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I think we all have our own unique triggers. It helps to recognize them and not shoot anyone verbally or physically when triggered. Seeking to live fully in the present does help. Just because a bird flies into our head does not mean we have to let it build a nest and have baby birds there.
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Shaddy - EXACTLY . Same here. same with my parents... and I would like to walk into the woods to die and feed nature, like the ancients did. When it is time for pets to die, if they can they walk away and hide- I swear that is what my mother is trying to do... It is what I would want to do, but Noooo, these days they hole you up and keep you alive...
I hate it when people ask me "what about when it's your turn, who will take care of you?"
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LastOne - when I made the remarks about planning and saving, I was not talking about nursing home care. You are right that almost nobody has that kind of disposable income, or could ever have it no matter how long or how hard they worked. But I think most people could save a few dollars here and there, even if it means working until 65 or 68 instead of retiring at 55 or 58, and not end up in old age barely able to pay their monthly bills. Plus many of our grandparents were savers and left our parents with an inheritance when they passed on. That money could and should have been put away for a rainy day unless needed for genuine emergencies during our parents' lives.

I think for most people, the initial and maybe longest stage of old age involves relying on others for a lot of instrumental tasks that they could previously do themselves. Things like cooking, cleaning, driving, home maintenance tasks. Most of these tasks could be done by any set of able hands, but adult children are often tasked with them because there's no money to hire anyone, even if the adult child is elderly or disabled themselves. If our parent had an extra thousand bucks a month, it could pay for maybe 50-100 hours per month of this kind of help, which would take an enormous burden off the adult children.

I don't really mind doing the kinds of things for my mother that depend on our relationship as mother and daughter. Doctors' visits, hand-holding during illnesses and medical procedures, emotional support. I mind having to do the huge amount of gruntwork that gets dumped on me every week, especially now that I have a badly arthritic foot that hurts a lot if I have to put weight on it too much.

Unfortunately, it's very hard to get free or subsidized help with these instrumental tasks, at least in my area of the country. I've tried. I think this is the problem that a lot of people are having during the bulk of their parents' old age.
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Even if there is money to hire people to come in to help our parents, or for them move into the most plush retirement home, we find parents who dig their heels in to even part with one dime.

My parents are that way, for over 6 years I was their driver and it got to a point where I started to get panic attacks driving. Hello, we have senior citizens driving older senior citizens on crowded busy roads, what's not to understand? I know, I should have set boundaries when I first started to drive them, but I thought it would be a year or two, not going on 7 years.

Anyway, to get back to my point of elders not wanting to open up those stock portfolio's, my parents could have easily afford a full-time chauffeur. Nooooo, only I or my sig other were allowed to drive them. Heaven forbid a stranger get behind the wheel of their car.... [rolling eyes].

Dad keeps telling me the money will be my inheritance that's why he and Mom don't want to spent it.... and lately I've been telling Dad "You and Mom will probably outlive me, so go ahead and spend it". They look at me like my hair was on fire, they still don't understand as they never took care of their own parents.
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Regarding the economic questions of old age, we, and our parents are the last generations of Americans that had company funded health care and pensions. Not everyone certainly, but lots of us did. That's all over now with the globalization of the economy and the never ending "Race to the bottom" of corporations, seeking the lowest possible wages and the least amount regulation around the globe.

Think about our kids, and grandkids. College debt, working two or more jobs at low wages and zero benefits, living at home because rent and house payments are simply not possibly. These kids are hardly going to be able to support themselves much less aging parents.

All while state legislatures are gleefully cutting any health, education and social services and busting up what little is left of unions.

So as us Boomers b*tch and whine, I'm glad I'm not 24 and working at Walmart, Starbucks, and the 7-11 all at the same time with a worthless college degree that left me 100 grand in debt.

Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer, but hey, someone has to counter the Few of my favorite things thread........
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Carla, it is in fact often difficult to get low or even reasonable cost services for the elderly. It's a vulnerable population, and can be exploited.

Occasionally, fortified by chocolate, I watch the local city council hearings but can never tolerate more than a short time because not only of the attitude toward citizens but because of the attitude toward seniors.

Once an elderly woman, probably in her 80's, asked for assistance in finding someone to care for her lawn, having been cited by the overaggressive code enforcement people.

This woman was trying to find a way to comply, yet she met with indifference and even what I considered an insult when she was told by a council member that residents have one day after receiving a violation notice posted on their door. If the lawn isn't mowed in that one day, a citation is issued and the resident may have to appear in court for failure to keep the lawn below 6" in height. If she still hasn't been able to have the lawn mowed, the city does it and bills her. And of course they don't hire individuals with lawn mowers, they hire services with the tractor mowers.

One of the council members, probably in her 50's, emphasized that they intend to adhere to these restrictions, then made ludicrous suggestions to find assistance - none of the suggestions were even based on common sense. It was clear that she has NEVER been in the position of having to hire someone for help.

It really angered me to see how this resident and others have been treated, but they're not a population with a large clout in small geographic areas.

Maybe what we need is an Elderly Population Union!
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Windy, well said, especially about the practice of searching for the low cost countries to produce goods.

