How do you handle taking someone with behavior issues to the ER?

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How do you handle taking someone with behavior issues to the ER?

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My dad is 82 yo with dementia that lives with me and I may need to take him to the ER tomorrow for constipation if it doesn't resolve by then. My dad YELLS during every ER visit. Tells me every 5 mins to get a doctor when we all know it will be at least 3 hours before we are called in. I have had several breakdowns during ER visits, especially during covid when he had to wear a mask. I have tried walking him around outside but then he gets mad that they may call us. I try getting him to watch TV or read magazines. Nothing helps. I totally understand he's feeling awful, but so do the other 20+ people in the waiting room and I get tired of being his punching bag. My anxiety about taking him to the ER makes me want to just call 911 instead, but of course I don't want to waste an ambulance for constipation. Does anyone out there have any suggestions for me? Thank you!

Alzheimer's & Dementia Anxiety Burnout Emergency Care

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burnedoutlady: I see further down this thread that you resolved your issue. Thank goodness that your father was able to get some relief from his constipation.

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This post was a week ago. So hope he has been taken to the ER by now.

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error - dup. (computer posts the errors)

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Send him in an ambulance all by himself.

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IMO he should be placed, there is a nurse there and they can deal with his minor medical issues. Where my LO's are the doctor comes in once a week.

If you leave him there by himself will he just walk out?

Might be time to make some hard decisions, somethings gotta give!

Sending support your way!

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UPDATE: thank you all for the great advice and encouragement! Thank GOD he had a BM just before the doctor called me back this morning. She gave some helpful tips to prevent this in the future. I also heard back from the Medicaid program I want to enroll him in (it's called PACE if anyone has heard of it - I am in San Diego, CA). The enrollment process takes 4-6 weeks but for the first time I see light at the end of the tunnel. They do so much. Then if the time comes to place him they help with that process. I'm so so grateful.

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Yay! So happy for you!

You’re in a beautiful city. I love San Diego! It’s been several years since I have been there.

Every time I go there, I never want to leave the lower humidity. We have horribly hot and humid summers here in New Orleans!

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I don’t see why you shouldn’t call 911. You have experience with how he will react when you take him to the ER.

So, why put yourself through the misery of taking him to the ER?

Call for an ambulance to take him.

Best wishes to you and your family.

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Its time to place Dad. I made an appt with Medicaid and the caseworker filled out the application. Then gave me info he needed me to get for him. You can't handle him anymore.

Eventually, same with ur disabled sibling unless u want to care for him the rest of your life. I oversee a disabled nephew. It takes a while but there are resources out their your parents probably did not take advantage of.

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Have you tried a fleets oil retention enema. The oil is the secret, and while it's a mess leaking out for days it almost always eases that hard stool out. It is almost much less traumatic given that disimpaction can actually trigger heart problems.

I sure wish you good luck, but if you have no sedation for Dad or for yourself I fear you are in for it. I am sorry. Hope you will update us that this trip doesn't have to be made.

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Based on more info you've provided, he needs meds for anxiety/agitation. This is merciful since dementia robs people of their ability to use reason and logic, and therefore make good judgments and appropriate behavior; it robs them of their ability to empathize with others' situations; and on. I see my main responsibility as caregiver and PoA for my LOs is to keep them safe, as healthy as their cooperation and circumstances allow, and peaceful. All my decisions for them get filtered through these 3 goals. I wish you success in helping your Dad with both his health and behavioral challenges. Please make taking care of yourself a priority -- this is necessary!

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Have you called his doctor about the constipation issue?

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I'm going to call this morning before taking him to ER. We have tried everything we can think of at home. :(

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From your profile: "Meanwhile I work full time from home, but had to take 2 weeks off because I couldn't handle the yelling from him while working. Time is running out and I'm afraid of going back to work without a solution for my dad. I'm tired of crying while trying to work because I'm just so overwhelmed. I can't afford to lose my job."

No, you can't afford to lose your job. How/why did you move your parents and brother in with you 2 years ago? Are you the only other sib?

Have you considered placing your father at least in a facility?

Driving your father to the ER could be dangerous for you. Call 911. And who says you have to go there and sit with him the whole time? Has he been declared incompetent?

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They couldn't continue to afford to live where they were and their place was falling apart. Family members encouraged me that this was the only and best option. I'll never forget my aunts words, "you're it. You're all they have". I never felt more alone than in that moment. They didn't qualify for Medicaid and no one would have been able to afford the care. I have 2 siblings. Both have disabilities. One lives in a habilitation center (he has CP). My dad was also not this bad 2 years ago. His behavior has been worse this year. Thank God he qualifies for Medicaid now so I can start looking for better care options for him without wondering where the money will come from. Even if that does mean a facility for him.

I guess no one has told me I had to sit with him a the ER, but I can't imagine leaving him there either. He wouldn't be able to hear them call his name and he has tried standing while waiting before and he is fall risk. They don't exactly monitor the waiting room.

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Aside from his current bowel issue, think about having your dad seen by a geriatric psychiatrist for an evaluation of his anxiety and agitation.

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Because of his behavior, an ambulance is probably the best route. Don't put yourself through the stress of taking him. Paramedics are better equipped to handle things. Just make them aware of the situation. Best of luck
(((Hugs)))

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(((Hug)))

I read your profile. You caregive for 3 people! And you work!
:(

And your dad yells at you.
:(

(He’ll never change. He’ll get worse)

Regarding ER tomorrow, you already know how he’ll behave. No matter what you do (yell back, try to reason with him…), it won’t work. He won’t change. You’re his favorite target.

Maybe do call 911? This way for once, you’re not the one going to ER and going through all the stress, and being a punching bag?

I wish your parents could hire caregivers.

(((Hug)))

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Thank you! I am starting to look for caregiving options now that they have medi-cal/medicaid. I really pray the issue is resolved by tomorrow morning. He even offered to call 911 himself while he was yelling at me. He might just get his wish! He actually called 911 one time because their landlord raised the rent! Everything is an emergency! Anyways lol, I appreciate the helpful response :). I'm new to this site and love this forum!

How do you handle taking someone with behavior issues to the ER?

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