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No need to leave anon...I accept your apology...walk a mile in my shoes comes to mind right now
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Sorry for the post. My words were not kind at all. I apologize. Each individual's situation is different. I was wrong to judge and I will leave this board.
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Why not send her to a place for temporary respite care. I have a friend who took care of her Mom for many years and when she got sick, her mother went to a nursing home for what they call "respite care".

But, if you are burnt out, it is best for your Mom not to be living there any longer.
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Anon...I had this talk with both my daughters already...I don't want them giving up their lives ...so I know where I'll be headed..thanks for your kind words
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How would you feel if your daughter did this to you one day? But, 3.5 years is 3.5 years. Too much time to spend on a sick old woman. I get it. Out she goes.
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At her age and with dementia she certainly qualifies for a nursing home but getting her into one will be process and can't be done "right now". You'll need to tour a few facilities, make a decision, get the paperwork going and get your mom's financial affairs in order. She may need Medicaid to pay for a nursing home and that application process can take months (my dad was finally accepted after 5 months. AFTER he had died).

Of course you want your life back. And if there's no one to take mom your only other option is a nursing home. Some might suggest assisted living but if you move her to assisted living she's going to continue to decline and you'll just end up having to move her again to a nursing home. But if moving her to assisted living makes you feel better than moving her to a NH do that.

But your biggest hurdle is going to be trying to convince your mom to move.
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