However, think what this does for the third world and emerging market countries: how many of those with whom we've had physical, human rights or intellectual conflicts are now trading partners? I vaguely remember a tongue in cheek movie about a small country that initiated conflict with the US so that after the war was over they could be the recipient of Marshall Plan type assistance.

I'm not opposed to global commerce but the competitive advantage has become not so much a commodity issue in terms of goods and service, but rather of wages....lowest cost wages, regardless of the working conditions or the toxicity of the products. How many times have Chinese products been identified as contaminated? How many times have the Chinese hacked major computer systems?

Yet Chinese junk is still sold in stores.
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PS - have you started a few of my not so favorite things or a complaint thread yet? I've been watching...watching...
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Garden, I'm working up a title. Something like: A FEW OF PEOPLES FAVORITE THINGS THAT REALLY P...S ME OFF!!
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Sorry, kind of skimmed. Today was not a good day. Woke up to a mess in Mom's bathroom all the way out to her chair. Took me from 9 to 12 to clean it up and her too. We had a small area rug we just thru out. I could have cried and I don't think she has an idea what happen.

No, I don't want to do this for the next 10 yrs, Moms 87. I'm 66. I just don't have the energy. I'm glad there are others that feel the same.

Really, don't think our parents felt they were going to live this long. Back in the 60s the life span was 65. We have taken steps to invest our money. I don't expect our daughters should have to quit jobs to care for us.
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Maybe we should start a group demanding that drug research companies start researching ways to not live longer. If the mouse dies we want that drug. I guess we could all just refuse treatment. Let our cholesterol run rampant. Smoke and drink till our lungs and livers just explode. I've got an idea for a new thread. Ways to not live till we are feeble and dependent on others.
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Gershun, first entry for your new thread could be "eat at McDonald's!"
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Yes, GA or go to Denny's and order their Grand Slam breakfast every day. Then off to Starbucks for a double, triple foam macachino with extra whipped cream.
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I find them both rather depressing...I was 39 when my Mom moved in , that was 14 years ago... I envy others who just go through their life only caring about themselves.. I find it hard to listen about their minor ailments.. I want to say "try waking up every day and having death be the first thought in your head.. If Mom's not awake I of course get nervous that " today is the day"...
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I'm in......Beef jerky, Big Macs, Cheap vodka and Marlbourghs......I'll go down in a glorious fog of fat, alcohol and nicotine. Are there nursing homes that allow smoking? Well why not?
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Yes, bring on the Big Mac's, greasy fries, chocolate. Hell, I'll bathe in the chocolate.
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Well, Gershun, you'll probably be the most fragrant person when you're ready to go!
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Just do the opposite of what the doctors tell you to do?
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Death by Chocolate. Sounds like a good name for a movie.
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Death by Chocolate - I like it, and what could be a better way to go?!

Sounds like a movie in which Hercule Poirot or Jessica Fletcher could star.

There was a cooking show by that name - the chef was Marcel de Saulnier and the desserts he created were out of this world.
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While Death by Chocolate sounds like a very tasty way to go, I could see Death by Massage.

For me, that would be a very relaxed way to go. I could put together a whole movie of my life of times when I remember getting a massage at various places and in different styles with the closing one being a massage style that I've discovered rather recently. And it is like they say to die for.

The Ashiatsu Oriental Bar Therapy puts the Swedish Deep Tissue Massage Therapy style to shame.

I would write the closing scene with my getting such a massage and at that point where you usually reach the deepest feeling of relaxation; all of the warmth of your body goes to your core before feeling new warmth spreading throughout your body and in that deep serene state just passing away. Now that would be something.
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When I learned about the FILE OF LIFE that paramedics look for on the refrigerator for medical history, list of medications, and a possible DNR, then found out that most patients do not fully understand the DNR, some planning for my husband and I was put into effect.
Each of our FILE OF LIFE (written in red), reads: " I W A N T T O L I V E !!! "
But then, it's too soon to tell.
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I prefer dark chocolate.
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I want to live too but only as long as I can still fend for myself comfortably without being a burden.

I guess that will be next on the list of questions paramedics ask. I can see it all now. "Are you comfortably fending for yourself without being a burden to others?"

Sorry I shouldn't joke about this. Humor is what gets me through life.
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freqflyer: That's right-David Bowie is not that old. LOL!
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I'm in the groove up here......Wife drug me on long hike, feet killing me, just started on second beer, having huge greasy burgers for dinner, followed by big bag of dark chocolate M & Ms. Wife just came up hill from barn, made sarcastic comment about beer consumption, I'm full of beer so don't care, getting up now to make salad to go with burgers before wife does bodily harm.

Wait! What is this thread anyway? Ok... Had to scroll up to look.

Caregiving has changed my life by appreciating times like this when for a few moments, I'm not thinking about caregiving. But now I'm worried about moms cardio test......One more beer won't hurt.
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Hey, you already worked off all the beer with the long hike you took.

But you're right - caregiving makes you appreciate the small, every day things.
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Windy, what did your wife drug you with when you went on that long hike?
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SendMe, I'll bet she promised him beer!
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Just hope there was cheese on that burger.
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