses do, with help. You are not her spouse.

Nannies of little kids get paid more than you do, plus they get days off and holidays!

I would suggest that you step away and force her son to put her in a Memory Care or Assisted Living, and go visit her and care for her there. Let the managed care facility take care of the bathing, making of meals, cleaning, and you can augment the time by doing activities with her, taking her out, eating with her, etc.

In addition, you could get a full time job, to help you with retirement when that time comes. For me, a paid job with no "emotional ties" provides stress relief.

You have a long life ahead of you since you are only 49 years old. Take control and don't let guilt lead you into lifetime of future medical problems.

Kaye,

Your story breaks my heart. I understand that you love your grandmother. You don’t have to do the hands on care yourself to show her that you love her.

I bet that you dearly miss just being her ‘granddaughter’ instead of ‘granddaughter/caregiver.’

I adored my grandmother. Fortunately, she was in good health and didn’t need any outside help. She died exactly like she wanted to, quickly and without pain.

Your grandmother is another story. She requires lots of care. I know how you feel. I cared for my mother for many years. It’s exhausting.

Your uncle is taking advantage of you. Helping out temporarily because your mom wasn’t able to due to her stroke is fine but this has gone way beyond that.

Tell your uncle that your grandmother’s care has become a burden for you and that you are neglecting your own needs.

Remind your uncle that his sister, your mom had a stroke and that you don’t want to put your own health in jeopardy because of your rising blood pressure.

He can look for other help, preferably from a facility. If not, he will need to pay caregivers much more money than he is paying you. She will need more than one person to care for her around the clock.

Wishing you all the best. Start looking for another job and give your uncle notice. Then visit your grandma as her granddaughter again.