My 95-year old father is living in an independent living facility. He LOVES to drive. After a recent bout of intestinal illness and subsequent weakness he fell. He didn't break anything but had very bruised ribs and was in a great deal of pain. I was bringing him groceries and taking him to appointments for about a month. I was hoping this episode would make him realize that it was time to give up the keys. No such luck. Yesterday I received a call from a very kind and patient police officer who pulled him over for running a stop sign. He's currently waiting on new hearing aids and couldn't hear the siren and apparently didn't notice the flashing lights. I was hoping he'd get a ticket but the officer was buying "I'm a cute super senior" and didn't cite him. He did talk to his supervisor who will send a message to the DMV that means my dad will have to be evaluated and take another driving test. Meanwhile, he's free to drive. He needs to be off the road but is insanely independent and STUBBORN! Any suggestions of how to convince him to voluntarily give up driving?
1. His primary care doctor is board certified in geriatric medicine. All of her patients receive a basic cognitive screening, vision, 6 minute walk, hearing, etc. at their annual physical. If the patient shows deficits, they are referred to the appropriate specialist(s) for resolution. She also discussed the effects of aging on driving skill.
2. My husband was referred to audiology for hearing aids, neurology for cognitive impairment, and occupational therapy for a driving assessment.
3. His neurologist told him he cannot drive. However, he subsequently passed his driving assessment which also has a cognitive component.
4. Once a doctor tells a patient they cannot drive, insurance will not cover it if they get into an accident. My husband is very rational so he stopped driving when the neurologist told him he shouldn't .
5. But since he passed his driving assessment, he agreed he would only drive to the supermarket and golf course.
6. When we lived in California where there is mandatory reporting of unsafe driving by healthcare professionals, he was reported to the DMV. He passed.
Before the CA DMV and his healthcare team got involved, his friends, family, and adult children called him out on his poor driving habits for years to no avail. Once the DMV and healthcare professionals got invilved and he stood to permanently lose his license, he became very motivated. He took driving lessons to prepare for the CA DMV road test.
The key is to involve his doctor and if he was in fact reported to the DMV, he will receive a notice for a medical review. It is a buracratic process but fair. You can support him by teaching him how to use ride share, checking out other forms of transportation for seniors, etc.
I strongly recommend that people do not lie or trick their elder. It destroys any trust the elder has in you - not only concerning driving but ALL faucets of life. It is a prescription for constant distrust and uncooperation. I stated the reasons I felt my mother should not drive and offered to personally chauffeur her where ever she wanted to go - which I did, often making trips a little more fun with a stop for an ice cream cone or a quick drive by a favorite park or place.
Someone who really has dementia requires different methods BUT over 40% of people 90 or older do NOT have dementia or even significant cognitive decline.
- lack of attention to a basic road sign (and most likely on a road he's traveled often in his routine)
- extreme "stubbornness"
- inability to see or even consider he maybe should not drive (impaired logic, reasoning & judgment functions) even after his recent health issues
- lack of empathy
- statistically higher chance he may have age-related cognitive impairment
My uncle killed his own wife by doing something very similar to what this elder did (and there were victims in the other car as well). She survived cancer twice but not the invisible onset of her husband's dementia. His children were unable to convince him to stop. They should have done everything to stop him from driving once they suspected he was losing ability. There's too much at stake to allow elders who are *showing evidence* of cognitive problems to drive without being scrutinized.
He refused to stop driving, so wife told rehab people about his shortcomings, and they recommended a driving test, but I don't think it was with the county DMV. It was with someone from the same rehab facility in a different county, I think. Anyway, not what you'd usually expect.
He passed the test, who knows how. His scary driving continued. Wife said that the examiner evidently didn't see what she saw when she and spouse were out together. Then husband started drinking from containers in the car while driving. She refused to ride in the car with him, and riding in separate cars went on for 15 months, which was when she had enough money saved to leave him.
There can be all sorts of reasons why a person's driving skills deteriorate. Refusing to believe mom or dad has dementia "enough to keep her from driving" is common. Apparently even those who work with rehabbed patients don't even know when they become too disabled to drive! A friend of mine, age 97 at the time, renewed her driver's license a few years ago, and the DMV didn't even test her vision. I see drivers who shouldn't be driving in my over-55 community. Lots of people complain about them, but nothing is done. Eventually they run into someone else or a building, such as happened four months ago here. Right through the plate-glass window of a store.
Anyone who EVER spots bad driving in ANYONE has the obligation to report it to an agency that will do something - not just their kids, who don't have the heart to just STOP THEM. (Because our sweet Poppy deserves to drive and ruin someone else's life.)
You won't ever (?) get a person who's or whose been driving for what 70-80 years to voluntarily give up their license. Why would they? Well, a few younger might knowing they could kill themselves or others ... but most / some people will hang on until the end to keep driving.
It isn't luck. It is the reality of how his brain works. There is no 'reasoning' with your dad about this. It ties into the major fear of aging: LOSING INDEPENDENCE ... and more, 'everyone' wants to keep going as they are accustom too ... although as one ages (even ME ... now at 72), physical and mental changes REQUIRE us to change with those natural aging changes. We must adapt to 'what is' and who we are as we change. The problem is that some people DON'T want to do that ... Well . . . . Really ? Even realizing that someone could be killed won't change some people who are 'stuck' into their fears of losing their independence. I, too, HATE the thought of not being able to drive. but I am aware of it and I am overall aware. Others are not aware and/or wired to 'not care' (for the harm they may cause to themselves or others).
You contact the Police Dept and tell them the situation so they will be on the look out for him 'out there on the streets' -
You can disable the car:
- Change the car key on the ring so it won't work.
- Buy a fake car key.
- Take a part out of the car.
If you have the authority (likely you do not), sell his car. Sure, he'll be mad and that is okay. It is better than killing himself or others, inside the car or on the streets. This is a serious issue. You must take control. I'd start with changing the key and contacting his MD indicating he is legally unable to drive due to health reasons.
Read Teepa Snow's website / webinars about elders driving. She has several as this is a huge concern for all of us.
Gena / Touch Matters